I realize that I threw everyone off by saying the question was Halacha L’Maaseh.
I used the term colloquially as meaning it’s an actual case and not hypothetically.
Im not asking an actual halacha shaila.

On a lighter note, I recently saw a sign "I am Looking for a job, הלכה ולא למעשה"

yitzchokm wrote on 06 Aug 2023 19:18:

I am not a Rabbi and I wrote what I wanted to say in the wrong way. I had no intention of claiming that I was a Rabbi. Somebody corrected me. What I meant was that I believe I am not supposed to write diverei torah as guidance on the forum but only what works for me. I didn't mean it literally that someone might in any way think that he can rely on a psak from my words but from the way I wrote this post I was afraid that somebody will make such a mistake. I probably should have written the whole post differently, if at all. I reported this to the moderator so he can delete or edit the whole post. My apologies.

yitzchokm wrote on 06 Aug 2023 23:54:

Relax buddy, you’re good

yitzchokm wrote on 06 Aug 2023 23:54:

Please stop apologizin' and stop worryin' so much what people think. Just write whatever comes to your mind.

By the way, I don't understand (regardin' somethin' someone said somewhere) how could one cheat on his wife and disclose it to her as well. What kind of cheatin' is that?

cordnoy wrote on 07 Aug 2023 00:06:

I agree. The context I wrote in was of a wife who was cheating on her husband. The question was whether she is obligated to disclose it to her husband and he will divorce her. I heard from my psychologist that it is a well-known psak among psychologists that she isn't obligated. I don't think he is obligated to divorce her even if she told him unless he believes it to be true but don't quote me on this part.

I deleted this part of my post before you wrote this so my guess is you are referring to the words of YeshivaGuy.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 07 Aug 2023 00:02:

I am a perfectionist. I will try to work on it.

yitzchokm wrote on 07 Aug 2023 01:01:

Learn to let go. 
You are not perfect (none of us are), nothing you will do will change that, and that's okay.
We are all here for you, and for each other, partly because none of us is perfect.

I admire your post and can definitely relate.

I'm in a similar boat as you are in. No pornographic sites BH - but there's so much elsewhere that that isn't really needed to act out, unfortunately. It seems from different posts that Porn has it's it's own specific dopamine set. That being mentioned, I think we should really be grateful for the place where we are in. Hold strong till you get back to Yeshiva. I personally also found that Yeshiva was a powerful tool against the issue. Together with the socializing and learning, it was incredible what was able to be accomplished. Was literally a game changer and oh how I wish I can go back in time...  

I'm praying for you to hold strong.  

This is sensitive topic. A few thoughts:

YG's question is, I think, deeper than the regular question of what to tell our wives. Because, in dating, you are creating the background story upon which her commitment will be built. So you, Yeshiva Guy, are asking how you can create a relationship based on falsehood? 

It's a piercing and painful question. 
​I won't condescend to think I can answer. 

But I will tell you one thing I know. 
You, Yeshiva Guy, won't present a false picture of who you are.
Your totality, your keen perception, core of honesty, you deep and powerful thoughts and feelings - you will share those. You'll share the strong passions that you have as a BEN Torah, and the tumultuous swirl of powerful Retzonos Hatov that are your makeup. You are not defined by this portion of your struggling.  

Yes, its a part of you. Part of the ugly, part of the pain, part of the gain and the glory of the battle.  I don't know how much of this part of you you need to share or how. Speak to your rebbe. 

Another point: 
She may not ever want to talk to you again if she knew what you thought about just before. But in part that may be because she doesnt really understand what this challenge is and what it means to us. I am not mitigating the severity of Issurim, Chas Vishalom. BUT: if she truly understood the agony and the pain, the struggle and the triumphs and the joy in growth tha you go through, if she truly understood  the difficulties inherent in fighting and how you feel when you win - maybe she would. Maybe she would want to share your life proudly. I don't know. 

I know that I admire you. And wish you the very best. Davening for you. 
You'll move mountains. 

cordnoy wrote on 07 Aug 2023 00:06:

Regarding what I wrote that my psychologist says that there is a disagreement between therapists whether to disclose his behavior to his wife, you are right. He was referring to P&M and not about having a relationship with other women.