January 19, 2021

It's 1:45 AM and I am still at work (don't worry, my wife reeeeaaaaallllyyy  understands and that tzadeikis is fully supportive : )

Yet stressed and tempted....and I feel that I earned the right to _______.

Wait! Oops, I forgot that my brain is now rewired. So I forced myself to go to GYE to receive the chizuk that you guys always provide (part of the rewired brain routine)...

Tonight I am deciding to hold back because of Lionking's fall.

Huh?

Yup, Lion, I believe that your integrity is still fully intact.

And brother, if you feel like a mouse, know that your courage is what inspired me tonight.

So perhaps I can now pass the baton to another guy out in cyberspace who is conquering his personal hell while reading this post.

Friends, keep spreading the sacrifice L'maan Hashem from man to man; it is most certainly contagious!

IMG

Whoah! I just realized that I hit 60 days tonight. That's like, a legitimately monumental deal for me -  not stam (my apologies for the teenager in me coming out).

Probably should have posted this on the "Let's celebrate" thread, but...super clutch that I keep a spare bottle of Gentleman Jack at work.

The chashuve oilam is invited to partake!

IMG

Mazel tov on 60 and for overcoming the challenge. I like the way you termed it "his own personal hell". I can't think of a better way to describe it. Iyh you will look back soon and say "Wow, I can't believe I got out of hell".

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 19 Jan 2021 06:43:

You are awesome! 

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 19 Jan 2021 06:55:

L'chaim, partake I did! Lets do this again! Iy"H many more simchas!

Mazel Tov to our mighty warrior. 

January 21, 2021

Dear Chashuveh Oilam,

Allow me to share with you a he'ara from the heart. Something that comes from being on my 63rd day. This thought would have been incomplete on day 43, and is perhaps undeveloped for what I will BEZH be on day 83.

​I am humbly suggesting a new phrase for the chevra: "minuzwell mindset." 

I believe that the above phrase lies at the core and is a big player in many of our darkest struggles (for some reason I am very emotional now....listening to Avraham Fried's יחיד ורבים which always makes me cry)

Let me explain:
Prior to the unbelievable bliss (and agonizing agony) of rewiring oneself, the yetzer nails us virtually every time by saying "Don't kill yourself to delay that which you are going to anyhow do." You guys know exactly what I am referring to.

THIS IS PRECISELY THE NEKUDA OF "REWIRATION!" (another invented word : )

איני אותו איש of the heilige Rambam is nisht kain תנאי but a היכי תמצא. Dos Haist that תשובה is hindered by "minuzwell mindset" until you convince yourself that you are rewired. And than you can look into the dark eyes of the מנוול and tell him to go to hell (as he deserves).

Excuse my language, I am mighty worked up tonight and adamant that my 63 days - with the love and Help of the Aibishter - is my new reality.

I love you guys more than you can ever know.

IMG

Pardon my ignorance, but what is the exact hagdara of the term “minuzwell mindset”?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 22 Jan 2021 17:37:

I understood it to mean "might as well". 

lionking wrote on 22 Jan 2021 17:40:

Ah gotcha, so like an “apathetic mindset”

February 10, 2021

Good Evening / Morning to the chashuveh oilam.

Sorry to bore you with my mental health needs. (I am generally a pretty stable dude : )

I am very hurt and upset about something that someone said about me earlier today (Yes, it was a relative....but no, it was not my DW).

Three months ago that would have meant automatic masturbation. But I am too good for that now.

I need to share the above boring piece of trivia cuz this forum is precisely what has - and will - continue to keep me accountable.

That's all for now.

With anger from Grodno ~ IMG

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 10 Feb 2021 07:00:

Maybe in special places like Grodno this is boring piece of trivia. Where I live this is called GREATNESS. 
AWESOME STUFF MR. ISH!

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 10 Feb 2021 07:00:

In todays GYE email newsletter there was a quote from Rabbi A J Twersky Z"L  "One of the leading causes of addiction is an inner void, low self-esteem and/or depression" 
I related so much to this and I think this can help us understand why it's so important to gain proper direction in dealing with insults and other pain...

​I'm really strongly inspired on how Ish MiGrodno is dealing with these issues.... 
Keep it up!!

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 22 Jan 2021 04:16:

May we all attain your clarity

'I don't need this' is key to rewiration which is perhaps the greatest gamechanger in winning each battle, every day and eventually to sobriety, happiness, focus and serenity 

February 13, 2021

2 he'aros I had on Shabbos Kodesh:

(1) Walking down the street (talking to myself as always) and contemplating my new identity / alter ego of IMG.

After nearly 90 days, it's a name that I identify with, yet no-one who knows me (barring 2 GYE members) identifies me that way.

I giggled to myself and remembered something that I heard as a child:

​If one was to have a revelation of maaseh merkava, would their satisfaction be diminished a bit cuz they cannot share it? (rhetorical question)....when one feels so good about themselves, no-one needs to know.

(2)
During hallel today, we all quoted Dovid Hamelech's beautiful praise of Hashem - "Who raises us from the dust and puts us together with the noblemen of His precious nation..."

That's me: I was in the dumps for decades and decades, and now find myself among Klal Yisrael's finest heroes.

​With laughter and royalty from Grodno ~ IMG