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Make it to Yeshiva
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TOPIC: Make it to Yeshiva 28162 Views

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 02 Oct 2020 21:17 #355742

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 02 Oct 2020 18:19:

I am becoming the Baal Habus.


Hey maybe you can even get a Monstuh Bus like mine

KUTGW and have a great Yom Tov!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 04 Oct 2020 23:37 #355748

  • YeshivaGuy
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Insane amount of taiva over Yom Tov- somehow stayed strong. I’d be sitting and feel the pressure in my hand to just touch it one time but bh my Seichel won...

In still in the RV (though I can be in the succa and sleep their too) and over Yom Tov the sewage in the bathroom of it got full, so... it was rough, had to be creative about using the bathroom cuz it was (and is) totally full (which means I can’t flush and haven’t flushed all Yom Tov so far)
So though Bh I’ve managed not to get upset over the last 8 days- this kinda got me agrovated and honestly I’m ok with that cuz I really think I’ve been doing great to stay positive and this was just a breaking point.
And I think it’s ok- because sometimes in life people get agrovated

Been pushing away hirhurim from trigger words (like someone says a word and it reminds me of some pritzus song) and other stuff.
Oy!

All this made it harder to be Shomer Habris, but bh somehow persevered.
Not sure how.
But here at GYE we learn that anything is possible
Last Edit: 04 Oct 2020 23:45 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 04 Oct 2020 23:40 #355749

  • YeshivaGuy
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Ok I’ll be honest with u guys.
I have a taiva now to get my mom to put in the restrictions code on my phone...
There, I said it!
Kinda wanted to hide, but can’t hide from you guys... I’ll be strong. It’s just so hard, especially like I got all this stress especially from the stupid sewage...
Uch...

A Gut Moed!

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 00:05 #355750

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Wow! You. Are. Amazing!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 03:49 #355759

YeshivaGuy wrote on 04 Oct 2020 23:37:
Insane amount of taiva over Yom Tov- somehow stayed strong. I’d be sitting and feel the pressure in my hand to just touch it one time but bh my Seichel won...

In still in the RV (though I can be in the succa and sleep their too) and over Yom Tov the sewage in the bathroom of it got full, so... it was rough, had to be creative about using the bathroom cuz it was (and is) totally full (which means I can’t flush and haven’t flushed all Yom Tov so far)
So though Bh I’ve managed not to get upset over the last 8 days- this kinda got me agrovated and honestly I’m ok with that cuz I really think I’ve been doing great to stay positive and this was just a breaking point.
And I think it’s ok- because sometimes in life people get agrovated

Been pushing away hirhurim from trigger words (like someone says a word and it reminds me of some pritzus song) and other stuff.
Oy!

All this made it harder to be Shomer Habris, but bh somehow persevered.
Not sure how.
But here at GYE we learn that anything is possible

Your positive attitude is awesome and inspiring. Keep on rocking!
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 04:21 #355764

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Oooo parents goin to bed, I’ll be alone in the succa, taiva now to chap arain the restrictions code...
Wooo!! The pain is real

If not for the whole streak thing and the support here of u guys- I’d give in tonight, and would’ve awhile ago too...
Last Edit: 05 Oct 2020 05:21 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 04:24 #355765

  • i-man
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You remind me of a shmuz I heard on erev Rosh Hashana, basically that just like the world is operating in an unnatural way ,so too we can act   in that same fashion of lo bderech hateva in regard to our spirituality..

stay strong!
Last Edit: 05 Oct 2020 05:54 by i-man.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 10:44 #355770

You know, people are going to look up to you one day. And they'll think 'I wonder how so and so got to where he is today? I mean, he's such a great yid, filled with emunah and jewish ethics. Probably was a child prodigy. Sat all day and did nothing but learn. Was born with exemplary character traits. and had smooth sailing throughout.' 

But we know the truth. That greatness, that nachas ruach to Hashem, was earned, not given. Deserved, not granted. The bad character traits were fought against, and defeated. The emunah was built, through sacrifice and grit. The learning was hard, but perseverance bore fruit. This yids greatness was born and sustained in the back of a smelly RV van, not in the corner of the beis hamedrash.

They won't know. But we will.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 14:40 #355775

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Hey guys,
Baruch HaShem got through last night.
Watching history vids have really saved me- it’s interesting and vastly lowers the taiva.

At first I felt bad watching it right after havdala last night cuz felt I shouldn’ve learnt/ done something more meaningful, but I guess I need to accept where I’m holding and grow slowly.

Thank you all for the chizuk and encouragement- it really means a lot.
Y’all are keeping me going.

Still in pajamas (hard to wake up on time when can’t go to minyan...), I hope to daven now and learn.
Feel abit shver like might have allergies etc but thats the least of my probs right now.
I hope we can empty out the sewage today that would make things easier...

Ill keep y’all posted! I’m so fortunate to have joined this site and the chevra here.
Its life altering.
Hatzlocha!
Last Edit: 05 Oct 2020 14:45 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 15:56 #355776

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 05 Oct 2020 14:40:
At first I felt bad watching it right after havdala last night cuz felt I shouldn’ve learnt/ done something more meaningful, but I guess I need to accept where I’m holding and grow slowly.


Don't underestimate how meaningful it is to grow in this area. It may not be through Torah, but to stay clean in the heat of the battle is huge and very meaningful. It's not easy to measure the impact of not doing a negative thing, in contrast to how simple you can measure the impact a positive action (or doing a negative one), but it's does have a great amount of value.

I'm sure you'll look back in a few weeks and see this situation from our perspective and see how amazing you are doing

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 18:48 #355781

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No matter what I do I got this fire in my chest, heart pounding, this taiva just Isn’t stopping. Crazy.
I just can’t bring myself to fall, I can’t do it.
But it’s insane that my heart just doesn’t stop pounding.
Im walking around and there’s ligit bombs goin off inside me

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 19:32 #355782

  • Grant400
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 05 Oct 2020 18:48:
No matter what I do I got this fire in my chest, heart pounding, this taiva just Isn’t stopping. Crazy.
I just can’t bring myself to fall, I can’t do it.
But it’s insane that my heart just doesn’t stop pounding.
Im walking around and there’s ligit bombs goin off inside me

I can't imagine how tough it is for you alone in the RV! But sit down. Close your eyes and think back to last time you fell how you felt after. Really remember it. Then think about how you will feel if you give in now. 

Think about the pleasure you will actually have if you give in. In your mind the pleasure seems much greater than it is. Try to narrow it down to the truth.

Think about how you will feel at 10:00 tonight if you gave in.

Remember, it's okay to feel the way you do now and still not give in.

You are steel. Read through your thread. 

                                 Grant

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 05 Oct 2020 23:45 #355789

  • YeshivaGuy
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2 min ago, was about to ask for restrictions code to be put in...
But BH Didn’t!
I walked away
Thank you all
Last Edit: 05 Oct 2020 23:46 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 06 Oct 2020 02:55 #355790

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Was thinking how to get the AppStore.
Told father I’m bored and want news app,
so I downloaded somethin else too...

B’kitzur a few months ago I had the courage and told my dad that I sometimes trick...
So he confronted me that “bored” is code name for...
He said “I was also once a teenager” (he’s more modern but he wants me to shteig in Avodas HaShem, and my relationship with my parents is pretty open..)
And he understands the struggle of bein hazmanim when not learnin all the time especially in my quarantine situation 

Oy the boosha.... Super uncomfortable.
I feel like a pathetic baby.
Then we discussied wat I can do to keep busy, maybe I’ll build something.

It’s like no matter wat Gd just wont let me run away.
Uch.
Had just started enjoyin on it for a sec but deleted it.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

Anyway guys- gn
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2020 05:13 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Make it to Yeshiva 06 Oct 2020 05:39 #355793

Amazing to hear the transformation that's going on inside your psyche and neshama. Keep it up, it just gets better and you'll be amazed at all the positive changes you're going to experience!
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