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Recent posts that really resonate
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TOPIC: Recent posts that really resonate 1893 Views

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 31 Jan 2021 06:47 #362320

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 31 Jan 2021 05:57:
It’s amazing, how the taiva fantasizes about the hanaa of the zera coming out. But what’s so amazing is that ik the moment it comes out, the “ever” becomes just a wet piece of meat and it was all an illusion
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
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Re: Recent posts that really resonate 31 Jan 2021 15:16 #362338

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Hi Guys, 
I have been chatting with lots of Chevra lately, and many people tell me that they are married and they still can't stop.
Also with Reb Grants story that a wife caught her husband and did not want to be married to him, at least that is where we are holding in the story.
I read a post from one of the women and the GYE put her on the stories.
This story is devastating.

Please read it. Please reconsider what you are seeing.
guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/as-a-wife-i-beg-you-get-help?category_id=10

Porn ruined my ex-husband. Porn ruined me. I was married for 6.5 years. My husband was already addicted to porn before we got married. Ever since I got married, I realized something was completely off. My husband constantly criticized me and put me down. I was not pretty enough, sexy enough, and attractive enough. He never liked any of my clothes. Sex felt awkward, took place seldom and far between and often I felt like I was being punished.

It was hard for him to have an erection. I was young and naive. I knew our relationship is off but I could not put my finger on what exactly was so wrong. Mikvah nights meant nothing to my husband; he would not be interested, excited, and often we would not have intimacy after I went to the mikvah. The criticisms became more and more frequent. He would talk about breast implants and hormonal growth shots. I can't describe the amount of verbal abuse he put me through; he made me feel like I am the ugliest person in the world, worthless, and incompetent in every area of life. And when I told him that we need to talk to a Ruv about our situation, he refused. Yet, he found it in himself to confess that he's been watching porn and is constantly masturbating.

He told me he was going to stop watching porn and would like to make this marriage work. He agreed to go for help. For 6 years, while he was getting help, he never stopped watching porn nor did he ever stop putting me down and abusing me verbally and emotionally. It's indescribable all that he did to me. He was as if in a coma, completely self-absorbed, selfish, and emotionally distant. I was so alone all these years.

I was his perfect maid. I was the kind of wife that treated him like a king: took care of all his needs, cooked his favorite foods, did his laundry to perfection, bought him gifts and pushed him to help himself and was very supportive and tried helping him to let go of his lust addiction and all that mattered to him is that I did not measure up to his FANTASY WORLD OF PORN.

We had a boy together, but he was not a father to this child. He had no relationship with him at all. He had a relationship with PORN, not with people. Needless to say, he was not a Yid when we lived together. He had worked with many therapists over all these years. Nothing helped. I would continually find him watching porn. He grew more distant and sunk so low in Yiddishkeit. He never went to shul and stopped going on Shabbos, too. After living like this for over 6 years, I came to realize I can't put up with it any longer, and our marriage collapsed.

The separation shook my ex-husband strongly. He gave up his I-phone then and began working the 12-step program and going to a sex therapist. He also started going to shul. He cried a lot over the damage he had caused and acknowledged that he had sinned so much and treated me badly due to his addiction.

I am writing to you guys: don't wait up until it's too late, up until the damage is irreversible. You have the power to change if you want to. My ex-husband had to hit rock bottom to help himself. Do you really want to be split up from your loved ones? Do you want to go through separation and divorce to start developing real relationships with people and your own flesh and blood?

Get help right now and right here! You need to go for help, but you need to be determined to help yourself! I am writing to you because I care. I care for you, your wife, and your children. And I don't want anyone to experience the pain the way I did.

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 31 Jan 2021 22:02 #362405

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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 31 Jan 2021 20:35:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 31 Jan 2021 19:52:
Rabboisai, I would like to masterbate, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.
But lmaaseh I want to.
But still, not a good idea.
Repeat 1000*

 I love this simplistic, yet profound post. Has an undertone of deep yearning and resolve, albeit with a sprinkling of normalcy and humanity. Brings tears to my eyes, as I believe that it captures the essence of our community - like no other post that I have ever seen...
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 01 Feb 2021 06:24 #362445

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GrowStrong wrote on 28 Mar 2017 15:50:
Note(s) to self:
1: She loves me.
2: She also wants it to work.
3: I can't fix everything today.
4: I need to focus on being honest.
5: Being honest with myself and with her will build trust.
6: Trust will breed intimacy on her terms.
7: Intimacy isn't sex.
8: Sex is optional.
9: Trust and honesty are not optional.
10: Time heals if it's well spent.
11: She wants my focus and attention.
12: She wants me to be there, in the room, wholly present, totally focused.
13: Manipulation is toxic.
14: So is resentment.
15: Today is Now.
16: Serenity is surrendering.
17: Surrendering means not fighting. 
18: Do the right thing and let Hashem do the rest.
19: I like Dunkin' but I hate Dunkin' Donuts.
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 01 Feb 2021 06:55 #362451

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eyes wrote on 31 Jan 2021 15:16:
Hi Guys, 
I have been chatting with lots of Chevra lately, and many people tell me that they are married and they still can't stop.
Also with Reb Grants story that a wife caught her husband and did not want to be married to him, at least that is where we are holding in the story.
I read a post from one of the women and the GYE put her on the stories.
This story is devastating.

Please read it. Please reconsider what you are seeing.
guardyoureyes.com/articles/stories/item/as-a-wife-i-beg-you-get-help?category_id=10

Porn ruined my ex-husband. Porn ruined me. I was married for 6.5 years. My husband was already addicted to porn before we got married. Ever since I got married, I realized something was completely off. My husband constantly criticized me and put me down. I was not pretty enough, sexy enough, and attractive enough. He never liked any of my clothes. Sex felt awkward, took place seldom and far between and often I felt like I was being punished.

It was hard for him to have an erection. I was young and naive. I knew our relationship is off but I could not put my finger on what exactly was so wrong. Mikvah nights meant nothing to my husband; he would not be interested, excited, and often we would not have intimacy after I went to the mikvah. The criticisms became more and more frequent. He would talk about breast implants and hormonal growth shots. I can't describe the amount of verbal abuse he put me through; he made me feel like I am the ugliest person in the world, worthless, and incompetent in every area of life. And when I told him that we need to talk to a Ruv about our situation, he refused. Yet, he found it in himself to confess that he's been watching porn and is constantly masturbating.

He told me he was going to stop watching porn and would like to make this marriage work. He agreed to go for help. For 6 years, while he was getting help, he never stopped watching porn nor did he ever stop putting me down and abusing me verbally and emotionally. It's indescribable all that he did to me. He was as if in a coma, completely self-absorbed, selfish, and emotionally distant. I was so alone all these years.

I was his perfect maid. I was the kind of wife that treated him like a king: took care of all his needs, cooked his favorite foods, did his laundry to perfection, bought him gifts and pushed him to help himself and was very supportive and tried helping him to let go of his lust addiction and all that mattered to him is that I did not measure up to his FANTASY WORLD OF PORN.

We had a boy together, but he was not a father to this child. He had no relationship with him at all. He had a relationship with PORN, not with people. Needless to say, he was not a Yid when we lived together. He had worked with many therapists over all these years. Nothing helped. I would continually find him watching porn. He grew more distant and sunk so low in Yiddishkeit. He never went to shul and stopped going on Shabbos, too. After living like this for over 6 years, I came to realize I can't put up with it any longer, and our marriage collapsed.

The separation shook my ex-husband strongly. He gave up his I-phone then and began working the 12-step program and going to a sex therapist. He also started going to shul. He cried a lot over the damage he had caused and acknowledged that he had sinned so much and treated me badly due to his addiction.

I am writing to you guys: don't wait up until it's too late, up until the damage is irreversible. You have the power to change if you want to. My ex-husband had to hit rock bottom to help himself. Do you really want to be split up from your loved ones? Do you want to go through separation and divorce to start developing real relationships with people and your own flesh and blood?

Get help right now and right here! You need to go for help, but you need to be determined to help yourself! I am writing to you because I care. I care for you, your wife, and your children. And I don't want anyone to experience the pain the way I did.


I know I may get eaten alive for this one but I think that the last sentence should be rewritten as: Girls, get the help you need to deal with the fact that you married an animal. There is no reason why anyone should have to put up with this for six and a half years and as you see, your husbands hitting rock bottom is in your hands. You never had a marriage to start with that we can even talk about saving so for G-d's sake why the heck did it take so long? After six months you should have told your husband I'm moving out until things really change, maybe he would have gone to 12 steps way back then and you would still be married now. Stick up for yourself!

You told your husband that he needs to see a rav? He said no? did you then go on your own? Did you seek guidance for what you were going through, or did you just become a helpless victim sitting by idly while you are getting eaten alive. It may be his fault, but it's still your problem.

I know the guy needs help but my heart is crying for this poor woman who doesn't realize that she may have played a major part. I don't mean that this is her fault but if you do find yourself in such a situation, please, don't let yourself get eaten alive.
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 02 Feb 2021 07:09 #362535

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#makelifegreatagain wrote on 01 Feb 2021 21:19:
We all know that our heads are on top, our hearts are further down, and the part we sin with is lower than that. I believe that if we win the battle in our heads it will stop the urge from going down to our hearts which will stop it from going lower than that (AKA sinning). Just remember: Head, Heart, "sinning part." The higher up your body the fight  is the better it is for you.
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 05 Feb 2021 07:00 #362791

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 03 Feb 2021 12:43:
From your posts it sounds like you are desperately thirsting for a relationship. As painful as this sounds, realize that you can't fill that need with a pretend "make believe" relationship. The days of fantasy friends filling the assumed hole in your heart ended by 3rd grade age the latest. If you recognize yourself as having missed out on healthy relationships as a child, it may be worthwhile to read the book "Running on Empty" written by a gentle psychologist about people that grew up without appropriate nurturing. (I am sure there are many such books by other authors too). Many well meaning yiddishe parents, due to our community's perfectionist tendencies, without realizing it, steer their kids in this direction. 



Staring into the eyes of some girl's picture will never give you real warmth, love, intimacy, support, or any other real emotion you are desperate to experience. Iyh when you get married, you will invest energy in developing a healthy (not needy - and that's a subject for another post) relationship with a spouse. You will iyh find that a real hug fills an emotional thirst, not a sexual one. Fantasizing, and using your penis as a pacifier (sorry for the blunt language - but you have to face the facts) will never fill that need. Thousands of hours of watching the most intense pornography with continuous acting out (rach"l!!) will never satisfy this need in the slightest. It is like trying to fill up a deep pit with cotton candy. There is an illusion that the pit is full - until one jumps in and breaks all his bones.



Until you get married invest in wholesome and healthy (again not needy!) relationships with parents siblings and friends to the best of your ability. Give and give and give to them what you determine they need and they will iyh reciprocate. There should be absolutely no sexual undertones in these relationships. (Not like me - when I went through a tough time, I had erections every time a rebbi would give me a hug - man, what I went through with none of this GYE help....)



Yitzchok Avinu had a nechama for the loss of his mother when he got married. The Torah is showing us that certain relationships are not able to be replicated. There is no replacement for a certain kind of warmth. But he still remained Yitzchok Avinu during that interim time.



You will iyh get what you are looking for in the right time. Meanwhile stay the inspirational Yeshiva Guy that we all find so inspiring. L'maan Hashem, stop trying to feed your hungry soul with fake, cotton candy like, images and fantasies. And iyh if we ever meet I will give you a (healthy) hug.
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 18 Feb 2021 10:23 #363664

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From a GYE article (I posted the link in a thread called doctors orders in the beis hamidrash section) 

As former world heavyweight champion boxer David Haye said on the topic of sperm retention:

Find a lion that hasn’t had some food for a while, and you’ve got one dangerous cat. I don’t ejaculate for six weeks before the fight. No sex, no masturbation, no nothing. It releases too much tension. It releases a lot of minerals and nutrients that your body needs, and it releases them cheaply. Releasing weakens the knees and your legs. Find a lion that hasn’t had some food for a while, and you’ve got a dangerous cat. So there won’t bet a drip from me. Even in my sleep — if there are girls all over me in my dream, I say to them, ‘I’ve got a fight next week, I can’t do anything. I can’t do it.’ That’s control. I’ve been doing that since I was fifteen and its part and parcel of my preparation now. That’s why I am who I am today — it’s down to all those little sacrifices. Find me another boxer who makes that sacrifice, and you’ll find another champion.


As we see, if your life depends on it, it's just not an option. 

The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 24 Feb 2021 21:47 #364191

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jack wrote on 22 Nov 2011 21:26:
....
​around day 60 of my recovery,i had a feeling that i was 'dying'.mamash dying.at that point, r' guard wrote to me the following: jack i've got good news for you - what you're feeling is the death of the yetzer hara'.i didn't fully realize the import of those words until this week, more than 3 years later. so what, i learn slow!
jack


(thanks yg) 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 09 Mar 2021 06:54 #365074

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 08 Mar 2021 20:56:

I am beginning to think that this thing (don't know what else to call it) is here for the long haul. I may be jumping the gun but it seems that I am going to be here a while. No magic pills or button to press, just some hard work and planning for the rest of my life. Kinda like with most areas of life I guess, when you stop working on them, they just become issues again.

So, I just wanted to share something that I thought about. I used to think I wanted girls for connection, to love and be loved blah blah blah. Now I have a wonderful wife and a beautiful family and when things are good I wouldn't dream of it any other way but when things are downhill, I wish I was with every other woman.

Ain't that strange?

Well, can't be the connection thing can it?

So here is what I came up with (no chidushim just chazara) it starts with the yearning for connection, but the lusting ain't to fill the connection, rather to numb the pain of not filling it with real connections (or some other void). The lusting is always just numbing something up. I learned that when I start lusting, it's time to figure out how to fill that hole with something right.

The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 07 Apr 2021 16:46 #366477

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 06 Apr 2021 06:05:
So here is my thought. We all go through ups and downs, we all have good days and bad ones, we have to be careful not to screw everything up on the bad days just because we are going through something rough. Yes, there are times when we walk on the edge of the cliff but as long as we haven't jumped, we can still find a safer place and go there. I can't let myself be fooled that since I walked along the edge for a few moments that it's a good idea to jump. It may not be safe but I am not perpetually ruined for doing it.

Bad days are for not messing things up beyond repair, not to be perfect.

So my point is, you've been here a while, you've seen lots of success, your thread is a chizzuk to everyone and is recommended as the top "shalom bayis" thread. May I humbly suggest that on hard days, you learn to focus on who you've become, instead of who you still are. Yes there are parts of your past that you wished you can leave there. Instead of focusing on the struggles that you are still going through, focus on the new person that you've become.

I see you getting down on yourself for struggling here and struggling there. Here is what I think, No one is perfect, just be honest with yourself, are you better than you were last year or five years ago? 

Don't ask if your bad days are as good as your good days. Ask yourself if your bad days now better than bad days in the past? 

Don't expect yourself to always be perfect, rather that there should be more good days between the bad ones and bad days, when they come, should pass quicker than before.

The Y"H tries to get me to focus on all the bad that I still do, but I know for certain that he ain't happy with the progress I am making. I still slip, but they happen less often and last for shorter amounts of time. Helps me remember sometimes how far I've actually come.

Just food for thought.

I hope this doesn't sound like a broken record.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: Recent posts that really resonate 07 Apr 2021 16:53 #366478

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Lou wrote on 06 Apr 2021 21:33:
Bchessd Hashem, a boring post to say all is going well. I still have a heartbeat so still faced with nisyonos occasionally,but overall living the good life!
Thank you Hashem and all of you here at GYE!
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number
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