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TOPIC: My Story 6319 Views

Re: My Story 30 Jul 2018 03:22 #334074

  • i-man
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Is there ANYONE who is safe with unfiltered internet ???

Re: My Story 30 Jul 2018 06:58 #334082

  • JoyOfLife
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I think that's a valid point. I still think that there is a difference between relying on filtered internet to be the only reason to stop you from looking at whatever you want and it being a tool. In my case its kind of a cross breed but its more like chaining me from not looking at things. Once the chains are off things might look very different. Ideally a filter should just be another tool in the arsenal to prevent acting out during desperate times and to prevent triggers such as ads. If someone comes across unfiltered internet with such a mindset he is not guaranteed to fall as opposed to him being chained almost against his will that he will probably fall.
Last Edit: 30 Jul 2018 07:05 by JoyOfLife.

Re: My Story 30 Jul 2018 10:35 #334085

  • mzl
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JoyOfLife wrote on 30 Jul 2018 06:58:
I think that's a valid point. I still think that there is a difference between relying on filtered internet to be the only reason to stop you from looking at whatever you want and it being a tool. In my case its kind of a cross breed but its more like chaining me from not looking at things. Once the chains are off things might look very different. Ideally a filter should just be another tool in the arsenal to prevent acting out during desperate times and to prevent triggers such as ads. If someone comes across unfiltered internet with such a mindset he is not guaranteed to fall as opposed to him being chained almost against his will that he will probably fall.

If I understand you correctly I think you are saying that it can either remove certain things from the list of things you could desire, or it can actively stop you from looking at something when you are already desiring it and you are just in the act of pulling it down from he server basically. It's like the difference between moving a brothel out of the neighborhood and putting a lock on the brothel but leaving it there.

Like you said, clearly it can be both.

I think you said that for you the brothel is still there and you'd go in if only you could. That's fine. But as long as the lock is there it frees you up to engage in a different kind of life. After you have seen a better place  with your own eyes things may change.

Re: My Story 02 Aug 2018 13:21 #334215

  • JoyOfLife
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Not exactly what I meant but you get the point. Its more like the brothel is there with fences to prevent people from entering. For some that will be enough to slow them down so they don't enter. For others they will keep on looking for an opening until they see one. In both cases the option exists

Re: My Story 02 Aug 2018 13:23 #334216

  • JoyOfLife
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I fell again a few times today/last night. It feels like I'm on the road to recovery and I need to get in the last "pleasures" while I still can. Does this make sense at all that I am falling because I feel like I'm going in the right direction? Or is it something else?

Re: My Story 02 Aug 2018 13:37 #334218

  • lionking
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In this challenge, everything makes sense, and nothing makes sense. We rationalize everything and are masters of deception mostly our selfs. (I'm talking about my self here in the plural, it is easier to digest.) 

When I maximise true "JoyofLife", I B"H don't have a struggle.
Keep going and definitely try new tools. Something will work out IY"H.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: My Story 02 Aug 2018 13:41 #334219

  • cordnoy
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JoyOfLife wrote on 02 Aug 2018 13:23:
I fell again a few times today/last night. It feels like I'm on the road to recovery and I need to get in the last "pleasures" while I still can. Does this make sense at all that I am falling because I feel like I'm going in the right direction? Or is it something else?

Are you headin' in the right direction? Probably, only you know.

Does the logic make sense to you?

The logic can be justified (perhaps) only if you are lookin' long-term (either at 90 days, or a year, or your lifetime); if you're focused on today (like I am), it probably doesn't.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Story 02 Aug 2018 16:21 #334223

  • mzl
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JoyOfLife wrote on 02 Aug 2018 13:23:
I fell again a few times today/last night. It feels like I'm on the road to recovery and I need to get in the last "pleasures" while I still can. Does this make sense at all that I am falling because I feel like I'm going in the right direction? Or is it something else?

Why do you feel like you are on the road to recovery? Because you go a while without acting out or for some other reason?

Re: My Story 03 Aug 2018 08:39 #334253

  • JoyOfLife
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To try to respond to everyone at once. Acting out is definitely linked to feeling down. Ironically the past few days I have been doing things that I wanted to do (in a good sense) and then it kind of backfired on me with a super strong urge after I was triggered by some girl in the street. It felt to me that soon I won't be able to act out again and I need to get as much in as I can while I still am not "recovered". 
Cordnoy - I definitely have my ups and downs but overall I am becoming stronger emotionally and am more in control of my life. You're right that I'm viewing things in the long term which funnily enough in this case is detrimental. I can't get enough of this one day at a time philosophy. 
Mzl - The reason why I feel that I am on the road to recovery is because I am living my life now more than ever the way I want to live it. Still not exactly what I have in mind but definitely closer than I have ever been in my life. Acting out or not is simply a byproduct of me dealing with my overall happiness in life. Its ironic that the reason why I chose this user name is because I felt that if I would overcome this challenge I would happy. Since then I realized that its the opposite way around. When I'm happy there is no challenge
Thank you for everyone's feedback and for the thought provoking remarks. It's not the most pleasant feeling in the world that a person is making a mistake yet necessary to have true "joy of life" 
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