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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 30496 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 14:50 #335632

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What better way to go into Yom Kippur then on the day that I reached 100 days clean on first try! 



 (I once mastrubated on yom Kippur itself, that's how crazy I was... ) So easy, meaningful and clean fast to all!!
Mazel tov! What a way to enter Yom Kippur!!! If I knew who you were I would come to you for an erev Yom Kippur brocho.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 14:54 #335633

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I was in a mixed yeshivah and now moved to a all boys . I don’t feel comfortable opening to the rabbis there because I barely know them yet .thanks for help

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 15:11 #335634

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Ok. But keep yours eyes open t figure out who on the staff of your new yeshiva deals with this parsha, and when you feel comfortable.....
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Sep 2018 20:24 #335640

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 09 Sep 2018 03:25:
mazel tov!!

This conversation took place today between my yetzer horag (yh) and yetzer tov (yt)

Yt: wow! Wow!
Yh: what's the wow?
Yt: what do you mean? I just reached 90 days clean today on first try!
Yh: so what? you still had these lusting thoughts from time to time..
Yt: well that wasn't intentional
Yh: but your only clean based on gye's  terminology, you still subconsciously look at woman and fantasize
Yt: so what? I didn't act out for 90 days and our action is what we can control, we can't have complete and constant control over our thoughts
Yh: so many guys reached 90 days and still fell, so what are you celebrating?
Yt: tommorow is the future I'm just focusing on the present!
Yh: I still haven't given up on you
Yt: neither have i
Yh: I'll put more effort to get you to fall
Yt: and I'm counter attacking and putting much more emphasis to stay clean.
Yt: just the fact that I'm clean for 90 days consecutively, shows me that I can survive without acting out.
Yt: I'm going to tell everyone that they too can defeat you
Y"h: oh man! He's actually winning me
Y"t: great! Hopefully moshiach comes right away and hashem will shecht you finnaly so we wouldn't have to constantly fight you!

For all those that haven't read my whole thread, I'm a 22 year old single Bochur, non addict and bh just reached 90 days on first try, one day before Rh! Definitely will have a totally different Rh like never before bh!

What keeps me going is, 
1) hashem helping me out! (Miracoulsy found gye just over 3 months ago)
2)the huge desire to get rid and to put an end to this after all these years
3) the 90 day challenge, iyh my next goal is to reach 200 days clean (thanks to the advice from hhm)
4) seeing that so many normal people have this struggle and I'm not a low life for having this issue
5) people's inspiration and talking to people

Wishing all of you a sweet clean and happy year!!

Wow wow wow!!!
What a gr8 post. it's inspiring for me to see your obvious work you put in to reach your goal. Hashem should give you koiach to reach your next goal and the one after... until this world finally reaches the ultimate goal 
במהרה בימינו 
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Sep 2018 11:56 #335654

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Sep 2018 14:10:


I'm happy that you are doing well but I refuse to think about sex addiction and yom kippur in the same sentence. I find it counterproductive.

I'm not the first to do so, our great sages did, that's the reason why during mincha on Yom Kippur (highlight of Yom Kippur) we read the parsha of עריות because we always have to remember about these things even when we're so called flying high.

That's not addiction. A lifetime nazir doesn't constantly do tshuva for being an alcoholic. He keeps his neder instead. A 30-day nazir could do tshuva on yom kippur though. That would make sense. Maybe you are in the second category.

Re: A struggling bochur 21 Sep 2018 01:20 #335689

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I'm technically in the same position as you just been there 15 years ago,only HUGE difference is that you have GYE andi didnt when inwas youre age.Main thing is to take care of ait right now (as yu appear to be doing) and dont let the יצר הרע tell you its ok for now , when you get married everything will be good.
Almost nothing about the תאוה will change . 

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Sep 2018 05:55 #335741

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Hi Shnitzel and kugel,
I'm an 18 year old bochur, ive been struggling since I was 16.
I only came to the realization that I have an issue around a half year ago.

Until a half year ago i used to act out at least once sometimes twice a day. It became רגיל to the point where I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing.

Only around a half year ago I started taking action to try and regain control of my life.

I joined GYE last week. Until then I've been trying to push myself to stay clean for as long as possible. But I didn't have any of the motivational tools that GYE provides.

My longest streak was 15 days consecutively (but I came close to my record multiple times, once it was 13 days, or 11).

The truth is, I've come across GYE in the past, but i felt that it's only for real addicts, and that "if I really want to, I could stop".

After Yom Kippur though, I decided enough is enough. I need help, and GYE is that resource.

Since I joined GYE, I've had less of a cheishek to act out. I don't know how long it will last me, but im hoping for the best!

May we all be zoche to much סיעתא דשמיא to prevail in this fight!

Hatzlacha to all!
Feel free to reach out (via email or PM) anytime so we can inspire each other to prevail in this struggle.

Email: a37242607226173@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Sep 2018 06:13 #335744

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Anonymous1051 wrote on 23 Sep 2018 05:55:
Hi Shnitzel and kugel,
I'm an 18 year old bochur, ive been struggling since I was 16.
I only came to the realization that I have an issue around a half year ago.

Until a half year ago i used to act out at least once sometimes twice a day. It became רגיל to the point where I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing.

Only around a half year ago I started taking action to try and regain control of my life.

I joined GYE last week. Until then I've been trying to push myself to stay clean for as long as possible. But I didn't have any of the motivational tools that GYE provides.

My longest streak was 15 days consecutively (but I came close to my record multiple times, once it was 13 days, or 11).

The truth is, I've come across GYE in the past, but i felt that it's only for real addicts, and that "if I really want to, I could stop".

After Yom Kippur though, I decided enough is enough. I need help, and GYE is that resource.

Since I joined GYE, I've had less of a cheishek to act out. I don't know how long it will last me, but im hoping for the best!

May we all be zoche to much סיעתא דשמיא to prevail in this fight!

Hatzlacha to all!

Welcome,

It should be with Hatzlocha.

How about starting your own thread and keeping us posted on your journey?
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Sep 2018 06:22 #335745

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lionking wrote on 23 Sep 2018 06:13:

Anonymous1051 wrote on 23 Sep 2018 05:55:
Hi Shnitzel and kugel,
I'm an 18 year old bochur, ive been struggling since I was 16.
I only came to the realization that I have an issue around a half year ago.

Until a half year ago i used to act out at least once sometimes twice a day. It became רגיל to the point where I didn't see anything wrong with what I was doing.

Only around a half year ago I started taking action to try and regain control of my life.

I joined GYE last week. Until then I've been trying to push myself to stay clean for as long as possible. But I didn't have any of the motivational tools that GYE provides.

My longest streak was 15 days consecutively (but I came close to my record multiple times, once it was 13 days, or 11).

The truth is, I've come across GYE in the past, but i felt that it's only for real addicts, and that "if I really want to, I could stop".

After Yom Kippur though, I decided enough is enough. I need help, and GYE is that resource.

Since I joined GYE, I've had less of a cheishek to act out. I don't know how long it will last me, but im hoping for the best!

May we all be zoche to much סיעתא דשמיא to prevail in this fight!

Hatzlacha to all!

Welcome,

It should be with Hatzlocha.

How about starting your own thread and keeping us posted on your journey?

I just might do that.

Unfortunately, my problem isn't limited to pornography, as even without internet access (while I'm in yeshiva) I can still fantasize and fall. And I don't have GYE during those moments.
Anyone else experienced such a problem?
Feel free to reach out (via email or PM) anytime so we can inspire each other to prevail in this struggle.

Email: a37242607226173@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Sep 2018 06:45 #335748

Hi anonymous 1051, 

Even though I'm bh holding at 105 days today on first try since joining gye, it's still very inspiring to see bochurim on the same boat as me working on this issue so welcome on board!

I would act out in Yeshivah too, even before I started watching porn, I would fantasize and fall, and even seeing a woman in the street would be enough to turn me on, so your problem is totally normal.  You'll just need to be very careful with Shmiras ainayim while walking outside. 

Another thing you mentioned you dont have gye in Yeshivah, using the tools of gye is supposed to help you control those lustful moments even without having constant access to gye. 

And as lionking mentioned it's a great idea to start a thread and write your exact struggles, tools and steps your taking to control this problem. Looking forward in hearing good news!

Hatslocho raboh, 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Sep 2018 19:27 #335762

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Welcome anonymous. It should be with hatzlocha. When I was single I acted out multiple times daily and did not have internet access. Iyh as so many chevra here have, you will also break free. Keep posting. Stay in touch.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Sep 2018 22:10 #335788

I can totally relate to not having any tools while in yeshiva. I find it was harder in yeshiva without the ability to watch porn than even with full internet access. The yetzer hara hates learning torah more than anyting else and tries his hardest to get you to fall. Don't worry about whether you win or lose each battle, just realize that you are ultimately winning the war!

As far as something practically in yeshiva, if you can get an accountability partner where you can help each other to not slip that is an eitzah. Its not easy to find but might help.

Also, daven, daven, and daven!

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Sep 2018 22:19 #335789

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What I found that works for me most, is to stay occupied.
Don't allow a situation where you will have extra time on your hands. I found that filling my day with extra sedarim, or a walk with a friend can significantly reduce the chance that you will stumble.
Feel free to reach out (via email or PM) anytime so we can inspire each other to prevail in this struggle.

Email: a37242607226173@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 26 Sep 2018 23:57 #335790

Very well said! Keeping yourself busy is crucial to staying clean! I would only watch porn when I was bored... The days I was busy, I didn't have the time...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 27 Sep 2018 01:15 #335793

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Dear anonymous,
your struggles sound pretty similar to mine, only that my acting out started at age 14 and I joined GYE 13 years later,  and all I can tell you is that I had no access in yeshiva at all, but still kept on falling daily,  in my eyes it was a lost case, and I was sure that I would live that way my entire life. 
And then I discovered GYE, and everything changed,  I realized I was not alone,  and I used the tools that gye has to offer, and now b"h I am 192 days clean.
I am sharing all this with you to tell you that #1 you are not alone in your struggles, #2 we here were all there were you are and we can all say "if there is a will there is a way", #3 and most important is that being doing it yourself is very hard (at least in my experience) so by reaching out to others through posting, chatting and emailing is highly recommended and effective,  in my personal experience what worked for me was human connection by talk/text on a steady basses, whatever you may feel comfortable with please do so, but in your situation I would personally think that finding someone to be in touch with would be a great benefit for you.
if you want you can email me at gyehelp2017@gmail.com to be in ttouch with me.
All the best! Bihatzlucha!!!!
Feel free to email me at gyehelp2017@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Sep 2018 03:25 by gyehelp2017.
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