Guard Your Eyes - Forum Kunena Site Syndication Tue, 21 May 2019 05:02:21 +0000 Kunena 1.6 Guard Your Eyes - Forum en-gb Subject: Just to introduce myself and ask some advice - by: Im Tevakshena Kakasef
I'm currently in Yeshiva. First year, started last Elul. I really enjoy learning, and all I could think about was how great Bein Hazamanim would be, where I could learn my own choice of topics all day long...

I started falling to the Yetzer a short time after my Bar Mitzvah, when one of my presents was a tablet. I was just curious until things got progressively worse. Eventually I was reading erotica, watching porn, and masturbating.

After Elul and half of winter Zman in Yeshiva (with a non internet phone) I really thought i had beaten this Yetzer. I was almost disgusted by the thought of seeing inappropriate things. However a couple of moths before the end of Winter Zman, the yetzer started talking to me again. I pushed him out each time and remained TOTALLY pure. I mean for 7 months I hardly saw a woman etc. I was loving being free.

I don't know how, but about a week ago I fell, and its been downhill ever since. I had kaspersky filter, but I figured out how to use safe mode to get around it. I tried to tell my Dad i dont want the laptop anymore, but he said fine, just give it to your Mum. But as long as all these devices are in the house, i really struggle.

The ironic thing is, I don't even enjoy it. I really dislike watching these things, i even cover up the screen with my hand! but I'm still clicking away at those links, and being mevatel so much torah...
I could really do with some advice. (Also a bit of Chizuk wouldn't hurt)
Again, If this is the wrong place to post, let me know..

Thanks for hearing me out. ]]>
Introduce Yourself Tue, 16 Apr 2019 16:26:33 +0000
Subject: Lusts impact on marriage/shalom bayis - by: Newbie
first time joining this website. I’m married for quite a few years and been struggling on and off with lust, inappropriate reading/images and on and off porn. 

I feel that it would be a tremendous chizuk for me to hear how improving in this area can help improve my relationship with my wife as currently we aren’t that close and we are really lacking emotional closeness to each other. 

So so if someone can share an article on this topic that would be awesome! 
Also I’d love to hear personal examples on how ppl saw improvements in their own marriages. ]]>
Introduce Yourself Thu, 11 Apr 2019 22:52:32 +0000
Subject: hey ya'll (this truly feels odd) - by: qwerty123456 IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: you may read stuff here which you dont agree to. thats fine, and you can argue about them all youd like. you may read about things  people have done which you dont agree to, also fine, and feel free to write your view. but im asking, please, anyone who feels theyll have to speak about the actual people, PLEASE dont read this post...,

so, since this is supposed to be therapeutic and all, i figure i may as well give it a try.

ive often contemplated writing a journal but im far to lazy. so if i couldnt pull that off, it makes perfect sense to try again here where every tom dick and harry (no offense:)) can read it to their hearts content lol

im thinking ill break it up a bit so i dont get carpal tunnel

let me go way back, dredge up all i can (relevant to this struggle or not will be up to your personal hashora) and just spill it out here.

my father has extreme difficulty expressing himself. in fact, extreme may be too soft of a word, incapable, would be more accurate. he was often enraged (the slightest thing would set him off), and when he was enraged, that was in all caps. run for the hills. but when he was in a good mood, he rocked (you could count on him for a great time)
i never got along with my mother. anyones guess why. 

one of my ealiest memories is (sorry if this is gross) me being sweaty down there and having to keep separating... well, you know... my father kept telling me to stop touching and i kept forgetting (i must have been around 5-6) the next thing i remember is him pushing me, struggling and screaming, out our front door. without my underwear. (thats how my 6 year old brain remembers it. my 20 year old brain says i MUSTVE been in underwear.) after that, he had me sit by our table again without my underwear (or, for my 20 year old brain, without pants) for i dont remember how long. i can still turn colors when i think of that story.

i cant remember a time when i didnt touch myself. im talking about, i dont know, 5-6, laying in bed at night and touching myself. not masturbating, just touching. when i was around 9, my dad had one of his blowups and sent me to my room. i remember feeling EXTREMELY angry. so, to get my father, i laid down on my floor completely undressed and proceeded to touch myself with a vengeance (puts a whole new spin on "revenge porn"). i was convinced i had my fortune made when the most miraculous thing happened. i thought id be able to sell this information to people, teach them how to do this! a persons body has this built in capability to make them feel INCREDIBLE, and I figured it out! i couldnt stop. i had anxiety to travel for more than 5 hours because, when would i do it.

slowly slowly slowly, i began to feel that maybe this is something i shouldnt be doing actually, and that im the only one that has to figure this out... as time passed i began to feel, and than know, more and more that this is wrong. the guilt and shame began creeping in and id never felt so alone in a fight (i was sure) no one else has

thanks for listening! we'll see if i have the cojones to continue my little project

(like i said, oddest feeling ever to bare myself like this, when ive never even bared myself to myself)

p.s. being that im the paranoid sort, anyone who feels theyve cracked my identity should please have the decency to not mention it to me (as much as it goes without saying)]]>
Introduce Yourself Thu, 11 Apr 2019 05:03:45 +0000
Subject: utilizing gye - by: qwerty123456 im new here, and to chatting and blogging in general.
im wondering, is there a use for chatting/blogging when all is well, or is the main use for reaching out in desperation. whether when walking the edge or after falling?]]>
Introduce Yourself Wed, 10 Apr 2019 02:11:11 +0000
Subject: Ba'al tshuva - by: Larry I am actually not new to GYE, but I haven't been on the site in @ a year and a half... and not consistently here for longer than that.  But, b"H, today I'm returning... guess that makes me a ba'al tshuva .

Unfortunately, I'm still using my "drug" to escape negative emotions.  So I that's why I'm back here... not sure why I even left, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, just thought I'd post greetings.  Hope everyone has a great day.]]>
Introduce Yourself Wed, 03 Apr 2019 16:10:44 +0000