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What DOESN'T work for me.
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If you've made progress - thank G-d, double your merit by inspiring others as well! Post the tips and advice that worked best for you in your journey to sobriety or tell us about recommendations you heard from others that work.
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TOPIC: What DOESN'T work for me. 454 Views

What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 02:45 #346610

  • Hakolhevel
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Just as it's important to know what works for you. It's also important to know what doesn't. So here is my share of something incredibly powerful, but it wouldn't actually keep me clean.

Imagine you die, and at your funeral they say. "Hakol hevel lived a wonderful life, and his favorite and most cherished thing in life was when he could escape to the bathroom and watch porn, so let's all watch his favorite porn scene in his honor"

While it's a vivid description of a legacy I DON'T want to leave behind. And I have thought this thought before, it wont stop me when I am lusting.

Be a student of you find out what works for YOU. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean the exact method will work for you. And don't be discouraged it didn't work for you. You just may need to tweak it for your personality.
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection
Last Edit: 10 Jan 2020 02:45 by Hakolhevel.

Re: What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 13:12 #346621

  • Dave M
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Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Jan 2020 02:45:
Just as it's important to know what works for you. It's also important to know what doesn't. So here is my share of something incredibly powerful, but it wouldn't actually keep me clean.

Imagine you die, and at your funeral they say. "Hakol hevel lived a wonderful life, and his favorite and most cherished thing in life was when he could escape to the bathroom and watch porn, so let's all watch his favorite porn scene in his honor"

While it's a vivid description of a legacy I DON'T want to leave behind. And I have thought this thought before, it wont stop me when I am lusting.

Be a student of you find out what works for YOU. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean the exact method will work for you. And don't be discouraged it didn't work for you. You just may need to tweak it for your personality.

It's a good point you bring up.  Chazal says, when someone is overcome with desire, as a last resort he should think of the day he dies.  Now, honestly speaking, how many of us here can say that works?  I once had a Rebbe say that now days none of us really believes in hell.  The motivation to staying clean should be to have a closer relationship to Hashem.  Ultimately, that is what will make us happier in life.  Even though, we may feel that it's not achievable, it's something all of us can relate to and strive for.  Everyone on GYE is here for a reason.  Which is, our sickness has gotten to a point, where it was affecting our happiness and our day to day functionality.  

Keep your posts coming Hakolhevel.  I really enjoy them and have gained  a lot for them.  
Last Edit: 10 Jan 2020 13:14 by Dave M.

Re: What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 13:37 #346623

  • cordnoy
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Dave M wrote on 10 Jan 2020 13:12:

Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Jan 2020 02:45:
Just as it's important to know what works for you. It's also important to know what doesn't. So here is my share of something incredibly powerful, but it wouldn't actually keep me clean.

Imagine you die, and at your funeral they say. "Hakol hevel lived a wonderful life, and his favorite and most cherished thing in life was when he could escape to the bathroom and watch porn, so let's all watch his favorite porn scene in his honor"

While it's a vivid description of a legacy I DON'T want to leave behind. And I have thought this thought before, it wont stop me when I am lusting.

Be a student of you find out what works for YOU. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean the exact method will work for you. And don't be discouraged it didn't work for you. You just may need to tweak it for your personality.

It's a good point you bring up.  Chazal says, when someone is overcome with desire, as a last resort he should think of the day he dies.  Now, honestly speaking, how many of us here can say that works?  I once had a Rebbe say that now days none of us really believes in hell.  The motivation to staying clean should be to have a closer relationship to Hashem.  Ultimately, that is what will make us happier in life.  Even though, we may feel that it's not achievable, it's something all of us can relate to and strive for.  Everyone on GYE is here for a reason.  Which is, our sickness has gotten to a point, where it was affecting our happiness and our day to day functionality.  

Keep your posts coming Hakolhevel.  I really enjoy them and have gained  a lot for them.  

That's a good motivation, if it works. There are many motivators. Mine is the ability to live, period. Lust interferes with that on all counts.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 14:09 #346624

  • DavidT
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Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Jan 2020 02:45:
Just as it's important to know what works for you. It's also important to know what doesn't. So here is my share of something incredibly powerful, but it wouldn't actually keep me clean.

Imagine you die, and at your funeral they say. "Hakol hevel lived a wonderful life, and his favorite and most cherished thing in life was when he could escape to the bathroom and watch porn, so let's all watch his favorite porn scene in his honor"

While it's a vivid description of a legacy I DON'T want to leave behind. And I have thought this thought before, it wont stop me when I am lusting.

Be a student of you find out what works for YOU. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean the exact method will work for you. And don't be discouraged it didn't work for you. You just may need to tweak it for your personality.

The issue with this idea is that's it's only imagination. In order to defeat lust we need to do real ACTIONS  mind work alone won't cut it (for most people). 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 15:48 #346631

  • Hakolhevel
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DavidT wrote on 10 Jan 2020 14:09:

Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Jan 2020 02:45:
Just as it's important to know what works for you. It's also important to know what doesn't. So here is my share of something incredibly powerful, but it wouldn't actually keep me clean.

Imagine you die, and at your funeral they say. "Hakol hevel lived a wonderful life, and his favorite and most cherished thing in life was when he could escape to the bathroom and watch porn, so let's all watch his favorite porn scene in his honor"

While it's a vivid description of a legacy I DON'T want to leave behind. And I have thought this thought before, it wont stop me when I am lusting.

Be a student of you find out what works for YOU. Just because it works for someone else, doesn't mean the exact method will work for you. And don't be discouraged it didn't work for you. You just may need to tweak it for your personality.

The issue with this idea is that's it's only imagination. In order to defeat lust we need to do real ACTIONS  mind work alone won't cut it (for most people). 

Thanks everyone for replying.

If I may. What it sounds like is that in order to be clean 2 important ingredients are necessary.

1. A good motivation
2. Actionable steps that one will take to remain clean

Does that sound right?
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: What DOESN'T work for me. 10 Jan 2020 16:10 #346632

  • DavidT
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Hakolhevel wrote on 10 Jan 2020 15:48:



If I may. What it sounds like is that in order to be clean 2 important ingredients are necessary.

1. A good motivation
2. Actionable steps that one will take to remain clean

Does that sound right?

Sounds very right.
A plan involving gradual change often is the best way to attain self-control. If a person just “does not feel it,” it will be hard for him to change his life. Though he knows he should stop sinning, he might not have the strength to sustain such a big change. But because deep down he wants to be good and do what’s right, he can set up a plan to change his behavior step by step until he achieves his goals.

We need a thorough game plan that we can start to implement when we’re not under the influence of desire. This strategy must deal with the many aspects of the battle against desire and must cover as many of the yetzer hara’s tricks as possible. It must build us up until we are strong enough to overcome intense challenges, and it must include techniques that help us win our battles.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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