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Home of Gibbor120
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Home of Gibbor120 81162 Views

Re: Home of Gibbor120 19 May 2015 19:36 #255064

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Boy, it's nice to have some visitors in my home. It's been a while.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 19 May 2015 19:37 #255065

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skeptical wrote:
That's the difference between the approaches of Nochum Ish Gamzu and his student Rabbi Akiva.

Nochum Ish Gam Zu saw everything, even the seemingly bad, as THIS is good.

Rabbi Akiva would say, Everything that happens is FOR the good. This thing may not be good, it could be unpleasant, but ultimately, it will be for the good.

In the story of R' Yehoshua ben Levi who accompanied Eliyahu Hanavi, one can see how perceived blessings can actually be curses, and perceived curses can actually be blessings.


I'm also not sure of your distinction, and if that in fact is pshat.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 20 May 2015 03:05 #255089

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Starts at the "Daled"

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Loose Translation from the book, Chassidic Dimensions:

We find two expressions in the Gemara expressing the theme that all that comes from above is for the good:

a) “All that G-d does, He does for the good;”4

b) “This, too, is for the good.”5

The first expression is mentioned in the Gemara in Aramaic, while the second is cited in Lashon HaKodesh, the Holy Tongue.

Lashon HaKodesh is a language that is both holy and refined. All things in Lashon HaKodesh are clear, i.e., we are able to clearly see how everything is for the good. “All that G-d does, He does for the good,” however, was said in Aramaic; the goodness is not so clearly seen.

This will be better understood by describing the incidents that gave rise to these two expressions:

R. Akiva once went on a journey and took along a candle, a donkey and a rooster. Providentially, he could not find lodging in the city, so he slept in a nearby field. A wind extinguished his candle, a lion ate his donkey, and a cat ate his rooster. Said R. Akiva: “All that G-d does, He does for the good.”

A little later it was revealed that all was indeed for the good. For that night a marauding band had plundered the nearby city. Had he slept in the city, he too would have fallen victim; had the candle not been extinguished he would have been seen; had the donkey and rooster not been consumed, the sounds they made would have been heard by the brigands. By losing everything he was saved.

“This, too, is for the good” is cited in the Gemara with regard to the Tanna Nachum Ish Gam Zu, who was called this for he would always say: “Gam zu l’tovah,” “This, too, is for the good.”

R. Nachum was sent with a treasure chest to the king of Rome to avert a decree against the Jewish people. Robbers came and stole all the gems in the chest, replacing them with sand. Said R. Nachum: “This, too, is for the good.”

When he presented the chest of sand to the king, he was about to be summarily executed. G-d sent Eliyahu HaNavi in the form of one of the king’s ministers, who suggested that this might be “magic Jewish sand,” similar to the sand used by Avraham. The earth was immediately put to good use in battle.

The difference between these incidents is that R. Akiva truly suffered a loss and was anguished. Yes, it served a beneficial purpose, but the events themselves pained him. R. Nachum, however, suffered no loss at all. On the contrary, had he brought the gems, who knows whether this would have been an agreeable gift, as a king does not lack precious stones. Magical sand, however, is a different matter.

Thus, R. Akiva did in fact endure pain at his loss, though his suffering saved his life. For R. Nachum, however, the robbery itself was an act of goodness.

R. Nachum was R. Akiva’s master.6 R. Akiva thus lived a generation later, during a time when there was a greater degree of darkness, for with each generation away from the Beis HaMikdash the darkness grows. He therefore could not see in a revealed sense how every event in itself is good. He therefore said: “All that G-d does, He does for the good.”

R. Nachum, however, lived a generation earlier, at a time of greater divine illumination, and was able to perceive the actual goodness inherent in even a seemingly untoward event. Therefore his constant comment was: “This, too [i.e. the event itself] is clearly an act of goodness.”

Based on Likkutei Sichos, Vol. II, pp. 392-395.

FOOTNOTES
1. Rosh HaShanah 31b.
2. See Likkutei Torah , Vayikra, p. 48a.
3. Iggeres HaKodesh, Epistle XIV.
4. Berachos 60b.
5. Taanis 21a, Sanhedrin 108b.
6. Chagigah 12a.
Last Edit: 20 May 2015 03:11 by skeptical.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 20 May 2015 09:48 #255100

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I dont know if the english is what was said in the yiddish, but i have difficuly understandin' yiddish written.

based upon the english, there really are no major differences between the two, like it has been stated above, but that the one saw clearer than the other.

the fact that r akiva suffered was brought down.
im not sure its meanin'.
it said he was anguished; does the gemora say that?

there was a hint that he suffered, for he did not see as clear as nachum.
that doesn't sit well with me. we are talkin' about r' akiva here!?

anyway, what i got l'maskanah from here (the english) is that if one sees clearly (which we can't, for we certainly are not even on r'akiva's level), he will see no bad (in the circumstances mentioned above), and if one does not see so clearly (which is us), perhaps he might perceive bad, but he will know or realize or understand that it is all for good.

thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 20 May 2015 19:12 #255143

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We definitely are not on either of their levels, but these stories are told to learn from.

We need to tell ourselves - a lot - the messages of Rabbi Akiva and Nochum Ish Gam Zu, to the point that maybe on some level we'll even believe it, but we can trust in them that indeed, everything Hashem does (Even the "this" in our situations) is for the good.

PS. This profound and very entertaining talk illustrates just how clear and precise Lashon Hakodesh is.
Last Edit: 20 May 2015 19:15 by skeptical.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 03:53 #255263

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The Kotzker said, "I prefer the rosho who knows he is a rosha, to the tzaddik who knows he is a tzaddik." As usual, his great (deadpan) sense of humor shines through, while teaching deep wisdom.

Personally along those lines, I'd rather have real people really admit that - "No, I do not really accept that everything that happens is for the best. For I do hate many things (I like to call that 'getting frustrated') and I do get angry at people (I like to call that 'some people bother me'). And I admit this is not about philosophy or religion and I am tired of making it look like that. Enough platitudes. It's just the truth about me and Hashem knows it. He agrees w me that it's the truth about me and I'd like to be on the same page with Him about it." Finally, finally, this guy will have firm ground to stand on while he works toward an emunah that works.

That firm ground is called 'Self Honesty'. A thing we are all afraid of - even some of our rebbis who keep feeding us with what they sincerely believe is inspiration and chizzuk. But if we are addicts, we are way past that. And without acceptance of the truth about ourselves (as un-Torahdik as it is), all the Torah in the world will not help an iota...as we see ourselves for here we are on GYE!

Sincerity in ideals is not the answer. The truth about ourselves is. It is the start - the 1st Step of recovery and even the first step in madreigos. I believe that before R' Akiva and his rebbi had their madreigos, they had self-honesty.

And without a healthy, unseemly, and irreligious-sounding dose of self-honesty, what hope is there for frum chronic porn users like us to get anywhere with Torah?

None, at all.

I believe this is part of what Chaza"l meant when they said ein divrei Tora miskaymin ella b'mi sh'meimis es atzmo aleihem. It's mainly the ego that needs to die. And our egos are very religious egos. Addicts like me have hidden too long behind yiddishkeit, talking of how we should be and what the Torah is about - so that we do not really need to admit what we really do and what we are about.

Thanks for letting me share, chaveirim!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
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Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 15:55 #255303

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I'm far from being a tzaddik, and striving to be one isn't even on my radar.

That being said, we are told to imitate G-d's ways. Just as Hashem is kind and takes care of people, so are we to look out for one another. Just as Hashem has rachmonos on people, so are we to have rachmonos on people. Just as Hashem is slow to anger, so are we to be slow to anger. And so on and so forth.

If I can learn how to act and how to view the world from Hashem, Who is infinitely beyond anyone I can relate to, I can certainly learn from Tzaddikim, who while they are many many many levels beyond me, are still human.

It's about training the mind. People are born with one concern - themselves. It takes training to learn how to live and behave properly.

The whole 12-step program is about training the mind to think differently. "Let go and let G-d" is pretty much the same as "Everything that happens is for the best."

I don't understand your aversion to learning these things from Torah, but whatever.

May we accept and receive the Torah this coming Yom Tov, k'ish echad b'lev echad.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 16:05 #255307

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Ouch. When Dov swings his bat..
I'm sure Dov is a nitzotz of the Kotzker.
In truth I intend to link that post into my signature.
A good Yom tov to all.
Shlomo

Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 16:07 #255308

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shlomo613 wrote:
Ouch. When Dov swings his bat..
I'm sure Dov is a nitzotz of the Kotzker.
In truth I intend to link that post into my signature.
A good Yom tov to all.
Shlomo


I am not so convinced that his post is for many that are here.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 16:10 #255309

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Did you mean 'his post' or 'this post'?
If it's the latter I'll delete it.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 22 May 2015 16:13 #255310

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his
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 08 Jun 2015 16:51 #256353

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I am both happy and humbled to announce that today, I am 6 years sober B"H.

I am so fortunate and grateful to have support from so many sources, from my wife, my rav, my friends here at GYE, and from the RBS"O who gives me all these belssings.

Thank you all who have helped me, whether you welcomed me when I was new and very nervous, wrote encouraging words, listened to me, taught me a thing or two, or made me laugh out loud at work. I could not be sober today without your help.

I know it is dangerous to single people out, but there are a few that I need to mention. Guard of course, for nothing would have been possible without GYE. Dov, because many of the lessons of recovery that I try to use, I learned from him. Zemiros, because he was one of the first to welcome me, and we still stay in touch, and have even met a few times, and of course for making me lol quite a bit. Alex Eliezer, many of the newcomers don't know him, because he doesn't post that often any more, but he was one of the first I spoke to on the phone and really shared our stories and struggles in depth. We still keep in touch as well. There are many more, and I thank you all, but I don't want to try to thank everyone individually.

I acted out in various ways for over 20 years, more than 10 years of it was after I was married. I did not know how to break free. One of the best (and worst) things to happen to me, was my wife catching me 6 years ago today. It started me on a difficult road to recovery, but a wonderful one as well.

For 2 years before I found GYE, I managed to stay sober, but at times, I felt like I was white knuckling, and I was still missing many of the tools to acheive long-term sobriety.

When I found GYE, so many things clicked into place. It was not easy, but I came to many realizations, and found many tools and attitudes that made sobriety easier to achieve.

I learned that the enemy was lust, not the aveirah of histaklus, or shichvas zera levatala. I learned that fantasy in the context of marriage fed my lust just as much.

I learned that half measures don't work. I have an allergy to lust, and taking a "sip" leads to a binge - guaranteed. "Sipping" includes fantasy, and it even includes fantasizing about my wife.

I learned that fantasy, and acting out is a form of escape. I learned that much of the reason that I needed an escape boiled down to gaivah, wanting to run the show, rather than "letting" Hashem run the show. Jealousy, fear, resentment, and anger all stem from putting myself in the center rather than Hashem. As it says in Dov's signature - "the heck with me, what can I do for you". Internalizing that one attitude alone can transform a person.

I learned that I need to get off the 18 wheeler and get onto a tricycle. I need to accept my imperfect reality, rather than to try and outwardly portray perfection. I need to accept where I am, not where I wish I was.

Finding GYE enabled me to speak openly and freely for the first time about a problem that is private and embarrasing. I tend to be a closed person. I found opening up and being able to talk both humbling and therapeutic.

My life has gotten immeasurably better since joining GYE. My overall happiness and contentment in all aspects of my life, especially my marriage and my family life, has dramatically changed for the better. GYE has affected me in so many positive ways. I really cannot say thank you enough. Being controlled by lust is hell. It's not a way to live. GYE gave me my life back. I am grateful beyond words.

THANK YOU ALL! KOT! NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Re: Home of Gibbor120 08 Jun 2015 17:28 #256355

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Dear Gibbor,

I was just logging on to wish you Mazal Tov on being six years clean (I have my sources ), and was very moved by your post.

As was noted recently in the name of Guard (when a fellow GYE member reached this same milestone), the number six represents Yesod.

Mazal Tov, and may you continue mei'chayil el chayil!

B'Yedidus,

Kedusha
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!

Re: Home of Gibbor120 08 Jun 2015 18:10 #256357

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Mazel tov! Mazel Tov! I'm so happy for you and for the rest of us here, because we get so much chizrk from this.

I'm wondering if you can talk about how your life has improved with sobriety?

This is amazing. Thanks !
Much Hatzlacha!

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--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Home of Gibbor120 08 Jun 2015 18:58 #256362

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Mazel Tov!! KOMT!!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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