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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 28161 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 06:55 #358594

  • i-man
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Wow ! G-D Bless you Yeshiva guy

speaking of Yosef hatzadik ... it’s interesting that today we lained that parsha and today you are experiencing the same type of massive nisayon .
And you are channeling that massive Vayimaayayayaayaayayayain, li truly hope that you can be “ vayanas vayoitze hachutza “ 
And iy’H you should be zoche to the success Yosef had .
All the best

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 06:58 #358595

  • Zedj
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Yosef hatzadik was in the same situation as you.
He was ready to give up everything.
it was only when he had a vision of his father did he stop short of the deed.

How did this vision of Yaakov help Yosef fight the desire?
One of the explanations given is: Yaakov was fixing the mistake that Adam made by eating from the עץ הדעת . When Adam ate from the tree, he caused impurity to mix within the world.
That was what Yaakov was trying to fix. when Yosef saw his father yaakov (Yaakov also had a similar look to Adam (I could be wrong with that)) , he realized Evey action one does in this world has an effect. No matter how trivial his action may be. That was what gave Yosef the power to overcome his desire.
He realized his action will not just be a temporary action but rather a lasting effect.

So @yeshivaguy, if you were at a point to give everything all up, yet you didn't I am astounded that you held yourself back.
You can consider yourself having a test just as great as Yosef.


Keep up the fight.

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Last Edit: 13 Dec 2020 07:03 by Zedj.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 15:18 #358603

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Somehow made it through last night.
Thanks guys!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 18:06 #358609

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Might drive down by the beach to the boardwalk with the fam.
They say there’s no one there cuz it’s colder, I hope that’s the case, cuz it’s 60 degrees today...

Will keep Y’all posted 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 18:31 #358610

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Dec 2020 18:06:
Might drive down by the beach to the boardwalk with the fam.
They say there’s no one there cuz it’s colder, I hope that’s the case, cuz it’s 60 degrees today...

Will keep Y’all posted 

If you stroll along and take a bored walk, your head might start lusting after all those beautiful people that also say “there’s no one there” and came. 
Instead, grab your MonstahSneakers (Gevura) can lend you one, and take a 30 minute sprint. 
If you’re lucky you may even get a glimpse of General Grant poking his head out of the submarine (hmmm I wonder why he hangs out by the beach...)
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Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 20:33 #358619

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Didn’t end up goin to the beach bh

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 21:43 #358625

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I wonder if/when this voice will ever cease.
The voice which whispers in my ear to drink the venom of the נחש הקדמוני
Last Edit: 13 Dec 2020 21:44 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 13 Dec 2020 23:25 #358630

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Dec 2020 21:43:
I wonder if/when this voice will ever cease.
The voice which whispers in my ear to drink the venom of the נחש הקדמוני

Maybe never, but it will get easier to ignore. 
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 14 Dec 2020 18:05 #358677

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@YeshivaGuy
As soon as I get access to GYE, I always come here first. Just caught up on everything I missed since my last off-Shabbos. I just wanna day that this thread is a real kick in the pants for me, because I have a lot to learn from you in terms of fighting till the bitter end. I envy your ability to feel your feelings/urges and articulate them so clearly, which only  serves to highlight the Superhuman strength and grit required to overcome them. It reminds me that we are all superhuman and transcendent, by virtue of the potent power of a Yids Neshama which you do valiantly choose to give expression to every day. You are a real role model for me, and thinking of your triumphs will surely help me come out of my own weeklong break as clean as I came.
חזק ואמץ
רפואה שלמה
א פרייליכען חנוכה
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 14 Dec 2020 18:14 #358681

Yes I agree! 
I think yeshiva guy is the "gye navy seal" that fights till the end and never quits!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 14 Dec 2020 23:56 #358712

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At dougies now with the family, night before I drive back to Yeshiva.
Funny, they don’t realize that I’m celebrating almost 100 days clean.

It’s our little secret

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 15 Dec 2020 04:03 #358733

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 14 Dec 2020 18:14:
Yes I agree! 
I think yeshiva guy is the "gye navy seal" that fights till the end and never quits!

Couldn't agree more!!!!!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 16 Dec 2020 03:04 #358801

  • YeshivaGuy
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I can’t believe I’m writing this.

B’Chasdei HaShem I am now 100 days clean.
Clean from touching my “Ever” for hanaa.
Clean from masterbating
Clean from watching explicit content.

I used to dread saying kriyas shema.
The words “v’lo sasuru,” would send shivers down my spine.

In my heart I didn’t actually believe it was within my capability whether or not to violate these holy words.
And by extension, I wasn’t shayach to “v’hyisem Kedoshim.”

I was an outsider.

I would read Mussar Sefarim describing high madreigos of Kedusha v’Yiraah.

And I would listen to shmuzin from my Rebbium and Roshei HaYeshiva about how Klall Yisrael is a “Mamleches Kohanim v’Goy Kadosh.”

But every night I would hear shiur from a different “Rebbi.”

“Ein l’cha Cheleik b’Elokay Yisrael” is what the porn stars and western society would tell me.
I was just a piece of meat, evermore bound by his base desires.

And so I lived.
Learning, davening, and doing mitzvos.
But I didn’t actually believe I was shayach to a life of Kedusha.
The Rebbium just didn’t understand! 
This is 2020, this generation of Jews aren’t shayach to this “Goy Kadosh” that they speak of.

A sad mindset, born not out of rebellion, but of despair.

I had heard of GYE.
I had always assumed it was for crazy addicts, but not for “normal people” like me who struggled with masterbating and watching explicit content from time to time.

When zman ended early before Pesach due to Corona, I knew I had to do something drastic to stay afloat and not drown in the cesspool of pornography.

So I joined GYE.

I met an anonymous chevra of Emesdike Bnei Torah striving to grow in their Avodas HaShem.

I wasn’t alone.

This chevra lifted me up when I was down, and was always there for me no matter what.

There is one particular thing that has played a central role in my Hatzlocha thus far.

One day, HaShem Help Me reached out to me.

We spoke on the phone and he conveyed to me fundamental Yesodos of how to view myself and approach the challenges I was having.

He offered me a deal. If I would be clean for a certain amount of days then he would give me a certain amount of money.

The offer was for 30 clean days.

Now, in my mind, this was way outside of my Nekudas HaBechira! But he persisted and I agreed. I was matzliach Baruch HaShem, and have been ever since.

Every time I struggled he was there for me on the phone, over text, etc.

But what was more meaningful to me was that he was willing to invest in me when I wasn’t willing to invest in myself.

He invested monetarily in a “stock” which I never believed had the capability to grow.

This has been fundamental in my growth thus far, and  B’ezras Hashem, shall help further my Hatzlocha henceforth.

Anyone interested in this life altering opportunity can contact HHE directly or PM me for details.

I have no words with which to convey to each and every one of you my Hakoras HaTov.

People ask me “How did you do it? How did you overcome this particular nisayon?”

And the answer is,

I don’t know.

But I do know that it was this chevra here which debunked the lies I had been fed by the entertainment industry.

I am not a slave to lust.

I am the Baal HaBus over my Self.

And it is only because of this chevra here, that I now believe wholeheartedly that I am shayach to a life of Kedusha.

And Now, when I walk into the Beis HaMedrash, I proclaim defiantly in my heart and in my mind “Yesh Lee Cheilek b’Elokay Yisrael.”

Thank You,

YeshivaGuy

Last Edit: 16 Dec 2020 03:19 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 16 Dec 2020 03:20 #358803

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You are amazing in so many ways.

You should really celebrate and know that you are an inspiration for many on here.

Thank you for posting and sharing your experience!

From what I understand, the battle doesn't just stop after 100 days, so don't just casually skippidy dippidy away.....


Looking forward to see many more posts from you!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 16 Dec 2020 04:11 #358804

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I'm clean for 180 days. Haven't touched a thing. Barely thought about it for months. I was on top of the world. Years of struggle, and suddenly I'm free. Just like that. Amazing. Had a good Yom Kippur, and never have to think about this again. Who ever would have thought that stopping cold turkey could be this easy? Amazing.


 The last few days I'm suddenly going crazy, fantasizing and craving a relapse. It's like quitting smoking, and after years off abstaining and thinking that you're totally over it, you suddenly are dying for just 1 cigarette. It's no big deal, and it won't lead to anything, your little voice says. Cognitively, you're well aware of the absurdity of such a statement, and that there can be nothing more dangerous than killing the streak with a one time indulgence (even if you say that you won't actually masturbate, which is also a laughably ridiculous sentiment), and that the last thing that such an indulgence would do is satiate the drive for another 6 months.

Nonetheless, with all of the cognizance of the horrific danger of a one time indulgence, that little voice just won't shut up. The frustration is driving me nuts. I haven't had wet dreams in months... Now I had a few nights in a row.

HKBH has been holding my hand the past few days, during the weeks of the saga of Yosef Hatzaddik. Every time I'm about to slip, the image of my Father appears in the window, metaphorically speaking. A shiur that I'm listening to just happens to extoll the great virtue of one who holds back from slipping in this temptation, and how it's the greatest cosmic accomplishment one can conceive. (No, the topic of the shiur had nothing to do with this. It was a open question and answer forum about anything under the sun playing in the background. I don't believe I've ever heard this topic discussed by that speaker before.)

I haven't even logged on here in months. I thought this was history. History seems to repeat itself, as the old saying goes.


I hope I can continue holding on. I don't know how much longer. May Hashem help me, and help us all.

(I almost forgot how much closer to Him I was when I was in the depths of the abyss, and He was the only one who knew I was there and was there with me. I had nobody to talk to or to ask for help from but Him. Ironically, in a way i was closer through my anguish than I am now in my numbness. At least then I appreciated the horrific gravity of what I was doing wrong, at least to a degree, and felt pain over my lack of feeling pain. Now I feel nothing.)


I'm not even sure why I'm posting here. I'm just venting. Thanks for listening.


@Yeshiva Guy, you're incredible. I can't emphasize that enough. Just absolutely incredible. May you (and Hashem Help Me) experience all the goodness and reward that comes to those that accomplish this monumental feat. Know the incredible nachas you are giving to your Creator.
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