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Lessons Learned
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This is a board for all the important threads that we don't want to get lost among the others :-)

TOPIC: Lessons Learned 11053 Views

Re: Lessons Learned 11 Sep 2019 12:55 #343507

  • Dave M
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 11 Sep 2019 05:24:
Watching the three 9's turning into 1000 is a humbling event. I daven to Hashem that He be gomel chessed with everyone here, as He was with me, and allow everyone to witness that number change and what it signifies. Iyh more to follow, but it is quite late for now...…...

Mazol Tov! Looking forward....

Re: Lessons Learned 11 Sep 2019 20:29 #343523

  • ColinColin
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1000 Days

That is a gargantuan achievement.

Mazeltov!

Keep taking it day by day.

Re: Lessons Learned 11 Sep 2019 21:00 #343524

  • one_day_at_a_time
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mazel tov!!!!!!!! 
what would gye be with out you!!!
​hashem should bencheh you to continue to inspire the chevra here and be mekadesh shem shamiom  

Re: Lessons Learned 11 Sep 2019 21:53 #343527

  • Hashem Help Me
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one_day_at_a_time wrote on 11 Sep 2019 21:00:
mazel tov!!!!!!!! 
what would gye be with out you!!!
​hashem should bencheh you to continue to inspire the chevra here and be mekadesh shem shamiom  

Whatever I have accomplished b'ezras Hashem is your doing Reb "One Day At A Time". 1,000 days ago you reached out to me and convinced me to be brave, put shame on the side, and call you. You held my hand and made yourself available to me day after day after day for a very very long time. You even agreed to meet me in person when I felt that it would be beneficial for me, something you had not done before. You are still available when a tough moment occurs, but more important you have become a real chaver. I and many others will be maker tova for life. May Hashem repay you b'kiflei kiflayim!!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Lessons Learned 11 Sep 2019 23:03 #343530

  • Hashem Help Me
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Although 1000 is a milestone, what is more important is understanding that there really is no difference between day 1 and day 1000 if the mind is healthy and kosher. Yes, a streak of x amount of days is mechazek someone that he can b'ezras Hashem be in control, as well as be a mechayev "I don't wish to ruin my streak". However of much greater importance is rewiring the brain.



I will try to share some points that were helpful for me, and hopefully will help others.



1.Sexuality is a koach Hashem put into this world. Lets examine a different force that Hashem endowed us with, electricity. Its power can be harnessed to light up hospitals and yeshivas, pump life giving water, among myriads other tikun olam accomplishments. Unfortunately it can be used in a destructive, even murderous fashion as well. When such an unfortunate occurrence takes place, it means one has corrupted a gift/brocho given to Man to better the world, and has used it against the Benefactor who so graciously gifted it to us. Similarly, sexuality, an incredible force, was given to Man to resemble Hashem and procreate. And in reality when a couple is involved in bringing children to this world, chazal tell us that Hashem is in some way part of the goings on, as a 3rd partner in the development of the fetus. The actual act itself is the pinnacle of intimacy between a husband and wife, if they are living a truly intimate life outside of the bedroom consisting of loyalty, care, concern, support, love, patience, respect, and selfless giving. We refer to such an act as menucha, for when appropriately together, we are returning to the original male/female joined matzav of Adam HaRishon before Chava was separated from him. The human nefesh (of all mankind, regardless of geographic location, culture, or religion) yearns for this state of intimacy and calming satisfaction. This is using the koach of sexuality for true tikun olam -giving, uniting, procreating, all in a G-dly manner causing a nafshiyus'dig uplifting pleasure of serenity, satisfaction, true calm, and yes - holiness. Our Western "sex is evil" poisoned minds must be rewired to understand that our forefathers and the tzaddikim of all generations engaged in sex as avodas Hashem with both components of bein adam l'chaveiro (spouse), and bein adam l'makom. When one unfortunately views pornography he is being trained to corrupt that incredible force and use it selfishly to use and abuse others. The "stars" on the screen have to "protect" themselves from becoming pregnant, so having children is simply out the window.  Intimacy, love, loyalty, and care are totally non existent. Its all about my pleasure. Menucha?! Erotic is the goal. Holy? Uplifting? Better sex means more and more animalistic and objectifying. That great brocho Hashem granted to Man is perverted beyond recognition. Of course one who has received his education in the online college of sex cannot fathom how tzaddikim have children. The ironic twist to this is that the pleasure of pornographic sex as compared to the real thing is as negligible as the beauty when comparing a cheap neon light to an awe inspiring magnificent sunset.     To be continued...…..
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Lessons Learned 12 Sep 2019 01:55 #343531

  • Hashem Help Me
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1 (continued). We established that pornography is absolute poison and chas v'shalom will cause major issues in marriage. Not only the obvious danger of the wife finding out that her supposedly frum husband is watching filth and that she is obviously "not enough for him", but even if never caught, the damage is horrendous. As nice as he may be to his wife, there is a most powerful underlying programmed message that his wife is his object, his toy, his "kosher masturbating tool". It is tragic to think that one can be married for decades, and without even realizing it, selfishly use and abuse his wife. Once one has come to the realization that this is the reality, his heart and mind should be ready to undertake to never watch pornography again.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Lessons Learned 12 Sep 2019 14:12 #343539

  • gyehelp2017
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 12 Sep 2019 01:55:
Sexuality is a koach Hashem put into this world. Lets examine a different force that Hashem endowed us with, electricity. Its power can be harnessed to light up hospitals and yeshivas, pump life giving water, among myriads other tikun olam accomplishments. Unfortunately it can be used in a destructive, even murderous fashion as well. When such an unfortunate occurrence takes place, it means one has corrupted a gift/brocho given to Man to better the world, and has used it against the Benefactor who so graciously gifted it to us. Similarly, sexuality, an incredible force, was given to Man to resemble Hashem and procreate. And in reality when a couple is involved in bringing children to this world, chazal tell us that Hashem is in some way part of the goings on, as a 3rd partner in the development of the fetus. The actual act itself is the pinnacle of intimacy between a husband and wife, if they are living a truly intimate life outside of the bedroom consisting of loyalty, care, concern, support, love, patience, respect, and selfless giving. We refer to such an act as menucha, for when appropriately together, we are returning to the original male/female joined matzav of Adam HaRishon before Chava was separated from him. The human nefesh (of all mankind, regardless of geographic location, culture, or religion) yearns for this state of intimacy and calming satisfaction. This is using the koach of sexuality for true tikun olam -giving, uniting, procreating, all in a G-dly manner causing a nafshiyus'dig uplifting pleasure of serenity, satisfaction, true calm, and yes - holiness. Our Western "sex is evil" poisoned minds must be rewired to understand that our forefathers and the tzaddikim of all generations engaged in sex as avodas Hashem with both components of bein adam l'chaveiro (spouse), and bein adam l'makom. When one unfortunately views pornography he is being trained to corrupt that incredible force and use it selfishly to use and abuse others. The "stars" on the screen have to "protect" themselves from becoming pregnant, so having children is simply out the window.  Intimacy, love, loyalty, and care are totally non existent. Its all about my pleasure. Menucha?! Erotic is the goal. Holy? Uplifting? Better sex means more and more animalistic and objectifying. That great brocho Hashem granted to Man is perverted beyond recognition. Of course one who has received his education in the online college of sex cannot fathom how tzaddikim have children. The ironic twist to this is that the pleasure of pornographic sex as compared to the real thing is as negligible as the beauty when comparing a cheap neon light to an awe inspiring magnificent sunset.

We established that pornography is absolute poison and chas v'shalom will cause major issues in marriage. Not only the obvious danger of the wife finding out that her supposedly frum husband is watching filth and that she is obviously "not enough for him", but even if never caught, the damage is horrendous. As nice as he may be to his wife, there is a most powerful underlying programmed message that his wife is his object, his toy, his "kosher masturbating tool". It is tragic to think that one can be married for decades, and without even realizing it, selfishly use and abuse his wife. Once one has come to the realization that this is the reality, his heart and mind should be ready to undertake to never watch pornography again.

HHM, your post should be (theatrically speaking) hanging in all the streets of town (instead of all those horrible adds..............). You pointed out so well what sexuality is in it's essence, and how we corrupt our minds with all the porn etc. stuff out there.
As usual, here too you so beautifully brought these points to light. Thank you so much for your clarification, and congrats on reaching 1000 days clean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Lessons Learned 22 Sep 2019 04:27 #343690

  • Hashem Help Me
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2. Now that we have established that step one is to clearly understand and firmly decide no more pornography, what is step 2?  At this point one must think good and hard if he is doing all that is necessary to protect himself. As a point of view, let's look back 100 years to the nisayon at the turn of the century here in the USA. Shmiras Shabbos came with a price tag of probably losing one's job and not having food to eat. We are not in the position to judge, but from our vantage point in history we can see major statistical differences in the offspring of those who stood up to the challenge (proudly), and those who unfortunately did not. The challenge was awesome. Medicaid and welfare did not exist. People were thrown onto the streets if the rent was not paid. Keeping Shabbos was very costly.   In our generation, Hashem is not asking us to starve or live on the street. He is however asking us to inconvenience ourselves to stay pure with Shmiras Einayim V'haBris. Filters may slow our computers. Not everything we need at the moment will be accessible. Is that such a big deal? And let's say it does affect our business a bit? Are we not mechuyav to do what it takes to stay ehrlich?! Do we really care? Did we at least ask a shaila? If one wants to be honest with himself he will find that many successful people in the working world have made the move to communicate exclusively with a kosher phone. They keep a tablet or heavily filtered smartphone in a designated place such as their car or office for work related issues only. They greatly minimized using the web for entertainment, relaxation and killing time. They understand the clarion call of all Gedolei Yisroel that the heter for internet use is for absolute NECESSITY. Of course some businesses demand from their employees to carry a smartphone with them at all times. Ok, but what gedarim have been put in place? Can you install webchaver and make your wife (or someone else that you really will be answerable to) the accountability partner? Can you be mekabel to pay a knas if you use that device for any unplanned relaxation/entertainment purposes? This technique has worked for many who have no other choice.  In summary, if we have decided that we really want to stop viewing inappropriate images, have we HONESTLY done all that is possible to be safe? If not, the time is now.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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