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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 6752 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 21 Oct 2020 21:56 #356551

  • YeshivaGuy
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It’s just that, women are so beautiful. I don’t get it.
Even (especially) if dressed tznius.
I just don’t understand what HaShem expects from us.

Are women meant to not walk outside?
Are men meant to always look down at their shoes? 
Is this a “God made” nisayon? Or a product of society?

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 Oct 2020 11:21 #356566

  • wilnevergiveup
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Niagara Falls is also beautiful, and so are the Alps, yet no one gets the urge to masturbate when they see these things.

Seriously though, over time it will get easier on the street.

Wilnevergivup
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 22 Oct 2020 15:19 #356572

  • Hashem Help Me
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Your desperate subconscious will at this stage trigger you with anything and everything. It will not be like this for life. You will iyh not be overwhelmed. Right now, if it can't get pornography, it will try to get whatever else is available...  

Hashem made women attractive in order that we should be excited about getting married and having children. If not for that, we would never engage in what rationally speaking appears as a disgusting act. However as mentioned there is a world of a difference between attractive and triggering. 

In summary, be patient. Keep going, and iyh you will get past these highly arousing moments. Hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 05:27 #356602

  • YeshivaGuy
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Hey guys,
B’ezras HaShem I’m driving to Yeshiva tomorrow morning.
12 days clean stuck in the RV.
17 days clean days at home.
Despite unfiltered Internet readily available.

And Baruch HaShem I was matzliach.
46 days clean from even touching my “ever” for any hana’ah.

I never thought I’d make it this far.
I never imagined a life without masterbating and watching bad vids on YouTube etc.
And was only able to do it with all of your support.
Thank you, from the depths of my heart.

Our journey now returns us to the Bais HaMedrash.
Thoughts invade my mind saying that I haven’t been learning so much/davening well the last few weeks, so can’t shteig in Yeshiva...

But no.
I shall succeed.
May my accomplishments in this inyan catapult me to shteig in Yeshiva.
And may the Bais HaMedrash accept me once more.

I’ll keep posting, bezras Hashem, though likely less often. 

The journey continues to “Make it to Yeshiva” not just in חיצוניות but in פנימיות.

Thank you all so so much,

YeshivaGuy
Last Edit: 23 Oct 2020 19:44 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 06:02 #356605

  • i-man
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I just want to say Mazel Tov ! And Thank you!

Reading  your thread inspired me and is a Kiddush Hashem ( Not to mention a great read with drama and cliffhangers all around)
The fact that you were able to stay pure despite the ripe conditions for giving in , should give chizuk to everyone that it’s possible in this area.
And I don’t think you should think too much into how much you davened and learned - overall you were working on yourself and shtieging as a Ben Torah , and now that you will be in Yeshiva you will be able to focus more on that  especially since you have elevated kedushah.

Hatzlacha !
Last Edit: 23 Oct 2020 13:47 by i-man.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 07:06 #356606

Amazing! I've been rooting for you this whole time. All Yiden are limbs of the same body.  When a yid has an aliyah, it has a positive affect on all of klal Yisrael. When a yid has a yerida c'v', we get affected as well. So thank you for being mechazek my neshama. I want to offer one suggestion: maybe start to turn to Hashem more, if youre not already. There may be a time where you can't post or get chizuk from us, then what? You may think that it's the group that's been keeping you sober, but really it's been Hashem, disguising himself as this group. So keep posting, but start to recognize that He's the true source of your chizuk and the one keeping you sober. We love you and want the best for you!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 10:19 #356608

Mazel Tov. There are no words to express our thanks.

You write the idea here is to make it to yeshiva. And hopefully one day, yeshiva will make it to you. I give you a beracha from the depths of my heart, that this will be so. And you will survive in the decedent, immoral society we live in, by always having Hashem by your side.

I'm hopefully going to yeshiva soon too, and I won't have access to anything, even this site. But I have no doubt when I return, I will find a stream of countless beautiful messages, from a boy who has done the unthinkable, and conquered himself.

I used to think the username 'yeshivaguy' was generic. But you, my friend, are truly one of a kind. And your goal  is one that is few and far between nowadays. There are probably not more than 100,000 bachurim in yeshiva across the globe. That's 1 in 70,000 of the worlds population. So if you ever doubt how much you are learning, how much you are growing, remember you have a whole football stadium of people relying on you, cheering you on. Envision it. A whole stadium, screamiing and waving banners. You were chosen out of all of them. Hashem wants you.

Its not just GYE that needs you. Its gans clal yisroel. The responsibility that comes with this opportunity is enormous. But so is your potential. And none of us here have any doubt that you'll smash it.

Keep it up. All the best in yeshva. Keep on shteiging.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 11:00 #356611

YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Oct 2020 05:27:
Hey guys,
B’ezras HaShem I’m driving to Yeshiva tomorrow morning.
12 days clean stuck in the RV.
17 days clean days at home.
Despite unfiltered Internet readily available.

And Baruch HaShem I was matzliach.
46 days clean from even touching my “ever” for any hana’ah.

I never thought I’d make it this far.
I never imagined a life without madterbatting and watching bad vids on YouTube etc.
And was only able to do it with all of your support.
Thank you, from the depths of my heart.

Our journey now returns us to the Bais HaMedrash.
Thoughts invade my mind saying that I haven’t been learning so much/davening well the last few weeks, so can’t shteig in Yeshiva...

But no.
I shall succeed.
May my accomplishments in this inyan catapult me to shteig in Yeshiva.
And may the Bais HaMedrash accept me once more.

I’ll keep posting, bezras Hashem, though likely less often. 

The journey continues to “Make it to Yeshiva” not just in חיצוניות but in פנימיות.

Thank you all so so much,

YeshivaGuy

Wow
I'm smiling at my phone reading this. I'm so happy to hear!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 23 Oct 2020 14:09 #356617

  • Grant400
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 23 Oct 2020 05:27:

Our journey now returns us to the Bais HaMedrash.
Thoughts invade my mind saying that I haven’t been learning so much/davening well the last few weeks, so can’t shteig in Yeshiva...



Yeshiva guy! What an accomplishment! You're a true leader among men! May your amazing growth this past bein hazmanim reflect the direction your life will take forever.

One point: You write that since you haven't been learning or davening according to the standards of the  ben torah you proudly are, you are concerned that maybe you won't be able to shteig properly.

Just a thought. I hope this comes out properly. I felt throughout my life (and unfortunately still do) the same as you. If I didn't learn enough or if my davening left too much to be desired - I was a failure. A bad jew. A disappointment. I mean, in yeshiva fron rabbeim, or from many of our parents all we hear is "learn, learn, learn! " practically very shmuz is focused on Torah, on hasmadah, on proper tefilah.

In our minds this is the end all. If we don't learn according to the extremely high standards we (or others) set for ourselves (although rightfully so) then we are terrible failures and fraudsters. We aren't worthy, we may as well act out. We are constantly beating ourselves up for falling short of our lofty goals and being unachievers.

Of course these are the proper and only goals we should be living with, that's why we were created! Of course we must make this the main and only focus in our lives. There is a chiyuv to daven with kavanah and learn all the time!

But...


Let's take a step back. We are good Jews! We keep halacha with love. Hashem is on our minds almost every second, between davening, berachos and mitzvos. Our manner of speech and our expressions all pay tribute to the one above, b"h, iy"h, God willing. We value and cherish every mitzvah in the Torah! (even if we don't always feel it). We try to speak like yidden. We give tzedaka, eat strictly kosher. Our every breath is sustaining the life of a yid serving his creator.

Do I sound like I am describing a failure? Someone to be ashamed of? A person who should feel undeserving of shteiging? Damaged goods? Absolutely not! This person is great. An eved hashem.

Does this mean we should be complacent in our Yiddishkeit? Never. We must always strive for more, for perfection. More torah, better tefilah and a greater appreciation of Hashem and his mitzvos. Never settling and always, always improving.

But these must be goals, not obstacles. They should be blueprints for achievement, but definitely not a list of our shortcomings. Not accomplishing our goals to shteig more (I don't mean not to sin) means we didn't create a positive boost unfortunately, but it doesn't cause us to gain negative karma. We are still the same servant of Hashem who deserves and can shteig. We aren't tainted or spoiled,  just waiting to continue achieving the levels we can and must.

I hope my point comes across clearly and doesn't chsv"sh sound like I'm advocating complacency. I still struggle with this malignant mindset as I'm sure many others do to. But be"h we will overcome it and continue to lead a life of going מחיל אל מחיל in our yiras shamayim, avodas hashem, and learning torah!

Hatzlacha on the new zman. Let the bais hamedrash and the sifrei kodesh embrace you with love and envelop you in a halo of kedusha and relentless shteiging.

                One of your many admirers,

                                    Grant
Last Edit: 23 Oct 2020 14:12 by Grant400.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 24 Oct 2020 23:53 #356633

  • Captain
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Hey @YeshivaGuy,

Now that you're going back to Yeshiva, check out this great clip from Rabbi YY Jacobson that was on the GYE Boost:
www.guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/gyeboost/Broadcast133.mp3

For google drive if your filter blocks the first link:
drive.google.com/file/d/1u-s6bAZwwkwpiilWdrtxH0sFvM5fSR9o/view?usp=sharing

Awesome clip that really put things in perspective for me.

Btw everyone should sign up for the GYE Boost Daily Emails. They're awesome! A boost of chizuk every day. Go to www.gyeboost.org .

Also, remember that after 2 or 4 shtark days in yeshiva, you won't remember any more whether you're bein hazmanim was strong or weak.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 25 Oct 2020 01:26 by Captain.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Oct 2020 18:42 #356670

  • YeshivaGuy
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Really wanna masterbate/see bad stuff...
By fine I’ll go to mincha.
So hard.
This road seems endless...

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 25 Oct 2020 19:57 #356673

  • Grant400
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Oct 2020 18:42:
So hard.
This road seems endless...

There obviously is an end goal, by you it's probably marriage. But let's not lose focus that this road is not only about the prize at the end. We pick up rewards and coins along the way too, everyday clean is a successful end to a smaller goal.

            

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Oct 2020 00:47 #356684

  • YeshivaGuy
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Been giving in.
Bad thoughts.
Stared at pics of girls on my phone.
On the verge of breaking the streak.
On the verge now and have been all day, of touching my “ever” etc.
Ive given up ground and now it’s much harder.
Im losing strength.
Not sure how much longer I can withstand this.
I gotta switch back to my kosher phone (I have it here), though could do radio on it which is big taiva for me, the Kol isha.

I need to flee my bed and go to the Bais Medrash.
But I’m frozen in place.

I feel like how I’ve felt before giving in.
Slowly giving in inch by inch...
Im sinking.
Help
Last Edit: 26 Oct 2020 00:49 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Oct 2020 00:52 #356686

  • YeshivaGuy
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Just called a close friend of mine.
Told him my matzav now, got chizuk.
Told him I’ll switch my phone and give him this one for a few days.

I thought I’d be able to stay strong with the iPhone like I managed to do when I was home.
But I guess not...

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 26 Oct 2020 00:59 #356688

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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49 days done. It’s Shavuos!!! Go to the Bais Medrash and learn all night!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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