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Home of Gibbor120
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Home of Gibbor120 81924 Views

Re: Home of Gibbor120 25 Jan 2017 19:16 #304239

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you gave me some food for thought there. thanks
Don't take life too seriously:wink:

Re: Home of Gibbor120 25 Jan 2017 19:50 #304246

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thatslife, like the avatar, cute.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 26 Jan 2017 02:14 #304275

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That was an amazing post. I'm not there yet on everything you said, but some of it I am. I relate a lot. I have a 3.9 GPA. You know how that is for a perfectionist! My latest semester I got an A+, A, A, A, A-. And I was upset about the A-. Because I studied so much! I deserve an A! How could I only get an A-! I'm in a phase of my recovery in which I am seeing how much "self" is involved in my decision making. It's astonishing and I probably have only scratched the surface.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
Last Edit: 26 Jan 2017 02:16 by Shlomo24.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 26 Jan 2017 03:40 #304283

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Halevai all my kids' report cards should look like that.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Home of Gibbor120 26 Jan 2017 07:18 #304291

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gibbor120 wrote on 25 Jan 2017 17:07:
I originally wrote this as a PM, but then realized that I should post in on my thread.  I sometimes forget the things that helped me get sober.  Here are a few ideas that may be helpful to others.

When I came to GYE, one of the first things I realized was that the "issur" isn't the problem per se.  Meaning, fantasizing about my wife, in my mind at least, was muttar, so why not.  I didn't realize that I was still feeding my lust, and as they say "the more you feed it, the more you need it".  I learned that I couldn't look at things in terms of muttar or assur, but in terms of, is this feeding my lust or not.  Once I lust, I loose control (I have a lust allergy), whether my wife is the object of my lust or some shiksa.  In terms of lust itself, it makes no difference.

In general, I found that low self-esteem and perfectionism were big problems for me.  I took myself too seriously.  I was too tense.  I assumed that being very exact about doing mitzvos was a positive thing.  I didn't realize that much of it was just my perfectionism.  I don't want to be bad (low self-esteem speaking), so let's try to be perfect, so I will never do anything bad (perfectionism).  That causes a lot of stress on both me and my wife.  Stress leads to acting out.  Especially when I upset my wife.  That type of stress, definitely leads to acting out.  I found Dr. Sorotzkin to be very helpful.

I also joined Dov's phone call, and did a first step inventory.  Being able to admit my faults out loud and not die from it helped me a lot.  I also learned to discuss my faults with my wife (not all acting out related).  It helped me to accept myself as I am, and I became more relaxed.  To my surprise, my wife also accepted me as I am, and now we had open communication which made us feel much closer. Paridoxically, as I accepted imperfection and faults, my self-esteem and confidence grew.

I learned from Dov the concept of living on G-d's terms.  In my own words, the third step is "kol mah deavid Rachmana letav avid".  Let Hashem run the show.  Now, instead of being on edge and getting angry because "I" need to learn and one of the kids is misbehaving. I was able to calmly say to myself, "what does Hashem want from me now"?  Obviously, to take care of my child.  The learning will have to wait.  I would read a book to my child and instead of yelling because "my" learning was interrupted, I just had a wonderful bonding moment and solved a chinuch issue at the same time.  This was a major attitude change for me, and a real game changer for my recovery.

Many times, I'd be tense because "I" need to make barchu.  "I" need to learn.  Focusing on what does Hashem "need" from me is a subtle but powerful attitude change.  (I don't claim to always do this.  Not even close.  But I'm aware of it, and even small changes, can make a big difference)

I became much calmer, and naturally, the urges to act out became less frequent and less intense.

It's good for me to review this once in a while, so thank you (and you know who you are) for motivating me to write this out.

I hope it helps someone. It definitely helped me!

Beautiful. It is amazing, that. Perhaps the more "self" you nullify, the more Godliness can enter you.
My Chavrusa's in-laws. One of the posts on my thread go more into it. But they had a tragic accident. Their 12-year-old daughter was killed, her neshoma should have an aliyah. But the mother miraculously survived what seemed something fatal. I asked him, how do you deal with such diverse experiences? Pain at the loss, but gratitude at the miracle of the mother's life? But that's how Hashem designed the world. To be mixed up in opposites and perform with willingness. It's a clashing reality. It's scary at times. Sometimes I fear having lots of children because then I'd be even less in control. How do I keep all of em safe? What if one of them dies and one survives, R"L? These are realities that make an addict act out. But the key is to embrace them. Because it's in the hands of our Father. It can't possibly go wrong.

Still, scary.


I understand the "I" involved, but I find it weird because I'm doing it because the Shulchan Aruch tells me to. And says how bad people coming late is. And people leaving early. Isn't that Hashem's will? Why isn't there a hakdoma to the Halocha that says, "if your wife needs you, just chill, bro."
Unless there is. But where?
Though I do know in myself when my valiant rush for a minyan is coming from a good place or a bad place.
Conversely, I know in myself when my valiant rush not to make a minyan is coming from a good place or a bad place. Haha...
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Home of Gibbor120 31 Jan 2017 17:15 #304695

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Thanks.  Let me give a better example.  I am running late.  It's my fault because I was lazy getting up.  I don't want to be late for shul, so I drive like a nut to get there on time.  I cut someone off and make a chillul Hashem.   Clearly, in that example,  Hashem wanted me to drive like a mentch.  The fact that I'm late is my fault and not an excuse to drive that way.

Yes, sometimes it is unclear.  But, in my case, I think a lot of it had to do with "my" need to feel that I'm good and not bad.  Not necessarily what Hashem wants from me.

Look at your actions. Are they consistent?  You rush to daven or learn, but then do you waste time when you learn.  Ultimately, it's an honesty thing. Are your actions consistent with someone who cares about what the shulchan aruch says?  What about when you don't feel like it? Do you make excuses? 

It is just something you have to know about yourself.  I think we lie to ourselves a lot.  I know I do.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 31 Jan 2017 18:40 #304700

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Met anybody interestin' lately?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 09 Feb 2017 22:31 #305477

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Anyone interested in giving weight to gibbor120 and help me get him to 120?
My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Re: Home of Gibbor120 09 Feb 2017 23:06 #305482

Can you explain in English what you mean?
my thread:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/300426-I-will-make-it-bh">I will make it b"h











very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 00:22 #305488

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Scroll up the page and look at gibbor's resume. He has lots of fans including myself so he's now at 120 from 117 two hours ago

The Home Run of Gibbor
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Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 00:46 #305489

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It should be locked at 120.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 01:12 #305492

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Shlomo24 wrote on 10 Feb 2017 00:46:
It should be locked at 120.

And yours at 24?
You must be kidding
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Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 02:06 #305495

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gibbor120 wrote on 31 Jan 2017 17:15:
Thanks.  Let me give a better example.  I am running late.  It's my fault because I was lazy getting up.  I don't want to be late for shul, so I drive like a nut to get there on time.  I cut someone off and make a chillul Hashem.   Clearly, in that example,  Hashem wanted me to drive like a mentch.  The fact that I'm late is my fault and not an excuse to drive that way.

Yes, sometimes it is unclear.  But, in my case, I think a lot of it had to do with "my" need to feel that I'm good and not bad.  Not necessarily what Hashem wants from me.

Look at your actions. Are they consistent?  You rush to daven or learn, but then do you waste time when you learn.  Ultimately, it's an honesty thing. Are your actions consistent with someone who cares about what the shulchan aruch says?  What about when you don't feel like it? Do you make excuses? 

It is just something you have to know about yourself.  I think we lie to ourselves a lot.  I know I do.

These words are gadlus.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 02:21 #305499

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Markz wrote on 10 Feb 2017 01:12:

Shlomo24 wrote on 10 Feb 2017 00:46:
It should be locked at 120.

And yours at 24?
You must be kidding

Good thing they removed the minus...
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Home of Gibbor120 10 Feb 2017 05:42 #305505

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Markz wrote on 10 Feb 2017 01:12:

Shlomo24 wrote on 10 Feb 2017 00:46:
It should be locked at 120.

And yours at 24?
You must be kidding

Lol. I was thinking more of 240...
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
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