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Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva
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TOPIC: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 1109 Views

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 29 Jul 2020 21:26 #353137

  • Hashem Help Me
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As I finish up, I hope that this was somewhat helpful, and even if not, you should know that you are not alone and we are all rooting for you.

I think this line is the most important benefit that GYE has provided us with. So many tzebrochene fellows out there feeling tremendous guilt and shame and decide that Hashem hates them because they are abnormal sinners and losers. Somehow hashgocha brings you here and you realize you are involved in a struggle that a very large percentage of guys are dealing with - normal and good guys. Which makes you realize - you are normal too. There is a support system and people have broken free - there is hope.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 31 Jul 2020 01:55 #353171

  • YeshivaGuy
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Hey, I’m in the exact same situation as you. Trying to keep busy and do our best. Bezras Hashem we’ll be matzliach. 
ur not alone at all. I have many friends in Yeshiva who are having a hard time also during this time.
feel free to pm me 

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 03 Aug 2020 03:35 #353271

  • onthewayup
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So it has been a few days. I hope everyone had faith in me. And I am still.... clean. Yes I am about 1 week clean longest streak in a few weeks. I have had a few close calls but I feel like I am heading in the right direction. All this is without a shvuah which shocks me. In general I feel like once I get a good streak going and get back to yeshiva imy"h, I must change my outlook I have had on these issues. Until this recent relapse, I always just thought I would escape it. I was in Israel for a few years and was 100% clean when I did not have a device so I thought I had just solved the issue. However, with the path life has taken me now, this is not my reality. I must engage the world somewhat. Therefore, even if I am even months clean, I must constantly strategize against the next weak spot. I know the yetzer hara is at least so why should I not be? I have a few reservations about this new apporach, but first  I want to hear what others think.

Stay strong everybody and thank you for being my anonymous accountability partners. 

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 03 Aug 2020 13:36 #353282

  • Dave M
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onthewayup wrote on 03 Aug 2020 03:35:
So it has been a few days. I hope everyone had faith in me. And I am still.... clean. Yes I am about 1 week clean longest streak in a few weeks. I have had a few close calls but I feel like I am heading in the right direction. All this is without a shvuah which shocks me. In general I feel like once I get a good streak going and get back to yeshiva imy"h, I must change my outlook I have had on these issues. Until this recent relapse, I always just thought I would escape it. I was in Israel for a few years and was 100% clean when I did not have a device so I thought I had just solved the issue. However, with the path life has taken me now, this is not my reality. I must engage the world somewhat. Therefore, even if I am even months clean, I must constantly strategize against the next weak spot. I know the yetzer hara is at least so why should I not be? I have a few reservations about this new apporach, but first  I want to hear what others think.

Stay strong everybody and thank you for being my anonymous accountability partners. 

Beautiful! Keep on inspiring us! As you've stated, there will be ups and downs.  But keep you head up and never give up. 

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 04 Aug 2020 01:24 #353309

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Keep it up. Well written post. in the future don't write that you are "still" clean. That implies that there is an eventual fall expected. Instead write "BH i am clean and moving forward...."
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 04 Aug 2020 20:56 #353364

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I will write later tonight. But I am being plagued by desires and have come close, too close to viewing bad stuff again. It started off as a peak now I must stop myself. I will check this soon. What should I do?

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 04 Aug 2020 21:36 #353366

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Do you have an accountability partner?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 04 Aug 2020 22:37 #353372

Hi onthewayup,

I really admire your resolve. I recently just fell (bad couple of days,) and am determined not to let it happen again. I have to try something new, and Hashem Help Me just suggested a partner may be good for you. So if you are looking for an accountability partner (whatever that entails, but I like the sound of it) give me a pm and let me know.

Keep on inspiring

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 05 Aug 2020 19:51 #353409

  • onthewayup
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Hi everyone,
I thought I posted yesterday but it seems it didn't post. Anyway, yesterday, I fell. It was just a peek then a disaster. Life sucks when one is onvolved in these things. Small subtleties cannot be apprecaited and I feel like the world is to suffer because of my terrible actions. So everyone, pile on the guilt and blame...
One thing I am happy about is that it is difficult to post this. Even though no one knows me, I still feel accountability and feel like I let people down. I know this feeling will not last too long though, so I must seek more fences. I really want to just have some good summer fun and get ready for yeshiva. 
Another idea I have been thinking about has been that once I am setteld in yeshiva and have a few week streak, I need to make a real cheshbon on how to make sure this does not happen ever again; this type of relapse. 
Anyway, if anyone has other suggestions please let me know and give the rebuke, I probably need it. 
I will still keep my posting going for another 2 weeks more or less.
Thanks again everyone.

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 06 Aug 2020 23:41 #353442

  • onthewayup
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Anyone still following me. I have fallen. I need the accountability. Do not worry I am getting a partner but still please respond. I have fallen again. I want to stop it. Help.  About 2 weeks to go.

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 07 Aug 2020 00:06 #353443

  • Grant400
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onthewayup wrote on 06 Aug 2020 23:41:
Anyone still following me. I have fallen. I need the accountability. Do not worry I am getting a partner but still please respond. I have fallen again. I want to stop it. Help.  About 2 weeks to go.

Onthewayup. ON. THE. WAY. UP. You posted before that you had a week long streak which was the longest you've had in a while. Beautiful! You are higher than ever. Falls happen. Don't lose sight of your goal. Use it to become stronger by seeing where you went wrong and what started the descent. Be proud of where you are holding and keep having longer streaks. You are ON THE WAY up.

If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE. 

                                  Grant

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 07 Aug 2020 03:53 #353453

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Grant400 wrote on 07 Aug 2020 00:06:
If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE. 
   

This should be on the top of the home page or something...
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 07 Aug 2020 05:00 #353463

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Keep building motivation and figuring out which tools and methods work best for you.
Their is no need for rebuke if you know what you gotta do and ur putting in the effort to make it happen.
Keep up the good work!

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 17 Aug 2020 15:51 #353873

  • YeshivaGuy
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onthewayup wrote on 06 Aug 2020 23:41:
Anyone still following me. I have fallen. I need the accountability. Do not worry I am getting a partner but still please respond. I have fallen again. I want to stop it. Help.  About 2 weeks to go.

We are all following you and rooting for you.
Stay strong! Hatzlocha!

Re: Relapse, staying clean until yeshiva 28 Aug 2020 18:24 #354330

  • onthewayup
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So it has been a while.
I fought and fell and got up again. Today I am 16 days clean and now that yeshiva has started I feel so spiritually invigorated. Of course even now, I cannot let my guard down. 
I want to thank everyone for giving me chizuk by writing and solely by just replying giving me the feeling that others are counting on me. 
Going forward there will be a bein hazmanim after yom kippur.
What will be? How to do teshuva and what my perspective should be going forward?
​All thoughts and suggestions welcome.

Thanks again and all the best 
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