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The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :)
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Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

TOPIC: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 299228 Views

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 30 Oct 2015 17:12 #267387

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peloni almoni wrote:
i was wondering - it says this blog was someone named jerusalemsexaddict. is that "jerusalem sex addict", or the ever-more optimistic "jerusalem's ex-addict".
then it occurred to me that maybe when he started, he was a jerusalem sex addict. thanks to GYE, now he is jerusalem's ex-addict.
however, one may ask on this pshat that an addict is never really an ex-addict.
ויש ליישב ואין כאן מקום להאריך

You can also make a chakira for my name, is it mesayin as in מסייעין אותו, or mess ayin as in מת עין

And there can be a couple of pshatim in לשבח ,מת עין or לגנאי

וק''ל
My thread/My story

Slogans and Sayings

Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

Feel free to contact me anytime through private message or chat.

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Check out my powerful tefila.

Depressed? Check out some of my jokes

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 30 Oct 2015 17:24 #267388

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Mesayin wrote:
peloni almoni wrote:
i was wondering - it says this blog was someone named jerusalemsexaddict. is that "jerusalem sex addict", or the ever-more optimistic "jerusalem's ex-addict".
then it occurred to me that maybe when he started, he was a jerusalem sex addict. thanks to GYE, now he is jerusalem's ex-addict.
however, one may ask on this pshat that an addict is never really an ex-addict.
ויש ליישב ואין כאן מקום להאריך

You can also make a chakira for my name, is it mesayin as in מסייעין אותו, or mess ayin as in מת עין

And there can be a couple of pshatim in לשבח ,מת עין or לגנאי

וק''ל


believe it or not, i originally thought your name was english - me sayin' (cordnoy language, without the g) kelomar this is you saying your devarim
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 02 Nov 2015 17:55 #267556

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peloni almoni wrote:
Mesayin wrote:
peloni almoni wrote:
i was wondering - it says this blog was someone named jerusalemsexaddict. is that "jerusalem sex addict", or the ever-more optimistic "jerusalem's ex-addict".
then it occurred to me that maybe when he started, he was a jerusalem sex addict. thanks to GYE, now he is jerusalem's ex-addict.
however, one may ask on this pshat that an addict is never really an ex-addict.
ויש ליישב ואין כאן מקום להאריך

You can also make a chakira for my name, is it mesayin as in מסייעין אותו, or mess ayin as in מת עין

And there can be a couple of pshatim in לשבח ,מת עין or לגנאי

וק''ל


believe it or not, i originally thought your name was english - me sayin' (cordnoy language, without the g) kelomar this is you saying your devarim


SERIOUSLY????
My thread/My story

Slogans and Sayings

Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

Feel free to contact me anytime through private message or chat.

Chizzuk emails by Rabbi Duvid Ashear shlita that can change your day subscribe now.

Check out my powerful tefila.

Depressed? Check out some of my jokes

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 02 Nov 2015 18:00 #267560

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SORRY!
I told her she had three beautiful children. My mistake. She didn't have to get all pissed off and threaten me with a bomb. It was an honest mistake.


910bd11_2015-11-02.jpg
My thread/My story

Slogans and Sayings

Relapses and falling are inevitable, the challenge is getting up.

Tzaddikim are the not the ones that don't fall, they are the ones that fall constantly and get up constantly.

Feel free to contact me anytime through private message or chat.

Chizzuk emails by Rabbi Duvid Ashear shlita that can change your day subscribe now.

Check out my powerful tefila.

Depressed? Check out some of my jokes

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 13 Nov 2015 03:45 #268514

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Mesayin this is in your Honor for reaching 100 days
jerusalemsexaddict wrote:
An American, an English chap, and a Chinese guy were in a boat crash and got stranded on a desert island.
Taking action,the American said:
"I'll look for food. You, Winston, find shelter. And Ming, you're in charge of supplies."
After an hour, the American returned to the spot with food.
The British guy came soon after with news of a cave.
They waited for the Chinese guy for another couple hours.
He still didn't return.
After another couple hours, the Chinese guy still hadn't come back,and they decided to just leave to the cave.
Right as they were walking out, the Chinese guy suddenly jumped out of the bushes...
"Suplize!!!"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 18 Nov 2015 05:01 #268920

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TrYiNg wrote:
3 Reasons Not To Mess With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she
asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and
sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
'Thou shall not kill...'


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Nov 2015 04:10 #269024

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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they
got back, the bride immediately called her mother. "Well, how was
the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things
I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got
to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be
so awful?
What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so
embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and
take me home... please mama!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing,
the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Nov 2015 04:58 #269036

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A rabbi and a priest are driving separate autos on a mountain road during a very bad snow storm. The priest is driving down the mountain. The rabbi is driving up the mountain. They meet on a narrow curve in the road. Their autos crash. The priest's auto goes down over the hillside and smacks into a large pine tree. The rabbi's auto crashes into the side of the mountain. Both autos are seriously damaged.
The rabbi is not hurt. He climbs out of his tangled mess runs down the hillside to find the priest slumped over the steering wheel. The rabbi says, "Father, are you hurt? Are you all right?"

The priest regains consciousness and responds, "I'm O.K."

The rabbi asks, "Would you like a small shot of whiskey?"

The priest responds, "That would be nice."

The rabbi hurries up the hill, goes to the glove box of his auto, takes out a small silver flask of whiskey and then returns to the priest. He offers him a drink. The priest takes one generous swig then hands the bottle to the rabbi who says, "Please take one more. You're in such pain."

The priest obliges. Then after the second drink the priest offers the flask to the rabbi again who declines, insisting there isn't much and he should take one more drink. After the third drink the priest asks the rabbi, "Aren't you going to have a drink with me?"

The rabbi takes the flask, immediately puts the cap on it, and hands it back to the priest and responds, "I'll have a drink after the police arrive."
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 20 Nov 2015 04:25 #269128

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60 ways to appear frum & intellectual

20. Learn Gemara and lain out loud along with the ba'al koreh because maybe he'll pronounce a komatz as a patach and that pseudo-Sefardi Modern-Orthodox sheigetz with the small black beanie who stands next to him reading from a Chumash won't catch it because he's busy talking about real estate throughout the laining.
21. Got to do that hat slanted ever so-slighty backwards thing for the full gangsta-frumma look.
22. Go "coast to coast" without showering or changing your clothes, sheets, or shaving, until you truly look like a caveman.
23. ***Do NOT do the following:*** Wear shirt with stripes. Bobby pins and especially those shiny metallic clips. Yalmulke with a rim that's bigger than your head. Tweed jacket with non-black hat.
24. Never say "Thank You"; instead say, "Shkoiyach...". Remember it's only one word.
25. Pssshhhhh.
26. Videotape your wedding even though nobody on either side of the family owns a television.
27. Go to bars dressed in your hats and jackets,drink, stare at teenage girls, and claim do be doing kiruv.
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 20 Nov 2015 05:17 #269136

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Cont...

42. Make sure to always look miserable, because G-d forbid, people might think that you are taking some form of pleasure in this world.
43. On Shabbos, Take off your jacket after Hamotzi and put it back on right before bentching.
44. Separate your trash between milchig and fleishig.


49. If someone's name is "Doniel" or "Gavriel", pronounce it "gavri-kel" or "doni-kel" in order that you shouldn't say G-d's name in vain
As in "Bas-ka got engaged to Eli-ko-ku"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 21 Nov 2015 21:46 #269189

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7yipol wrote:
Reminder: G-d is quite possibly female...







7yipol.. you are halfway correct. Hashem has both male and female attributes.

since the topic of women came up.

how many woman does it take change a lightbulb?
none, they just gossip in the dark.

hope you enjoyed that one.
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 21 Nov 2015 23:43 #269191

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A Chassidic Jew walks into a bank in Manhattan and asks for the loan officer. He explains that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $2,000.

The bank officer says, "We will need some kind of security for such a loan."

The Chassid hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked in front of the bank. The Bank does a registration check with NYDIV. Everything checks out. The Officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

While the Chassid is away the Bank realizes their client is a multimillionaire. So several weeks later when the Chassid returns, repays the $2,000 and the interest which comes to $5.41, the loan officer questions, "Why would you bother to borrow $2,000? You are very wealthy."

The Chassid replies, "Parking. Where can you park in midtown Manhattan for two weeks for only five dollars plus change?"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Cholent Pot :) 22 Nov 2015 02:01 #269209

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John Watson wrote:
4 students didn’t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and disheveled as they could with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the examiner and told him that they had gone out to a wedding the night before and on the way back the tyre of their car had burst and they had had to push it all the way back, so they were in no condition to sit the test.

The examiner was a just person so he said, "OK you can have a retest after 3 days." They promised they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the examiner again. He told them that it was to be a special condition test and all four were required to sit in separate rooms for the exam. They all agreed, as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 marks.

Here are the questions:-

Q1. Write down your name. (2 marks)

Q2. Which car tyre burst? (98 marks)




The first one is easy. The tire one is bad. BUSTED
I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. 

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Re: The Depressed Person's Cholent Pot :) 22 Nov 2015 03:43 #269227

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Sarah comes home from her date, rather sad. She tells her mother, "David wants to marry me."

Her mother says, "David's such a good boy. So why such a sad face on my bubeleh?

"Momme, David is an atheist. He doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother says, "Bubeleh, marry him! Between the two of us, we can make him a believer."
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Re: The Depressed Person's Cholent Pot :) 23 Nov 2015 03:08 #269353

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A New York Yid left the snowy city for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip in Atlanta and was planning to join him in Florida the next day. When Yaakov reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly Rebbitzin whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving Rebbitzin checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband

P.S.: Sure is hot down here
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Last Edit: 23 Nov 2015 03:09 by Markz.
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