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Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim
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TOPIC: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 5838 Views

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 27 Jul 2020 19:40 #353061

  • Dave M
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Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 26 Jul 2020 13:49:
Firstly - you're such a boss Grant.

Hi Dave, its ITK. I don't think I've posted on your thread before, but reading through the posts is such a chizuk for me. And your well over 500 day streak is such a comfort, to know that achieving years of beating the yetzer is in our grasps. 

To throw in my 2 cents, I've had this a bit, where you toe the red line, flirt with it a bit, and eventually cross it. There's a gemara that says the satan 'danced' among them and killed Vashti. I heard peshat in the loshon 'danced'  - a dance starts slow, until the person begins to go faster and faster until they are out of control. So too the satan, he starts slow but when he picks up momentum he's unstoppable.

What I'm trying to point out, is the toying over the line is most often where we fall. I'll just do this, which leads to this, then this, and something we really were strong enough to beat before it all started can get beyond our control. It sounds like you're saying 'I'll just watch this. Its only youtube. And its not even that unclean!' And then it gets progressively more unclean, and the yetzer grabs us more and more.

My advice (whatever its worth, as I'm guilty of the same issue and I've not yet overcome it) is to come on here before it all starts. Watch one of the GYE videos instead of youtube. Look at some of the inspirational quotes. At least, watch a funny youtube video, or an inspirational one, instead of an inappropriate one, and remove recommended videos. I know that its not easy, but its easier before you begin than afterwards.

I'm sure you've thought of all this before. Either way, I want you to know that I'm here, soaking in the kedusha that permeates this thread, and throwing you my support. Thanks for being such a chizuk to us all.

Thank you for your wonderful response .  It means alot to me when people read my post and spend the time to reply. 

After giving it some thoughts  I have decided to "sign up" for the TaPHSIC method.  G-D willing this tool will provide another layer of deterrent.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 25 Aug 2020 15:00 #354176

  • Dave M
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Couple of days ago, I realized that I only made my TaPHSIC until Rosh Chodesh Elul.  Good thing, a clause is included that if the expiration date passes without any changes, then it automatically renews for another month.  

On another subject.  Last week I was on a family vacation.  My young son and I went on a boating trip.  Going down the river, I noticed that we were approaching a group of ladies that were dressed in a very triggering way.  As we passed by, I davaned to Hashem that in the zchus of guarding my eyes now, Hashem should give siyatta dishmaya to my son to go in the right derech.  I know we are not to suppose to make deals with Hashem, but I hoped it worked...
Last Edit: 25 Aug 2020 16:38 by Dave M.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 26 Aug 2020 03:39 #354215

  • tryingtobbetter
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wow.
i'm new to this thread but i totally relate and awed by your honesty, i just wish there was a way to reshape the wiring , as I and many others know whats right we still have the underlying desire to look, hear and think about improper things, there is only so much that safeguards can help. as soon as those are gone or down were lost,

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 28 Aug 2020 12:45 #354319

I don't think thats a deal with G-d. Sounds more like a tefillah to me. Besides, loads of sefarim say its a massive ais rotzon (opportune time) when one averts his eyes to daven for something. Its great what you did. You should do it every time, if you can. I wish I would.

Much Hatzlocha.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 09 Sep 2020 15:07 #354820

  • Dave M
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Dave M wrote on 25 Sep 2019 20:50:

I would like to share with the chevra a vort I recently saw in sefer Darchei Musser on this week's parsha Nesavim that pertains to Rosh Hashanah as well.

The first pasuk in the upcoming parsha says אַתֶּם נִצָּבִים הַיּוֹם כֻּלְּכֶם - You are standing today, all of you. (Devarim 29:9)

Rashi (29:12) brings a midrash that asked - Why is this parsha next to the the previous parsha that discusses the ninety-eight curses?  The Midrash answers - Because when Bnei Yisroel heard these ninety-eight curses they turned pale, and said, “Who can possibly endure these?” Thereupon, Moses began to appease them.  אַתֶּם נִצָּבִים הַיּוֹם כֻּלְּכֶם "You have angered Hashem many times, yet Hashem has never destroyed you. Indeed, you are still standing before Him"

Darchei Musser suggests that's why the pasuk says כֻּלְּכֶם. Because Bnei Yisroel were all together as one, that's why they were still standing.  Because Hashem promise to never destroy the Jewish nation.

Darchei Musser quotes the following from the Alter of Kelm (R' Simcha Zissel).  As individuals, we should be afraid as we approach Yom HaDin.  Since individuals do not have this promise, they cannot rely on miracles.  Therefore, the Alter gives the following advice.  One should attach himself to the רַבִּים (community).  Whether it's being involved in community needs or being part of a chaburah of growing yidden.  By doing this, a person has the status of רַבִּים.  As רַבִּים, we can rely on miracles as we approach Yom HaDin.

That's why the pasuk emphasizes אַתֶּם נִצָּבִים הַיּוֹם כֻּלְּכֶם.  Since each individual was part of the klal, that's how they merited to still be standing before Hashem.

I was thinking how this applies to us.  As individuals we feel like dirt.  We have rolled around in the "mud".  We are embarrassed to look our wives and children in their eyes after the things we've seen or done.  We feel like hypocrites as we stand before Hashem asking him to overlook our short fallings.  Yet here we are part of the GYE community.  We keep on falling and getting back up.  We continue to post on the forum about our struggles and to be mechazik others in their challenges as well.  We are ALL part of the רַבִּים.  We are all working towards a unitary goal of achieving and maintaining an everlasting kedusha.  This should be a zchus for us as we approach Yom HaDin. 

May this be the year that we all are successful in defeating our lust behavior once and for all

K’siva V’chasima Tova


This is something I wrote a year ago for this upcoming parsha.  After seeing several GYE members post recently about their guilt heading into Rosh Hashanah.  I thought perhaps we can all gain chizuk from this vort I saw and summarized here. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 11 Sep 2020 10:03 #354937

That's a beautiful vort. Thank you.

יהי רצון שהדברים לתועלת

Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
We all make choices in life, but in the end, our choices make us.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 11 Sep 2020 16:06 #354951

  • Snowflake
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Beautiful vort [2]...
Thanks!!
We are all one family here B"H.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 13 Oct 2020 16:51 #356086

  • Dave M
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Renewed TAPHSIC until Chanukah time. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 10 Nov 2020 16:08 #357244

  • Dave M
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I need to be honest with myself here.  GYE is an amazing community.  Without GYE there is no way my shmiras einayim would be where it is today.  The vast majority of the posts on GYE are gold.  Yet, occasionally (very rarely) I find a post to be triggering.  Even though the post was written very vague and modestly, the topic can "excite" me.  Just recently, I was browsing an old thread and I came across one such post.  I'm ashamed to admit, but I spent the next 30 minutes searching GYE for more of these kind of posts.  I know, it was a bad decision and its all on me.  I've written in the past how in the war with the Y'H, one most constantly fine-tune his strategies against the Y'H.  The Y'H is constantly coming up with new sick tricks to get me to fall.  I love GYE and may G-d continue to provide this wonderful organization with all the tools and resources needed to help Klal Yisroel with this battle against lust.   

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 10 Nov 2020 16:20 #357245

  • cordnoy
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Dave M wrote on 10 Nov 2020 16:08:
I need to be honest with myself here.  GYE is an amazing community.  Without GYE there is no way my shmiras einayim would be where it is today.  The vast majority of the posts on GYE are gold.  Yet, occasionally (very rarely) I find a post to be triggering.  Even though the post was written very vague and modestly, the topic can "excite" me.  Just recently, I was browsing an old thread and I came across one such post.  I'm ashamed to admit, but I spent the next 30 minutes searching GYE for more of these kind of posts.  I know, it was a bad decision and its all on me.  I've written in the past how in the war with the Y'H, one most constantly fine-tune his strategies against the Y'H.  The Y'H is constantly coming up with new sick tricks to get me to fall.  I love GYE and may G-d continue to provide this wonderful organization with all the tools and resources needed to help Klal Yisroel with this battle against lust.   

Stay off my threads!
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
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Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 12 Nov 2020 00:04 #357317

  • Dave M
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Just checking in today.  I am still feeling triggered from yesterday.  I know I need to slam the door shut on these feelings/thoughts and not let it progressed to the point where my decision making will get blurred.  Again, the posts were not inappropriate and were written following GYE standards, but one never knows where a trigger will come from.  

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 12 Nov 2020 01:46 #357320

  • Grant400
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Dave M wrote on 12 Nov 2020 00:04:
Just checking in today.  I am still feeling triggered from yesterday.  I know I need to slam the door shut on these feelings/thoughts and not let it progressed to the point where my decision making will get blurred.  Again, the posts were not inappropriate and were written following GYE standards, but one never knows where a trigger will come from.  

It's okay, these things happen. Don't beat yourself up over it. The main thing is not to obsess over it, when you obsess it causes the thoughts stay in your head. Just accept the thought, and move on with your life. We can't control and are not responsible for thoughts that enter our mind. It's not our duty to force them out the front door either, all you must do is don't make it feel at home don't offer it a comfortable chair and a warm drink. Eventually the thought will leave on its own volition.
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