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TOPIC: my story 3284 Views

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 00:40 #335031

  • cordnoy
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sht wrote on 27 Aug 2018 22:30:
lets say i get over him but how can i get over my desire to want to see and touch other mens privets. thanks

We all have our own set of desires; it's how we react to them that makes a difference.

Some abstain by tyin' their hands in a knot (either figuratively, or with chopsticks); some develop methods of distraction, some work a program thatI teachers them tools - either how to avoid the situation or how to deal with it inI a healthy manner.

Godspeed to you
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 01:05 #335033

  • sht
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so i am not sure what ur suggesting i cant find any of these kind of tools on this site thanks 

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 01:21 #335034

  • cordnoy
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sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 01:05:
so i am not sure what ur suggesting i cant find any of these kind of tools on this site thanks 

Start with the handbook.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 03:42 #335039

  • Hashem Help Me
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Start by speaking with some chevra here who can hold your hand and give you the confidence to not act on the desire you have. Many people on the site can share very interesting and even strange desires and impulses. They have learned to accept themselves as good people who for whatever reason were born with or developed very challenging urges. Once they have accepted themselves as kosher Jews they learn to ride the waves as the urges come. When the tsunami hits with force, they duck under...….. It may sound poetic to you, but it really works. Stay connected, have hatzlocha, and iyh soon you will be helping others who don't believe they can keep their hands where they belong. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 03:51 #335041

  • sht
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because eventually i fall thru  and i act out  

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 04:00 #335043

  • Hashem Help Me
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if you believe you will fall, then you will fall...….
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 05:28 #335048

  • lionking
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Markz wrote on 27 Aug 2018 16:30:

It's where the subway ends and the long haul begins. 
Maybe Gevurah has some subway contacts for you if you wish ;-)

I get weekly blessings from him 


I wish the subway will end...

Maybe I need to sign up for weekly blessings.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 09:55 #335052

  • mzl
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sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 03:51:
because eventually i fall thru  and i act out  

I see. So you are like everybody else here then.

In terms of where you run into your challenge: is it even day to day like, say, when you are in shul? Or is it only when you are near your friend?

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 18:09 #335081

  • sht
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no its actually not day to day its when i meet him (and i cant not meet him for what ever reason) but i also struggle with looking at men with tight pence or with people i once saw their privates (mikva etc.) and i fantasize about them   

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 18:49 #335085

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I hope you know this guy isnt your true friend, he just likes your figure.

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 19:28 #335086

  • mzl
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sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 18:09:
no its actually not day to day its when i meet him (and i cant not meet him for what ever reason) but i also struggle with looking at men with tight pence or with people i once saw their privates (mikva etc.) and i fantasize about them   

Me too. Thanks for answering all these vexing questions. Now I have a better idea.

Have you considered using surrender / the acceptance paradox when that happens?

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 23:01 #335098

  • sht
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i am not sure what u mean (why dont we pm instead of on the public forum i will be able to be mo explicit) 

Re: my story 28 Aug 2018 23:05 #335099

  • cordnoy
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Have you read the handbook yet?

Have you spoken to anyone about your problem?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: my story 29 Aug 2018 01:08 #335106

  • mzl
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sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 23:01:
i am not sure what u mean (why dont we pm instead of on the public forum i will be able to be mo explicit) 

Sure.

Re: my story 29 Aug 2018 15:00 #335138

  • mzl
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sht wrote on 28 Aug 2018 23:01:
i am not sure what u mean (why dont we pm instead of on the public forum i will be able to be mo explicit) 

I saw that you sent me a pm around 4 am. Sorry I wasn't online then.

Maybe I should explain something: I am mildly bipolar and I have the ability to see a huge problem as a small one, so I probably can't totally sympathize with you properly. I acknowledged my addiction years ago and I have difficulty remembering how much pain that is. But for the same reason I also zero in on the things that really matter in hours instead of weeks. Therefore you have already provided me with the important information.

I think surrender, a.k.a. the acceptance paradox, a.k.a. giving it up to G-d, could (but is not certain to) help you remove the desire to look or think about the male anatomy, in every day to day setting.

I will attempt to explain what surrender is, to persuade you that the time to try it out is well spent. When you desire something which puts you beyond the community of decent people as you understand it, you may decide you basically don't deserve to live. This is what causes irresistible desires. You think it's irresistible because in your belief system your brain can't exist with those desires, hence the desire must not be your choice.) Surrender is a physical behavior that prevents your brain from making that deduction. You still hold the same moral standard (desiring X means I don't deserve to live ...) but you give yourself a one-time pass.

To actually surrender you might whisper "Hashem, please take that away [ the man's anatomy ] because I can't do it."

I think cordnoy or Dov may have other spins on that.

If you want to rant to me on the phone I can make myself available for that, but this post is basically my first feedback to you based on the very meaningful information you already provided.
Last Edit: 29 Aug 2018 15:02 by mzl.
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