Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :)
(0 viewing) 
Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

TOPIC: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 299230 Views

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 03 Jan 2016 23:27 #273232

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
Dov wrote


A rabbi, a priest, and a minister get together (first mistake) to prove whose better at their job. They go to the woods to convert bears and agree to compare notes in 1 hour. Back at the LZ, the priest says he got the bear to take a copy of the catechism and he agreed to come to church this sunday for communion. The minister relates how he actually baptised his bear and got him to flop on the ground and talk in tongues for a bit. They look around for the rabbi and find him on the ground nearby with his shirt and jacket wrapped around some wounds. They asked him what happenned.
He just replied, "Maybe I shouldn't have begun with the circumcision."

My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 03 Jan 2016 23:27 by Markz.

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 03 Jan 2016 23:30 #273233

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 155
cordnoy wrote:
Gevura Shebyesod wrote:
Does she wear red pajamas and have blue hair?


At first I was gonna write that this is the second joke in a row (including big bad friendly Moish) that I didn't chap, but then I got it, and no, gevurah did not mean k.p.



thingone.png
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 03 Jan 2016 23:33 #273234

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
Stillgoings SIGNATURE wrote:
Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.
I see you're obsessed with these "things"
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 03 Jan 2016 23:37 by Markz.

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 04 Jan 2016 00:17 #273239

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 155
markz wrote:
Stillgoings SIGNATURE wrote:

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.
I see you're obsessed with these "things"


to be read as a rap..
I have lust in my head.
I have feet in my shoes.
I can steer myself in the direction of booze.
I'm on my own, and i don't know what i know.
But I'm still the guy who'll decide where I go.
I choose to Live, because that's where it's at,
i won't lust or dream, now how about that.
The bite of lust is even worse then its bark,
and i wrote this in honor of the hailiga mark(zzzzzzz)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 04 Jan 2016 00:30 #273241

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
stillgoing wrote:
markz wrote:
Stillgoings SIGNATURE wrote:

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own, and you know what you know.
And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.
I see you're obsessed with these "things"


to be read as a rap..
I have lust in my head.
I have feet in my shoes.
I can steer myself in the direction of booze.
I'm on my own, and i don't know what i know.
But I'm still the guy who'll decide where I go.
I choose to Live, because that's where it's at,
i won't lust or dream, now how about that.
The bite of lust is even worse then its bark,
and i wrote this in honor of the hailiga mark(zzzzzzz)
Signature update?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 04 Jan 2016 01:17 #273242

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
The Perfect Worker Evaluation

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 05 Jan 2016 03:23 #273354

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
It's not always the best idea to become an engineer


In some foreign country a rabbi, a lawyer and an engineer are about
to be guillotined. The rabbi puts his head on the block, they pull
the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by
divine intervention -- so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block
and again the rope doesn't release the blade -- he claims he can't
be executed twice for the same crime -- so he is set free too. They
grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up
at the release mechanism and says, "Hey, wait a minute, I think I
see your problem..."
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 07 Jan 2016 03:23 #273575

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
Subject: Tech Support

A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: "What's the problem?"
LUser: "There is smoke coming out of the power supply."
Tech: "You'll need a new power supply."
LUser: "No I don't! I just need to change the startup files."
Tech: "Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it."
LUser: "No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command."

10 minutes later, the LUser is still adamant that they are right.
The Tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem."
LUser: "I knew it!"
Tech: "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes."

10 minutes later.

LUser: "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
Tech: "Well, what version of DOS are you using?"
LUser: "MS-DOS 6.22."
Tech: "That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come
with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file. Let me know how it goes."

1 hour later.

LUser: "I need a new power supply."
Tech: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
LUser:"Well, I rang Microsoft and told him all about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply."
Tech: "Then what did he say?"
LUser: "He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE."
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 07 Jan 2016 17:10 #273622

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 155
A computer programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."

The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said "I'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east."

The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."

The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes"

Genie: "Uh, let me see that Mideast map again."
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 07 Jan 2016 17:15 #273624

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
image_2016-01-07.gif
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 07 Jan 2016 17:28 #273628

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 155
markz wrote:
Subject: Tech Support

A guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: "What's the problem?"
LUser: "There is smoke coming out of the power supply."
Tech: "You'll need a new power supply."
LUser: "No I don't! I just need to change the startup files."
Tech: "Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it."
LUser: "No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command."

10 minutes later, the LUser is still adamant that they are right.
The Tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: "Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but
there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem."
LUser: "I knew it!"
Tech: "Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes."

10 minutes later.

LUser: "It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking."
Tech: "Well, what version of DOS are you using?"
LUser: "MS-DOS 6.22."
Tech: "That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come
with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will
give you the file. Let me know how it goes."

1 hour later.

LUser: "I need a new power supply."
Tech: "How did you come to that conclusion?"
LUser:"Well, I rang Microsoft and told him all about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply."
Tech: "Then what did he say?"
LUser: "He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with
NOSMOKE."

Teef! Sometimes it doesn't pay to argue with somebody. The successful person is the one who can let go, look bad (he admitted that there was a LOAD NOSMOKE.COM command) and let the other person feel important. The tech guy will get great reviews from the lUser for the secret tip and probably a raise from his boss for dealing with this famous and stu*** client so well.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 08 Jan 2016 01:51 #273658

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
E-mail from G-d

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.

Well, he thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When the male angel returned he went to God and told him yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good. God said this was not good.

He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them, a little something to help them keep going.



Do you know what that E-mail said











































Oh, you didn't get one either
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 08 Jan 2016 04:50 #273665

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
Guys I don't know if you should be hitting thank you for that last post, you look stupid, no?

Unless you are part of the 5% and basically meant to thank me for being a jerk. Well then come on, be a nice samaritan
Teach me how to be good so I can also recieve Gds emails, and we can prosper together. Deal?
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 08 Jan 2016 04:51 by Markz.

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 08 Jan 2016 07:47 #273671

  • Yesod
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 827
  • Karma: 78
Thank you for pointing out the email.
Turned out it was in my spam folder

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 10 Jan 2016 01:28 #273773

  • Markz
  • Current streak: 197 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 7540
  • Karma: 384
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to
launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets
and space shuttles, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is
to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to
test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on
the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were
made to borrow the gun. But when the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel,
crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens,
crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's
backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified, the Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and asked
the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence: "Thaw the chicken."
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Time to create page: 1.19 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes