Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

my story, any chizuk appreciated
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: my story, any chizuk appreciated 5075 Views

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 05:53 #48223

  • Ineedhelp!!
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1058
  • Karma: 2
silentbattle wrote on 25 Jan 2010 05:37:

Not sure if that thread helps everyone, and I think that Reb Aryeh may be talking about regular women that he sees in the street...
aryehtahor wrote on 24 Jan 2010 22:21:


After all, even the women on the internet who make a living from feeding men's lust are real people who are probably deeply unhappy and disturbed. In reality, they need help even more than we do, because they have already lost all self-respect.


Not with that line, SB 

-Yiddle
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 11:46 #48250

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
You are absolutely correct.
Check out the thread, and see if it helps.
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 12:28 #48267

  • aryehtahor
  • Current streak: 50 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 187
  • Karma: 0
Wow, unbelievable thread. Yeah that definitely puts some things in perspective. Next time I think I'm going to look at p*** I will read about who I'm looking at first. It's all so corrupt and disgusting and horrible, I just don't want anything to do with it. Also, when I was looking for a prostitute and I called up some women, probably the most revolting thing was just interacting with such low-iives and seeing how they treated me, the potential customer. Suffice to say it's a whole world of misery, certainly not a place for nice Yidden like us. When we surf the internet for p***, we are tacitly involving ourselves in that world.
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 14:50 #48296

  • Nosson
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 61
  • Karma: 0
Boruch Haboh!
Welcome to our family!
What works for me in that situation is not only davening for that other person but recognising that its possible that Hashem placed this in front of me so that I could pray for them.

The 2 basic ideas that work for m in that situation are ,
1. Recognising that I have lost it completely and only hashem can help me now I must give myself to him 100 percent.
2. I focus on helping other people  either in their struggles with addiction or in any way possible, I just need to get rid of my crazy ego.
3. Getting on to Gye and telling people or my mentor how I feel, and trying to be empathetic with others in their struggles.
For me I must focus on doing it 100 percent for the other person and to give my life 100 percent into hashems hands.
Whats sort of crazy is that my impetus is self centered since I know that if I don't do so I will get pulled down myself completely and eventually harm other people and myself ....
(To insanity and beyond)
Yet I have to focus completely on the other person and Hashem, I guess for me things don't have to make sense if they work. ;D
excuse me for my rambling 
If these tools don't work maybe you can be involved in sa slaa etc, they have success for alot of people and their system truly works. Trust me most of my ideas are from them  ;D

Never feel to embarrassed etc to post here, we never judge and whenever you are willing we are hear to offer our experience strength and most important hope with you!

Tomorrow will be a better day, just don't keep saying that every time you wake up!
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 16:48 #48342

  • aryehtahor
  • Current streak: 50 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 187
  • Karma: 0
Nice to meet you Nat.

I think I'm not at a stage where I need to go to sa meetings. It seems to me that the best way forward for me is to practice what you say about davening for people, and being active in this forum. Especially the forum. This is such a great group and the ideal use for the internet. When I think I'm going to slip, I'm going to post something here.

And when I think I'm ready, I'm going to take on the 90 day challenge! So far, my best stretch was around 30 days. So maybe I'm not so far off. And I used to smoke cigarettes which I have stopped now for a month and a half. Yes! I know that I am getting siata dshamaya and it feels great. I am knocking off things on my list of basic self-improvement. The next thing would be eating better and exercising, but one thing at a time...
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 16:56 #48347

  • aryehtahor
  • Current streak: 50 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 187
  • Karma: 0
Oh, and just to clarify, I know this isn't *just* basic self-improvement. The main point is that these are steps toward serving Hashem better and building olam haba and doing mitzvos! And I also think the ability to beat addictions and override Y'H transfers to whatever it is you need to do. It helps you have a better work ethic, eat better, exercise, stop smoking, whatever it is will be easier the more control you gain over yourself and your yetzer hara. I think I heard of R Yerucham saying that he would deny himself something he wanted every day just to help build up the muscle of self-control. So the stronger the muscle, the greater heights we can reach and the better we can serve Hashem.

Anyway, that might have been a bit disorganized, but maybe you get the point...
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 17:40 #48361

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
Reb Aryeh - life is all about self-improvement.

When I started, I never dreamed that I could do this... if you've already been clean for 30 days, then you can totally kick this habit.

Sign up on the WOH, and get to it, being clean and pure one day at a time!
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 25 Jan 2010 22:50 #48441

  • Dov
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Baby-steps; Easy does it.
  • Posts: 1915
  • Karma: 331
Understand and agree with all, just a little funny twist on the idea, from inside AA circles. They say how funny it is that 12 steps is referred to as "self-improvement" or "self-help" in the bookstores. It's really the opposite of self-help - which is how we got screwed up in the first place, of course. It's about G-d-help, meaning learning how to accept the unadorned truth about ourselves, accept His help in place of our ineptness, start to take directions, and really get better for a change.
Just a thought. Alei v'hatzlach, chevra!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 26 Jan 2010 20:09 #48663

I am pretty new and have committed myself (not to an asylum, just GYE) to being better in regards to P**n and self pleasure. So far 40 days clean. It has to be a mindset. Your story reminded me of how I used to feel , wanting to incorporate what I saw in those movies and clips, into my life. But it has no place in the bedroom. It's all fake. My connection that I feel with my wife and with Hashem is better.
Shlomo hamelch said ," Ani Koheles-- everything is Havel" The key is and was , that Shlomo Hamelech tried it all and had it all. Take it from him. We all know the same to be true. Cut the computer time and use it only when you have to. Make yourself busy and don't let the Y"H get any time to spend with you. Stay strong.
Penitent
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 26 Jan 2010 21:42 #48683

  • Dov
  • OFFLINE
  • Administrator
  • Baby-steps; Easy does it.
  • Posts: 1915
  • Karma: 331
penitent wrote on 26 Jan 2010 20:09:
I am pretty new and have committed myself (not to an asylum, just GYE) to being better in regards to P**n and self pleasure. Stay strong.
Penitent

Great post, Penitent! Funny how you mention "self pleasure", and I definitely relate to what you wrote. But it's funny how we work, because it became clear to me especially after a year or so in sobriety, that I was never more miserable than when I was acting out. It's actually quite shocking how miserable I really am when in that state. Thank-G-d I no longer have to be there today.
Keep posting, please!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 26 Jan 2010 22:37 #48696

  • aryehtahor
  • Current streak: 50 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 187
  • Karma: 0
Dear Penitent,

Yes, I think it is very easy to confuse fantasy and reality. First, we know it's fantasy but we want to go there for a while and delude ourselves a bit for the fun of it. But later, we start to think that pornography is an accurate representation of what a physical relationship with a woman is. We get more pleasure for porn than real-life, so we try to bring porn into the bedroom as you said. At one point, the girlfriend that I mentioned in my first post actually suggested that she do things to me while I look at porn. How sick is that? Porn had literally invaded and obliterated any intimacy that could have existed between us. And what made things worse is that *she* was under many of the same delusions as I was and had very low self-esteem. I stuck with her way longer than I should have...
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 27 Jan 2010 15:44 #48842

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
Whether or not she was unhealthy isn't the issue here - as Bards says, she may have a problem, but she isn't your problem. Or she may not have a problem. Doesn't matter anymore. The question is for you...what do YOU need to do to grow?
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 27 Jan 2010 16:07 #48856

  • aryehtahor
  • Current streak: 50 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 187
  • Karma: 0
Definitely agree with that. One of the things I can do though is to make sure I stay away from people like that in future, since it's especially dangerous for me with my tendencies.
Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 27 Jan 2010 16:15 #48863

  • silentbattle
  • Current streak: 266 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3726
  • Karma: 10
You want someone who's healthy, and it sounds like even aside from her preferences in the bedroom, this women had a lot of issues. Although keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with doing things that are "different," or non-vanilla. The question is where it's coming from, and whether you're mentally with your wife at the time, or locked into your own fantasy world.

Last Edit: by .

Re: my story, any chizuk appreciated 27 Jan 2010 20:38 #48939

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 6360
  • Karma: 117
aryehtahor wrote on 24 Jan 2010 05:26:

I happen to be in an environment in which I see very non-tznius women literally everywhere. This state of affairs will only be another year but until then there isn't really anything I can do about it except...not look. When I leave this environment, my need for pornography goes way down. The things I see during the day affect me when I'm on my own. But not looking is really hard. Any tips on that? It's kind of like being really hungry and knowing that in the next room are all sorts of delicacies that you love that are there for you but you don't even go to see what they are, let alone eat any...


Read through this page, top to bottom. Maybe it can help somewhat.


Which leads to the other problem which is that I have time on my hands. Even when I'm busy and I have a whole list of things to accomplish in the day and I am very methodical in doing them, I am glad to be able to relax at the end and...indulge in some internet surfing. But when I don't have  a lot that I have to do, my laziness prevents me from getting up and being creative in finding something useful to do, and the internet is always there beckoning. And I've had filters but I always beat them so they are more or less useless at this point. And if I have time on my hands and I get sucked in...as I said, that could kill the whole day,or at least hours and hours.


Maybe some of the hundreds of links and ideas in our Kosher Isle can help.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by .
Time to create page: 0.53 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes