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Is there someone like me
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TOPIC: Is there someone like me 429 Views

Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 12:35 #368050

  • benny57
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Hi every one I'm new to the site I was suffering with watching shmutz and being mz"l for a few years now tried to stop SOOO many times by myself but no success then I overheard my brother telling someone about the website so I decided to try. I've been reading some of the posts on the forum witch gave me so much chizuk I read one about what the heck syndrome I related 100% to this once I fall I just carry on cause anyway and also someone wrote about wanting to fall because he wanted to have 90 days so if your just 4 days in fall now so you don't have to wait 90 days this was speaking directly to me me if anyone has some ideas to help at night while I'm in bed that seems to be the hardest time not to fall when I'm just lying bored in bed waiting to fall asleep thanks everyone it was good for me just writing this.        
"​if you keep doing what your doing your gonna keep getting what your getting"
Henry Ford
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"
Albert Einstien

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 12:47 #368052

  • Shteeble
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Welcome Benny!
We're all like you, and yet we're all a little different too.
Keep posting and getting chizuk!

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 13:51 #368056

  • Grant400
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Welcome! 

Let me jump into it. Many come here looking for an idea for a specific time or problem. The truth is, it isn't nighttime or lying in bed that's the issue. It's our overall relationship with lust. Learning how to say no and be the one to decide with your brain and heart, instead of the smallest organ in your body is the "answer". Once you learn the truth about lust AND the truth about yourself, that's when you can make things change. 

Stick around, read and post. You can work miracles. 

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 16:14 #368066

  • HappyYid
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Hey benny! Welcome!
You came to the right place, it's awesome here.

Look around, see what works and keep posting. It does wonders.

Keep us updated
Hatzlacha
Feel free to contact me happyyid613@gmail.com
My thread

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 17:31 #368071

  • Wannabepure2
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Hi Benny,

congratulation on your first step by writing this post.

keep checking in every day.


wannabepure2

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 21:14 #368083

  • wilnevergiveup
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Welcome!

We ay not have the same story but we are all on the same boat.

Maybe start by getting your feet wet, take a look around, look at some threads on the forum, you will see that we all struggle in some shape or form. One thing to know is that many guys here are just like you and have successfully broken free. It can be done and with Hashem's help, itwill be done by you too.

Take a look at the GYE handbook and sign up for the chizuk emails.

If you really want to stop, you are already on the right track. Make a list for yourself (you can share t here if you'd like) of all the things that you feel are reasons you want to stop. It's easier if it's clear what the benefits are versus the losses.   

Most importantly, share with us your struggles and triumphs. Share with us what's going on, it really helps to get it all off your chest.

Hatzlacha, looking forward on hearing more from you.

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Is there someone like me 06 May 2021 23:55 #368096

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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…we are all on the same boat.

Maybe start by getting your feet wet…


Hmmm…..
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Is there someone like me 07 May 2021 13:23 #368141

  • Captain
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Welcome!

Also check out these great free resources: 
The Battle of the Generation: a great ebook with motivation, perspective and tips.
The Fight: an audio series by Rabbi Shafier about l overcoming lust.

Please see my signature below for the links.

Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Is there someone like me 07 May 2021 15:17 #368154

  • EvedHashem1836
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The battle of the generation and the fight (as captain said) are a huge help and what I do personally which might help you is I bought a hard copy of the battle of the generation (is an ebook but costs like 10 bucks on amazon worth it for me) and read a chapter or 2 (usually relatively short chapters) every night right before hopping in bed (meaning i read my chapters and then immediately go into kerias shema al hamita) to keep me focused on whats important as I go to bed. Harder to think about shmutz when you literally just read about the importance of working on desire and lusting etc.

Also not specifically talking about nighttime issues but posting is a huge help can't even describe the maalos of posting. The way GYE works for most people (i'd assume) is that theres a group therapy aspect of having people encourage you that are going through the same issues and you encourage them too and its very helpful so definitely post! Even if your not saying anything crazy just to keep you accountable that works too. Post every hour if you want no one will call you a spammer or anything we all get it
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Is there someone like me 07 May 2021 19:54 #368180

  • benny57
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Hi thanks everyone for the support and ideas will definitely try them I'm now three days in on the 90 days chart I'm having a bit of trouble finding a balance like when someone told me its normal for bochrim to struggle with these things so don't be so depressed but on the other hand its really a chomurdike zach anyone have any thoughts? I was speaking to my mashpia about it he said instead of just focusing on trying not to fall   become focused on a goal like  during the day if you have a solid schedule youll be occupied. someone wrote on here that were all in the same boat, I read recently in the mishpacha a story of two people talking and one said to the other this corona is really hard the other guy said yes were all in the same boat she guy answered were all in the same storm the way you maneuver your boat that is up to you      
"​if you keep doing what your doing your gonna keep getting what your getting"
Henry Ford
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"
Albert Einstien

Re: Is there someone like me 10 May 2021 01:19 #368264

  • silentbattle
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Life is always about balance, and I don't think it's helpful to get depressed. 

That said, is this something you want to stop? Has what you've been doing, worked for you (rhetorical question - you wouldn't be here if it had)?

Then it's time for you to try something different. Welcome, and take it one day at a time. 

Re: Is there someone like me 23 May 2021 03:51 #368839

  • benny57
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Hi gut voch, I wanted to write again because  I had a very difficult shabbos I was lying in bed early shabbos morning half awake and half asleep and i had machshovos zoros kind of like a dream but very extreme witch i have not had since I started the 90 day program I'm already 16 days in while lying there for sometime I felt like I was mz"l but with no stimulation it was weird no touching does that count as a fall and I need to start again? 
"​if you keep doing what your doing your gonna keep getting what your getting"
Henry Ford
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"
Albert Einstien

Re: Is there someone like me 23 May 2021 04:10 #368840

  • DavidT
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benny57 wrote on 23 May 2021 03:51:
Hi gut voch, I wanted to write again because  I had a very difficult shabbos I was lying in bed early shabbos morning half awake and half asleep and i had machshovos zoros kind of like a dream but very extreme witch i have not had since I started the 90 day program I'm already 16 days in while lying there for sometime I felt like I was mz"l but with no stimulation it was weird no touching does that count as a fall and I need to start again? 

What constitutes a "Fall" to require restarting the count?
There are "slips" and there are "falls". "Slips" do not require restarting the count. "Falls" do require restarting.
A "Fall" is one of the following things:


  1. Intentional masturbation (with finish)
  2. Intentionally viewing improper sites
  3. Intentionally calling inappropriate telephone numbers
  4. Intentionally seeking out and reading erotica

so it seems that your case is not considered a fall as it was not intentional
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Is there someone like me 23 May 2021 22:12 #368888

  • benny57
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Hi thanks for the response I'm glad I made it past this point the whole shabbos I was thinking to myself did I fall? and once I fell it doesn't matter I can go ahead and continue doing it till next time I commit to the 90 day challenge I'm grateful that hashem gave me the strength to get a grip of myself. not sure why but it becoming harder the longer it goes on I thought it would start to go away the longer i was going just today while learning gemora i suddenly got this feeling i had to act out it was like a physical feeling in my stomach and lower area im sure had i been in the bathroom iwould not be able to hold back b"h i just kept learning and within a few minutes it went away.   
"​if you keep doing what your doing your gonna keep getting what your getting"
Henry Ford
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result"
Albert Einstien

Re: Is there someone like me 24 May 2021 17:53 #368926

Early on in my current bout of recovery, I had a few dreams where I was relapsing, in the dream. I woke up terrified, but it was only a dream. Not a wet dream, just a dream where I was using porn. I don't want to use porn. It is destructive. So, very scary dreams.

Last night I had my first wet dream in years, which for me is a fantastic sign of recovery. I wasn't doing or viewing anything (hopefully) that led to the dream, it was just my body's way of clearing things out. No big deal. Nothing to be ashamed about. I thought I had lost my sobriety, and then I woke up to find out it was just a nocturnal emission.

I'm not going to worry about my unborn kids beating me with sticks or saying tikkun klali or whatever, because that just isn't productive for my recovery. I'd rather recover now, and worry about the teshuvah stuff later. Or never, honestly.
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