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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 30918 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 06:35 #335215

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Very impressive on almost getting to 90! I'm jealous! You are an inspiration to others showing that it is in fact possible to do this. 
Realestatemogul - 90 days is certainly an achievement but 90 days in of itself doesn't mean much. It's the journey of change which is important. A person that hits 90 shows that he has mastered to a certain degree overcoming the addiction. The fact that you are holding on strong at day 20 means that you are well on your way to recovery. In my eyes the change is much more meaningful than just hitting the numbers with the numbers simply a siman that the change has occurred/is occurring.
Congratulations once again on this milestone! Mechayil el chayil!

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 06:51 #335216

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I am currently 15 years old and have been struggling since a year ago. I am trying hard to stop but as you know is very difficult... really hoping I stop permanently ASAP and improve my relationship with the Rebono Shel Olam!

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 07:00 #335217

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Yup tachlis is that we are working hard to change ourselves , to fight the yh , to overcome the addiction etc this is what gives Hkbh  nachas , so dont get to caught up with the numbers, rather look at the direction your going 
hatzlacha to all

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 16:10 #335224

I am currently 15 years old and have been struggling since a year ago. I am trying hard to stop but as you know is very difficult... really hoping I stop permanently ASAP and improve my relationship with the Rebono Shel Olam!

I also had this issue at that age, but didn't have the guts like you to acknowledge my problem and to seek helo. I don't think these tools will be as helpful to someone in your age. I would highly recommend you actually speak to one of the professionals that deal with teenagers. Their info can be found on the "teen" section of the website. 

Also don't try staying clean just to improve your relationship with the riboino shel olam, maybe even put that on the side, you wanna stay clean because you want to live life! And not have a depressing/ guilty and double life. 

Good luck! Start a thread and keep us posted in your journey! Hatslocho raboh
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 02 Sep 2018 16:17 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 16:23 #335225

90 days is certainly an achievement but 90 days in of itself doesn't mean much. It's the journey of change which is important. A person that hits 90 shows that he has mastered to a certain degree overcoming the addiction. The fact that you are holding on strong at day 20 means that you are well on your way to recovery. In my eyes the change is much more meaningful than just hitting the numbers with the numbers simply a siman that the change has occurred/is occurring.

Spot on joy of life and iman!

I would add as a non addict and single bochur that personally the struggle at day 20 was much more then day 80, in other words me overcoming my struggle at day 20 meant more to the one above then me overcoming my struggle at day 80, and thats what counts!

אבר קטן יש באדם מרעיבו שבע וכו'
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Sep 2018 20:49 #335231

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 02 Sep 2018 06:01:


, I am only on day 20.

only at day 20? I'd say already at day 20!

Here is an old timer's perspective on 20 days.
battleworn wrote on 22 Sep 2008 14:59:
Jack, you are absolutely the best!!!!!!!!!!!!  20 DAYS WOW!!!!!!!!! :o
The Chofets Chaim (in quite a few places) quotes the Gra that brings a midrash stating that for each and every single "regah" that a person controls his mouth (when a piece of lashon haroh is just bursting out) he merits a reward that no person or malach can fathom. Clearly this is no different. How much is a regah? The gemara in Berochos says it's a lot less than a second. But let's just count seconds.
20DAYS is 1MILLION!!! 728 THOUSAND!!! seconds
And for each one you are going to get an unfathomable reward. And on top of all that, your such a tremendous chizuk to all of us, which is a huge zechus in itself.
Speak to Hashem often in a personal way, tell Him how you feel. Tell Him that you're doing all this for Him. Ask Him to remove the distance caused by the sins. Ask Him to actualize GUE's beautiful words and that all your desire should be redirected to Hashem. Try to take all that pent up energy and use it to pour your heart out to Hashem.
And keep going, we're all with you!!!!!
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 04 Sep 2018 04:45 #335264

86 days! Nearly there bh!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 09 Sep 2018 03:25 #335400

mazel tov!!

This conversation took place today between my yetzer horag (yh) and yetzer tov (yt)

Yt: wow! Wow!
Yh: what's the wow?
Yt: what do you mean? I just reached 90 days clean today on first try!
Yh: so what? you still had these lusting thoughts from time to time..
Yt: well that wasn't intentional
Yh: but your only clean based on gye's  terminology, you still subconsciously look at woman and fantasize
Yt: so what? I didn't act out for 90 days and our action is what we can control, we can't have complete and constant control over our thoughts
Yh: so many guys reached 90 days and still fell, so what are you celebrating?
Yt: tommorow is the future I'm just focusing on the present!
Yh: I still haven't given up on you
Yt: neither have i
Yh: I'll put more effort to get you to fall
Yt: and I'm counter attacking and putting much more emphasis to stay clean.
Yt: just the fact that I'm clean for 90 days consecutively, shows me that I can survive without acting out.
Yt: I'm going to tell everyone that they too can defeat you
Y"h: oh man! He's actually winning me
Y"t: great! Hopefully moshiach comes right away and hashem will shecht you finnaly so we wouldn't have to constantly fight you!

For all those that haven't read my whole thread, I'm a 22 year old single Bochur, non addict and bh just reached 90 days on first try, one day before Rh! Definitely will have a totally different Rh like never before bh!

What keeps me going is, 
1) hashem helping me out! (Miracoulsy found gye just over 3 months ago)
2)the huge desire to get rid and to put an end to this after all these years
3) the 90 day challenge, iyh my next goal is to reach 200 days clean (thanks to the advice from hhm)
4) seeing that so many normal people have this struggle and I'm not a low life for having this issue
5) people's inspiration and talking to people

Wishing all of you a sweet clean and happy year!!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2018 03:30 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 03:00 #335609

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I’m 14 turning  15 and have recently been struggling thank g-d I found this website I had a 79 day streak but then I fell now I’m trying to come back up again bezrat hashem ! One trick I learned is to stay positive even while doing teshuvah to regret the sin but stay positive and tell hashem u will come back even if it’s only for 1 day don’t be little 1 day ! 

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 04:54 #335617

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Thank you so much for this post!
Congrats on staying clean for 79 days!!! That is absolutely incredible!

Hatzlacha going forward and staying positive!

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 06:49 #335618

I’m 14 turning  15 and have recently been struggling thank g-d I found this website I had a 79 day streak but then I fell now I’m trying to come back up again bezrat hashem ! One trick I learned is to stay positive even while doing teshuvah to regret the sin but stay positive and tell hashem u will come back even if it’s only for 1 day don’t be little 1 day !

It's incredible that your taking care of this issue at the tender age of 14, and that your reached 79 days! Kudos! Stay strong!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 06:55 #335619

What better way to go into Yom Kippur then on the day that I reached 100 days clean on first try! 

 (I once mastrubated on yom Kippur itself, that's how crazy I was... ) So easy, meaningful and clean fast to all!!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 09:51 #335620

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Sep 2018 06:55:
What better way to go into Yom Kippur then on the day that I reached 100 days clean on first try! 

 (I once mastrubated on yom Kippur itself, that's how crazy I was... ) So easy, meaningful and clean fast to all!!

I'm happy that you are doing well but I refuse to think about sex addiction and yom kippur in the same sentence. I find it counterproductive.

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 14:10 #335628

I'm happy that you are doing well but I refuse to think about sex addiction and yom kippur in the same sentence. I find it counterproductive.

I'm not the first to do so, our great sages did, that's the reason why during mincha on Yom Kippur (highlight of Yom Kippur) we read the parsha of עריות because we always have to remember about these things even when we're so called flying high.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Sep 2018 14:48 #335631

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Mj23 wrote on 18 Sep 2018 03:00:
I’m 14 turning  15 and have recently been struggling thank g-d I found this website I had a 79 day streak but then I fell now I’m trying to come back up again bezrat hashem ! One trick I learned is to stay positive even while doing teshuvah to regret the sin but stay positive and tell hashem u will come back even if it’s only for 1 day don’t be little 1 day ! 

Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha. Great that you are dealing with this now before it becomes entrenched as a bad habit. Do you have a rebbi you can be open with about this? Rebbeim can be very helpful and supportive'
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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