Guard Your Eyes - Forum Kunena Site Syndication Fri, 25 Sep 2020 00:39:49 +0000 Kunena 1.6 Guard Your Eyes - Forum en-gb Subject: Doing Tshuva - by: chancy Ive been having this question in my mind for a while now, and then i thought why not ask my brother in arms at GYE? So here goes nothing. 

We all know we have to do tshuva in these times, we ask for forgiveness nonstop for the next 2-3 weeks. We beg and beseech hashem to forgive our terrible sins. The basic idea is that we will be judged soon and therefore we want to clean our slate and promise to become better. OK.

My issue is, Ive been struggling like all of you with all of these issues for years and years. And of course, every year this was what i mainly repented for, this was the most severe sin i did. I keep on promising myself that 1 year i will be clean and this will not be what i have to repent for, felling that it makes me a liar since i keep on promising the same thing. 
Now, this year has been my most successful thing in these areas so far.  I gave it all ive got and i found the way to beat this, hopefully for good,. Of course, i fell a few times, but i dont see how i could've done better. I really really really gave it everything. 
The pain of not looking at every women on the street is excruciating for me. Sometime it mamesh hurts. But i fight the urge and move on.  What im trying to say is that ive never gotten this far and it is a real win for me to be where i am. 
So my problem is that i cant seem to feel so sorry this year for my sins, even thought i know that in the end i always had a choice and i did fail a few times, but i feel like saying ' Hashem, as you and only you know, this year i really improved in a lot of areas and made tremendous progress on a lot of different areas, so you see im serious and im here to stay, i know that i could've done better, i just dont know how, and even if i fell i always asked for you help to not fall, ive struggled with my mental health and i begged you to heal me but i didnt get better, those issues are making it harder for me to succeed so it was even harder for me to do, but i did it anyways because im afraid of you and because i wanted to feel better about myself, now i dont know what i can do better next year or how to keep growing' 

I hope anyone here understand what im trying to express. 

Thanks  ]]>
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