Gut voch Some_guy!

hope you had a good shabbos, and just to let you know, we all love you and admire you for courage you have to work with this massive struggle!!!

just a thought;
maybe dont focus on days, just focus on the minutes, i'm sure you didnt give in the first second - that means you controlled yourself!
celebrate those moments that you were successful!

i got this idea from an article on GYE:
www.guardyoureyes.com/articles/first-day-of-the-rest-of-my-life/item/battle-strategy?category_id=471 />
also, may when its difficult, Daven: "Hashem, i feel its impossible for me not to fall, but Hashem, please help me overcome it this time !"

Hatzlocho Rabbo!!!
(btw, also post when you're successful!)

hey Some guy!

i think it is "fall" season, excuse the pun, as we just experienced the heights of Tishrei, and when one is on the very top it is easy to fall.

i also had a very hard and dirty fall very recently, and guys here gave me tons of chizuk - just like they gave you.

U R NOT ALONE!!!

As to wanting to live- both spiritually and physically, I think of my kids. i don't want them to have a father that is addicted to schmutz, and also he better be alive!
i don't know if that can work for you or not- just my own thing.

I am here for you

Kevin

Nu. Whoever is not yet, can start davening for some_guy. He might be fine - but he might be in rough shape.

...too bad for all this fake name stuff people use here, now all we can say is "Some_guy ben Sarah". Nu. Tatty knows who we mean.


An aside: Many of us have felt very sad and even suicidal at times, R"l. Our problem is painful, especially for those of us who are actually addicts. But I just want to say that if the sadness and suicidal business that some_guy referred to is due to listening to those stupid videos that tell guys things like 'spilling your seed is like strangling the thousands of babies you could have made with this drop of semen!', then I feel that someone else (not the masturbater) is going to a special place in hell, indeed. In this generation, such ideas are so toxic, so useless, and so inconsiderate, that the only benefit I can imagine they could have is to afford a smug sense of self-righteousness to those who spew them onto others.

Love works a lot better. We masturbaters need less facts and more love. We usually come here hungry for facts - the last thing we think we need is love. We use fake names to 'protect' ourselves, we hide anonymously behind phones or computers, don't even tell our own parents or wives the truth...and we search desperately for 'understanding'. "Can someone - anyone - please, please explain to me why I do these things, already?!"

Gevalt. How blind we are.

So we feel like killing ourselves because we already hurt ourselves really badly. Silly. But the love we can find from other sickos who are in successful - not perfect - recovery is the one things that saves us from ourselves. No judgement here, no holier than though is needed. We are sick, crazy, weak, whatever - and we all know what it is like to have that terrible shock: "Oh, my G-d, there it is coming out again...I can't believe that it came all the way to this - again! I swore off last time. I can't believe it - can someone turn the clock back to five seconds ago - just five seconds?...oh G-d, no!!" We have all been there a hundred times.

Like KP said: You, chaver, are not alone! We are here for you. No fear needed. We are not any better than you are even right now, while your eyes are still burning from staying up all night glued onto the screen and your privates are sore from your 'reset-button' (masturbation) being used yet again. Call on us. None here deserve to be in any better shape than you are right now.

Talk about it.

Dear Some guy,

We know very little about you!

If you can share some more info we can help more.

1) How old are you?
2) What do you do learn, work, just hang out?
3) Where do your falls happen bathroom, home, work ??
4) mobile, lap top, pc ?
5) Do you have a "protected environment" meaning filtering software, Accountability Software, "Kosher internet"
non of these will stop an addict in lust mode - but they are often enough to stay clean TODAY
6) Are you single or married?

I know it's is very difficult to share but your must do it.

If not here, then join SA, or one of the GYE groups are get a sponsor or all of these

Just go for it - there's something which will work for you

Dov,

I agree with you (a lot) on the uselessness of the scary methods. we need love, not war
thanks for quoting me
When it comes to the fake name issues (and that's an old one...) - I know your approach , the Dr Kirk bit included. There's a lot to it.
However, I think it is beautiful that you & I can care for a Jew WITHOUT knowing his name, address, nationality or profession. I only know that he is a struggler like me, needing help, and that ALONE is enough to bond us.
isn't that good?

It is geshmak. But I'd like to go one step further.

I sit in a room of addicts, hold the hand of the man next to me who might be roman catholic, jewish, nothing, democrat , mormon, a gentile married to a jewess, whatever...and I ask Hashem to keep us sober so that this world can be a better place for more lonely addicts out there to find a way out of living hell, no matter who they are. We in the room all agree on that, no matter what. It is a simple pleasure for me that cannot be described too easily.

And I carried that gift with me here to GYE.

The only reason in the world that I make a fuss about the fake name thing is because I want for these GYE people here all the good I found in the recovery rooms - we brought our real faces there and it made it real. I understand the problem for the poor guy named "chuna-feitel"...maybe...but just see all the resistance to writing a simple "Chaim", "Michoel", or "Yossi". Gevalt. To save pennies of fear, they sell off gold dinars worth of realness.

Enough - you brought it up, not me. And I have been very calm about it for a good while. I'll take a valium and come back later.

- 8)

Well Dov what are we going to do now after we have registered fake names?! To make everyone change will really mix us up. But what I like about you and E-Tek (maybe others do it to I just don't remember) is that when you sign off a post you write your (or one of your) real names and it gives a authentic touch to it. I am going to start doing it too.

Bye for now Yitzchok (Jewish Jew)

U r so right! Congrats and y'yasher kochacho! Many who say they are using their 'real name' use some obscure name that's technically theirs...when they ask, I tell them "your real name is the one your wife and friends call you every day. The name you really identify with." They usually feel too 'uncomfortable' to do that, for some reason. Nu. It's captain Kirk, again...

That's great, Yitzchok!

- Dov
(my real name that my wife and all my friends and close family call me...no [unused] middle name or 'work' name, here)

BSD

hi Dov

Your experience in the support group soounds really moving. I was impressed. Really.

I have many reasons, not just shame, for not using my real name. One day I will write a long one about it, IY"H...


Kevin Pond (my very real GYE name, which I actually begin to like and am not giving up so easily!)

When you finally do write it all out it might prove to be the 'straw that broke the camel's back' - a turning point. The harder and more crazy-seeming a thing is, often the more necessary it is. Almost every problem I have lived with that I wished I had gotten rid of was tolerated so long, mainly because I was as yet unwilling to pay the price of starting real change. That cost was simply perceived as way too much.

Nu. When the time came and it hurt enough, the cost did not even seem relevant any more and I did whatever I had to do without fear. There was simply no other way any more. I used up all the softer, easier ways already.

Sorry for beating this dead horse, of late. But I want to share that this is not really an 'admission' price. It is not a 'rite of passage' for newbies only.

Chuck, an alky I learned from, taught me that living recovery is a repetitive process that always starts with a problem, moves to pain or enlightenment, and ends with uncomfortable action. He called it "Uncovering, Discovering, and Discarding". And the first time it really happens - the worst time and the most rewarding - is with our drug of choice, our addiction. Then ever after it happens with each defect of character as we grow up for the rest of our lives.

Yehudi hu tamid baderech, ein hu yachol lavo leshum tachlis (Breslov).

v'nosati lecho mehalchim bein ha'omdim ha'eileh (Zecharyah).

And finally:

Pischu li sha'arei tzedek, avo vom odeh Kah - zeh hasha'ar LaShem, tzadikim yavo'u vo -
Q: What's the gateway?
A: Pischu li! I am at the gate again. No matter how much I accomplished till now and how much I have grown, I can always go back outside and stand at the gate like someone who has never been in the palace yet at all. I can still cry "Please, please open up the door for me and let me in to start!" all over again. It's not a faker game - I really mean it Hashem. I am starting out.
That is where tzadikim yavo'u vo. (Kedushas Levi [or maybe Noam Elimelech?])

So there will be big wins after breaking through big obstacles of shame and fear...and then there will be new ones. We never 'arrive'.

That's real life.

Yes, just turning on my computer and watching people having sex and fantasizing that I am there having the time of my life - is a lot easier. But do I want more excrement, or some reality? That is the only question.

OK. I gotta shut up. Writing too much...sorry.
Bye!

No, you're not writing too much. What you wrote was really good. Food for thought for me.

Reb Dov just keep writing you are an inspiration.

About using my real name, not so easy.

Its fine if you have a common name, but some of us have names which are not so common.

Why are most of the guys n the 90 day chart have no topics of their own?

Are they too busy to write?
Afraid to reveal their inner self?
Afraid of being recognized?

i hesitate to write my real name, not for the people who are real and will accept me for what i am,
but out of fear that people who know me (maybe some of the member's or some of the 100's of guests) that may figure out who i am and not accept me with all my mess-ups etc.

similar to why we dont go around telling everyone all our struggles etc.

also other members of my family wont be to excited...

It doesn't help that our comments show up on Google. I think it would be better not to allow guest access.

Thank you all for your encouragement. It really touched me. You don't have to worry about me comiting suiside. I reasoned that if I did it in my hometown than my family would have to move. Because I have no way to leave here (I can't drive yet), I can't commite suiside. This logic has stopped me many times. I was just saying that I felt like I wanted to end it all.

But enough negative talk. I am on day four and feeling great. My new partner is helping me and I hope I am helping him. I got rid of my labtop. Now I have no way to get to p*** that I know of. Thank you all again for the insights.