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I will make it b'e"h
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: I will make it b'e"h 197456 Views

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 15:30 #301410

a little not really will post later bl"n
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 22:00 #301454

hey markz/cordnoy look what i found, about the karma thing
Ezra wrote on 20 Mar 2015 00:06:
Actually, a question I've been wondering. What's the difference between saying Thank you or Karma. What is Karma for? Is there some great GYE protocol?

cordnoy wrote on 20 Mar 2015 01:33:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

the old posts have the best things
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 22:56 #301459

  • cordnoy
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czworking123 wrote on 28 Dec 2016 22:00:
hey markz/cordnoy look what i found, about the karma thing
Ezra wrote on 20 Mar 2015 00:06:
Actually, a question I've been wondering. What's the difference between saying Thank you or Karma. What is Karma for? Is there some great GYE protocol?

cordnoy wrote on 20 Mar 2015 01:33:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

the old posts have the best things

Nice.

And in our case here, it was the negative karma that smacked someone in the face.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 23:01 #301460

anyways to the point here i'll try to tell my story (moderator if this should be in the balei battims forum let me know).

first a disclaimer I LOVE my wife and she has been a great source of strength and i in no way harbor any resentment towards her. also my background is totally yeshivish though my parents are from more modern backgrounds and would be considered balei t'shuva and have an older brother that went off for a while(see #4 below) but s now married and growing a frum family but not a yishivisha guy.

it started when i was 7 or 8 with m totally accidental and didn't know a thing (even asked hashem that whatever just came out of me shouldn't be a medical issue) and it developed to p on the internet finding ways to sneak onto the computers .... even was caught a few times all before my bar mitzvah then in 9th grade over heard a joke tried it myself and now was also hooked to phone chats and the like ... got caught a few times even admitted it a few times over the years opened up to my parents a few rabbaim mashgiach didn't help for to long just found ways to cover it up more ... in bais medrash years never got caught and really went nuts with the phones ... went to israel and continued stats quo admitted it once when messed up and got a friends card charged but didn't stop for to long got married AND STILL CONTINUED but wife found out ....

now about 3 days before signing on to gye wife busted me again so here i am.

my problems are like this :
1)I'm not a outgoing person by nature and do not have alot of friends which gets to be lonesome
2)my loving wife cares alot but is a very closed person upstairs and downstairs and has been the cause for much tension and stress (yes some has to do with my warped mind but i really feel not all of it is bec. of it ) (cordnoy i think here is where we will relate the most)
3)i'm a sensitive soul that gets down and needs outlets from the stupidest things that really should not bother normal people
4)I was the cause (there were other reasons but i started the process) my brother was so angry for years for he was blamed for using the internet for p when i started and i have still never told him or apologized and it still eats me up.
5)family tensions are skyrocketing since my fathers petirah a few years ago and it drives me insane to see everyone fighting and it does not help that we are the "mediators" for everyone.

well that that any comments or points that need to be clarified please let me know really want to finish this though i know it can take a long time
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 23:03 #301461

that is exactly what i was getting at
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 23:17 #301462

  • cordnoy
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czworking123 wrote on 28 Dec 2016 23:03:
that is exactly what i was getting at

Nobody understands this, as you do not address who you are referencing.

That is the advantage of the quote button.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I will make it b"h 28 Dec 2016 23:24 #301463

  • cordnoy
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Sorry to hear about all that.

#4 can eventually be dealt with.

The others are all variables in this addiction (or whatever you call it) of ours. Ultimately, there is little difference between the longer and the outgoin' guy regardin' this. Large family/small one. Happy or sad. The bottom line is we/i/you have an issue and we gotta fix it. Yes, a fuzzy relationship with wife would be ideal, but sadly, that is not the case. We must fix ourselves, or we will need the excuses all our lives. Is that what you want?

It wasn't what I wanted.

B'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 00:28 #301465

  • serenity
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Thank you for sharing. It sounds to me like your behaviors progressively get work. I also hear a certain amount of powerlessness and unmanageability. I can relate to thinking I don't have resentments against my wife.

hatzlacha
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 00:42 #301466

  • Shlomo24
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Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem.

I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 01:04 #301468

  • serenity
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Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42:
Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem.

I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed.


I thought I was going to die,
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 01:48 #301470

  • cordnoy
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  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11359
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serenity wrote on 29 Dec 2016 01:04:

Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42:
Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem.

I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed.



I thought I was going to die,

Anythin' before Woodstock I don't remember.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 02:22 #301473

  • Shlomo24
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serenity wrote on 29 Dec 2016 01:04:

Shlomo24 wrote on 29 Dec 2016 00:42:
Thank you for your share. Sounds pretty intense. I relate a lot to the story. You said you opened up to people in the past and it didn't help, what else didn't help? The first step to finding a solution is identifying the problem.

I also have to admit that the part about thinking an ejaculation was a medical problem was quite funny to me. The first time I masturbated I thought I had peed.



I thought I was going to die,

Why?
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 05:14 #301490

cordnoy wrote on 28 Dec 2016 22:56:

czworking123 wrote on 28 Dec 2016 22:00:
hey markz/cordnoy look what i found, about the karma thing
Ezra wrote on 20 Mar 2015 00:06:
Actually, a question I've been wondering. What's the difference between saying Thank you or Karma. What is Karma for? Is there some great GYE protocol?

cordnoy wrote on 20 Mar 2015 01:33:
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

the old posts have the best things

Nice.

And in our case here, it was the negative karma that smacked someone in the face.

sorry this is what i was referring to when i said that was the point i was getting at
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 12:36 #301499

having a hard day lots of stress and unexpected turns just don't have time to breathe really frustrated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH(actually feel a little better after that)

will try to answer all the above when have more time

please keep me thinking i really appreciate it
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: I will make it b"h 29 Dec 2016 23:43 #301569

cordnoy wrote on 28 Dec 2016 23:24:
Sorry to hear about all that.

#4 can eventually be dealt with.

The others are all variables in this addiction (or whatever you call it) of ours. Ultimately, there is little difference between the longer and the outgoin' guy regardin' this. Large family/small one. Happy or sad. The bottom line is we/i/you have an issue and we gotta fix it. Yes, a fuzzy relationship with wife would be ideal, but sadly, that is not the case. We must fix ourselves, or we will need the excuses all our lives. Is that what you want?

It wasn't what I wanted.

B'hatzlachah

no i dont want to live with excuses thats why im  here
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h


guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!
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