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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 27703 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 03:04 #362048

  • YeshivaGuy
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If only these guys knew how much deep pain and turmoil they’ve caused me.

After a great seacond Seder I come to the room and Bang! A bullet of worthlessness to the head...

Ok I’ll spare u guys the drama and head to Maariv.

Thanks for listening 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 03:12 #362050

  • Ish MiGrodno
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Whoa, such yisurim : (

:עולם הפוך ראיתי, עליונים למטה ותחתונים למעלה - בבא בתרא י
​Good guys suffer (and are portrayed by others as bad) in this world cuz HKBH knows that they can deal with it.
Just another feather in Yeshiva Guy's hat of gadlus.

​We can't thank you enough for the gadol / role model that you are, and the greatness that you bring to GYE

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ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 03:45 #362053

  • Bigmoish
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Yeah, my friends all know I need to blow off steam whenever someone acts like that to me. I think it's a common human condition to get pissed off from jerks.
Start a tehillim list for all these bozos and don't be shy to come here and vent.
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 03:48 #362054

  • Markz
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Oh wow. Sorry to hear.

Realize that in all likelihood that kid’s jealous of you - seriously
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 04:25 #362056

  • YeshivaGuy
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Thanks guys, means a lot.
When the guy told me that I’m living a stira, I responded calmly that “that’s how humans are sometimes we do good and sometimes bad.”

I didn’t lash out at him.

I’m not proud of the fact that I feel so much anger.
Even though I may be technically “justified,” that’s not the life I want to lead.
Im really really not one of these “b’shita” guys.


I even said a curse word (not in front of him) out of anger.
Pretty upset about that.
I really wanna be on a higher darga before marrige...

Though I think marrige is different because then I love the person and want to invest in our relationship, but here this is a random guy staying in my room for 3 weeks and acting like he’s my mashgiach and best friend.

I really want to be a Baal Middos Tovos. That’s one of the reasons why I’m waiting for marrige abit longer, cuz I wanna work more on my midda of Chesed/Savlanus...
Maybe I’m expecting too much of myself (again), idk, we’ll see..
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 04:40 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 05:24 #362061

  • Hashem Help Me
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Feelings are real. You are angry - very angry. You are irritated and frustrated. Venting is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don't bury the pain, share it. Feel free to call and yell and scream. 

Regarding your self esteem - If this fellow was your rebbi, nu nu. Being that he is basically an immature teenager (who very possibly has masturbation challenges and tries to feel good about himself by being frumer than thou - this is a topic for another time), learn to not care what he and others like him think about you. If, during the next few days that he is with you, he knocks you again, you have two choices:
1. Be from the ne'elovim v'ainom olvim - keep quiet and give out brochos!
or 2. Sit him down and very politely tell him "I honestly do not care what you think about me and i am asking you politely to leave me alone."

Hatzlocha buddy - you iyh have a bright future in being mechazek others.... 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 05:27 #362062

  • Grant400
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I can't make you fell better. Just wanna say I totally get you. I'd cherish the opportunity to wring his neck with my bare hands. It sounds harsh. It's the truth. There's almost no one I admire more than you. 'Nuff said.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 05:35 #362064

  • Sapy
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Grant400 wrote on 27 Jan 2021 05:27:
I'd cherish the opportunity to wring his neck with my bare hands. 

Oh Grant, I'll better watch out to always be on your good side and not upset you....
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 05:36 by Sapy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 05:52 #362068

  • mggsbms
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All I can say is don"t let such people define who you are. I can confidently say that your fire and passion together with your iron will power are unique, and truly inspiring. You have been a role model to me personally, as you have inspired me to take on this struggle with renewed vigor. So stay strong and don't let the naysayers get a foothold.
Aka -  Mischadeish075
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 05:54 by mggsbms.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 10:43 #362078

  • wilnevergiveup
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Very often he wakes up earlier and before he leaves the room (like 30 min before shachris) he says condescendingly aloud (to wake us up) “ok YeshivaGuy (not my real name;) I’m going to shachris! have a great day!


If he knows your GYE username, he must be on GYE also...
Check out My thread  and The Truth

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(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

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Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 10:47 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 12:03 #362084

  • wilnevergiveup
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 27 Jan 2021 05:24:
Feelings are real. You are angry - very angry. You are irritated and frustrated. Venting is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don't bury the pain, share it. Feel free to call and yell and scream. 

Regarding your self esteem - If this fellow was your rebbi, nu nu. Being that he is basically an immature teenager (who very possibly has masturbation challenges and tries to feel good about himself by being frumer than thou - this is a topic for another time), learn to not care what he and others like him think about you. If, during the next few days that he is with you, he knocks you again, you have two choices:
1. Be from the ne'elovim v'ainom olvim - keep quiet and give out brochos!
or 2. Sit him down and very politely tell him "I honestly do not care what you think about me and i am asking you politely to leave me alone."

Hatzlocha buddy - you iyh have a bright future in being mechazek others.... 

Being someone who suffers from low self esteem myself, with all due respect to Harav HHM, I don't recommend the first option.

On a similar note (not sure if this is what HHM is suggesting or not) I want to share something that happened with a friend of mine and myself once that really had a lifechanging affect on me.

As someone who struggles with low self esteem, I also fell into the trap of making myself feel worthy by putting others down. I B"H had many friends, but I was very often quite nasty to many of them. One day, I said something particularly awful to one of my friends (who happened to be two years older than me) and he told me, you should just know, that is not a really nice thing to say to someone. So I said, Oh, I am so sorry if I insulted you to which he answered something fascinating. He said, I'm not insulted, it's just that people don't like to be around people who say nasty things about them.

That comment is the first thing that someone ever said to me that really got me thinking. He didn't give me mussar or make me feel guilty, but he taught me a lesson for life and I wonder if you would tell this roommate of yours in a real nice way that the things he is saying are just mean plain and simple, and that it's just not fun to be around guys like that, if it would get him to start thinking a little before he opens his mouth.

It's also interesting that when I was learning in E"Y, I also had a similar situation with a roommate. There is one thing that I wish someone would have told me back then is how to set boundaries. There is a line that if crossed it's just to much and we aren't expected to put up with. Stick up for yourself! Take a stance! You are allowed to say a dirty "exuuuuse me" when someone looks at you texting. If you want to do something really mean (not that I'm recommending this) you can turn off his alarm clock after he goes to sleep...

When he (or anyone who who has no place) gives you mussar, smile, and tell him, "thank you, I know I have a lot to work on and I am trying my best to grow. We all have room to grow and you've got your fare share as well. There in nothing wrong with having shortcomings, if there was you would be in trouble too. I am not going to list all your faults but think about it, we all have what to work on. If you would be perfect, you would be dead."

Oh, and don't forget to daven for him in refaeinu.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

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(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

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Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 12:36 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 12:22 #362086

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In addition to what willnevergiveup wrote - There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Aggressive behavior is inappropriate and basically lowers you to the level of this roommate, and classifies you as being selfish. Assertive behavior - standng up for your rights in a proper way and protecting yourself from further attacks, is completely appropriate. Many people put both behaviors into one "box" and refrain from protecting their own rights for fear of being aggressive. To tell this fellow, "You are a frummy nosybody who is getting on my nerves - bug off - noone asked you for your opinions and sh*tos" is insulting and enters the realm of aggressive. To say, "Excuse me, i do not appreciate your comments and ask that you stop sharing them" is not at all insulting, and you will have asserted your rights. Some may advise resorting to comment #1 if necessary, but knowing you, i don't think you would feel good about it afterwards. You don't seem like the guy who gets a geshmak in telling a guy off. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 14:24 #362096

  • wilnevergiveup
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Just saying, I think what I wrote here is still relevant.
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Jan 2021 14:26 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 27 Jan 2021 15:02 #362099

  • YeshivaGuy
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 27 Jan 2021 14:24:
Just saying, I think what I wrote here is still relevant.

Maskim.
Thanks so much to you and everyone here for all the amazing eitzas. I really appreciate it

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 28 Jan 2021 16:46 #362176

  • YeshivaGuy
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I’m driving home in a few hours for the off Shabbos.
Im reinstating the Kabola to not use ANY unfiltered device while home. 
As well, to not use the TV at all.

If I need to for whatever reason use one of them, I will text HHM and will text him again when I’m done.

Will be in touch with the chevra.
144 days clean this far Baruch HaShem.

To note, I have had taiva to masterbate for last few days and actively holding back.
Even now as I type this...

Still in bed... kinda gave up few days ago and looking forward to the off Shabbos as a new start.
Big mistake I’ve made in the past is to completely bumb out at home. Prob with that is it just makes me feel worse.
So I’ll make sure to have a Seder, daven b’zman etc.

Anyway, spoke to my Rebbi and got very good eitza bh. Will be b’kesher.

Thank you all,

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 28 Jan 2021 16:50 by YeshivaGuy.
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