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Bigmoish's path to tahara
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Bigmoish's path to tahara 65171 Views

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 13:48 #259801

  • Bigmoish
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Bigmoish wrote:
I'm well aware of all the reasons I shouldn't be attracted to her. Thinking about her at all is usually a bad idea.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 13:52 #259803

  • newaction
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Yes , i was just saying think about wife Mural size and about sil old stamp size or not at all. but i was writing what will i have done. Cant wear your shoes.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 13:55 #259804

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I have done it many times, so the thought is a good one. I invariably end up lingering on the good qualities of the wrong woman for several days after such an exercise.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 14:00 #259805

  • newaction
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first of all i empathize and wish you hatzlacha.
about lingering on good qualities , deception is as real as reality;we deceive ourselves thinking many good qualities almost about anything in life until we , buy it , live it, drink it , etc. You cant ever know a woman in reality until you marry her then all the little surprises come to light. The same story applies to "the wrong woman". It is all a trick of the mind.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 15:02 #259809

  • cordnoy
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my thought is to focus on actions to increase love for wife....nothin' else (and not in contrast to anyone)......plus continue the steps.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 16:57 #259814

  • Bigmoish
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cordnoy wrote:
......plus continue the steps

Was a much easier task with the daily phone call
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 19 Jul 2015 17:09 #259819

  • cordnoy
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Bigmoish wrote:
cordnoy wrote:
......plus continue the steps

Was a much easier task with the daily phone call


will try this week - sorry.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 22 Jul 2015 18:54 #260084

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Hi Moish!!!

Thanks for the wake up call!!
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 22 Jul 2015 19:09 #260087

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Didn't realize you were sleeping.
My apologies.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 22 Jul 2015 21:17 #260109

  • cordnoy
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Bigmoish wrote:
Didn't realize you were sleeping.
My apologies.


Aren't we all?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 23 Jul 2015 03:57 #260166

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Bigmoish wrote:
Didn't realize you were sleeping.
My apologies.


Did you seriously think that I'm awake and not posting?! What do you think I am?
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 09 Aug 2015 19:07 #261259

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Bigmoish wrote:
I am feeling down. I know that all that really matters is that I do my best, but it still bothers me that I have a strong attraction to my sister in law. I can't constanty share these feelings with my wife (although she knows about them) because they make her feel inadequate or at fault in some way, which is far from the truth. I feel bad that she suffers even though she does everything she can to try to help me.

serenity wrote:
I'm far from an expert, but I can't see any time that you should ever share that feeling with your wife. I'm pretty sure that your attraction to your sister-in-law is pretty normal. The fact that you let that attraction consume you, may not be. What does your therapist say about it?

Bigmoish wrote:
He (or she) doesn't exist


The situation at hand doesn't appear to be changing.
I won't be going to therapy until my wife wants me to.
She wants to constantly know "how I'm doing," but she only wants to hear that I'm doing good. Oh, and she also doesn't believe me no matter what I say, and she certainly doesn't want to hear that I'm still attracted to her sister, even if I am dealing with it much better.
Since I have to lie to her anyway, I feel like it might just be better to basically cease my activity here (and gmail and calls and texts and whatsapp) and at least be honest with her that she's the only one I discuss it with.
Will the fantasies stop? No.
Will they ever stop? At this point, I doubt it.
Still, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to my wife by not being completely one minded with her.
Not sure if this makes sense, but nothing really does anymore.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 09 Aug 2015 19:44 #261268

  • shlomo613
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Hi BigMoish,
I've just now read the most recent posts on your thread. I'm sorry I haven't got time to read everything at this moment but I will BN catch up later.
I'm sorry to hear that you have this difficulty with your SIL. I'm sure glad that mine isn't attractive. And that I'm not attracted to my brothers' wives who are good looking.
Is there a way you can drastically minimise meeting her say to once a year or so? (I just happened to see in Sefer Chasidim siman 173 this morning that someone who can't get a certain woman out his mind, his takana is to move somewhere else.)

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 09 Aug 2015 20:00 #261270

  • Bigmoish
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Once a week would actually be an improvement, but that is somewhat besides the point of this conversation.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Bigmoish's path to tahara 09 Aug 2015 20:04 #261271

  • shlomo613
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Man, You're seeing her far too often. You're being bombarded.
I'd assume the point of this conversation would be strategies to minimise your temptation?
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