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Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim
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TOPIC: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 539 Views

Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 26 Dec 2018 17:27 #338039

  • Dave M
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Hello,

I am trying to elevate my level of shemiras anayim.  B'H, I do not go on inappropriate website, as that is a red-line for me.  I have installed one of the jewish filters on my home computer.  However, at work, I find myself periodically looking at things I should not be looking at.  Sometimes this leads to MZ"L.  About a year ago I joined this wonderful organization, GYE.  Through reading the articles on GYE and getting the chizuk emails, I've made a lot of progress in this area to the point that I can go multiple weeks without "acting out".  However, usually after a few weeks I will have a fall.  What prompted me to post today was that recently I had a pretty bad "fall" which devastated me.  It showed that I am unable to beat this challenge myself.  I am hoping by interacting with the fellow members, I can pick myself back up and "stay up".
Last Edit: 26 Dec 2018 19:49 by Dave M. Reason: add more details

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 26 Dec 2018 23:33 #338049

  • Hashem Help Me
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Sorry to hear about the fall, but if it is the catalyst to "get to work", maybe it was a brocho in disguise. You mentioned you wish to interact with the chevra. Go for it! The chizuk, advice, etc are invaluable. Hatzlocha! 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 28 Dec 2018 18:41 #338078

  • Dave M
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Going through the handbook, one thing that really resonated with me was the concept of "hitting rock bottom, while on top".  As you mentioned, having a fall can jolt one to wake up and make changes.  Some of the changes I have made in the past have included putting a strong Jewish filter on my home computer or even resisting the pressure to get a smartphone.  (I'm like one of three ppl I know that don't have one ).  Every time I make changes, I go on a nice clean streak of 40-50 days, before falling.  What has me worried from my most recent fall was I'm not sure what fence I could put up to prevent it from happening again.  In the past, I had shared an office space with someone else, which helped act as a deterrence.  Recently, things got shuffled around at work so we each have our own office space.  The first day alone, I had my fall.  I work for a non-Jewish company, so it's not like I can put a filter on my computer.  Any thoughts or ideas? 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 28 Dec 2018 20:17 #338080

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Can you arrange your office so that your screen is visible from the door?
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 30 Dec 2018 04:46 #338093

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A cahver in a similar situation made a geder that he will not close his office door while on the computer unless someone else is in the office. Would that work for you? Otherwise, and I know this may sound extreme, can you install a camera focused on your screen that a good friend can view?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 31 Dec 2018 12:58 #338111

  • Dave M
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Thanks for the suggestions.  The way my office is situated, it won't work to have my screen be facing the public.  I'll try the the geder of not closing my office door for 2 weeks and see how that works.  

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 12 Jul 2019 16:06 #342242

  • Dave M
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It's been a long time since I posted on my own thread.  After a lot of ups down, I have finally been able to stay clean for awhile.  As I approach 200 clean days, I want to thank Hashem for providing the siyata dishmaya needed to help me in this journey.  One of the biggest takeaways from reading the various posts of veteran GYE members, is the danger of feeling "secure" when in the middle of a long streak.  I recalled reading about members who stayed clean for more than a year before relapsing and falling into the vicious cycle again.  When reading this, I know I can never get to comfortable or overly confident in this battle.

That being said, over the past few days I have had some "slips".  Mostly looking at pictures or watching video clips of women not dressed appropriately.  Thankfully, I have been able to pull back before it gets progressively worse.  But at the same time, red flags are up.  It's a potentially dangerous time for me spiritually now.  I hope by sharing this current struggle with my GYE brothers, I can gain the needed chizuk to weather this storm.  Have a good Shabbos. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 15 Jul 2019 13:20 #342297

  • Dave M
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B"H weekend went well.  However, I find that the real struggle is when I'm in the office.  So, in order to add some accountability during this stretch, I'll try to post more often on my journey on the forum.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 15 Jul 2019 13:46 #342298

  • Markz
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Dave M wrote on 15 Jul 2019 13:20:
B"H weekend went well.  However, I find that the real struggle is when I'm in the office.  So, in order to add some accountability during this stretch, I'll try to post more often on my journey on the forum.

This is why many companies very kindly provide 2 screens. One for work and the other for gye.com to help you stay focused on life!
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Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Jul 2019 20:18 #342333

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Perhaps you can have an alternative ready if you feel you want to look at inappropriate images.
Could you take a book to work, a book abut your favourite sport or music etc?
Or even one of those small books with concise tales of Mussar like "Sparks of Mussar" by Chaim Zaitchik etc?

Whenever you have an urge look at that instead.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Jul 2019 15:46 #342354

  • Dave M
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Yesterday was a little more challenging as I had to work with some co-workers who were not dress so modestly.  Similar to what ColinColin mentioned above, when I find myself in these triggering situation, I spend a few minutes reading the GYE handbook, GYE boost emails, or other source chizuk.  This is crucial for me.  If I continue to let these triggering thoughts linger, it potentially can morph into a full blow lust attack.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 19 Jul 2019 13:08 #342407

  • Dave M
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I had an interesting past few weeks.  Pretty stressful, as I had a to deal with a lot of things at once.  Nothing terrible, just real life stuff.  With a few exceptions, I was pleasantly surprise with how I dealt with the challenges.  I accepted that these are challenges from Hashem.  SInce I've joined GYE a couple of years ago, I've found that I have a higher awareness of Hashem in my everyday life.  Just reading the daily chizuk emails and reading how other members deal with their struggle have allowed me to appreciate the bigger picture of why we are here.  We are all on a journey.  We may not understand why we have to go what we go through, but it's a process.  May Hashem continue to give us strength in dealing with our challenges. 
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