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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 75847 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Mar 2020 04:20 #347941

Whahoo!! I'm still alive..... This Coronavirus and me being quarentined is causing me to go on this site lol.. 

How's everyone doing?
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 19 Mar 2020 04:55 #347942

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That's amazing progress. Kol HaKavod.
keep up the great work.
Hatzlacha

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2020 12:16 #347973

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Nice to see you again( virtually of course:)
My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: A struggling bochur 30 Oct 2020 20:31 #356925

Just a brief update: shnitzel is a father to a healthy child, and bh is doing awesome. 


It's incredible that the last time I watched porn was like 1.5 years ago.


I just want to say my following point for all bochurim/singles reading this: 


"Does marriage help or not?" I constantly had the same question, and so who wants to hear the truth?


So my opinion is that marriage definitely helps tremendously however only if as a single you gave it all you got. only (but not limited to) if you actually spoke it over with rav/mashpia, went to therapy, had others on gye helping etc.


If so, why are there so many on gye that claim marriage made it worse for them? Why are most on gye married? 

My theory is, that because unfortunately they didn't know about gye when they were still single so they didn't get a opportunity to figure it out then. They weren't so lucky like you. 

Now, if someone didn't use gye tools and really fight it as a single then based on most people on gye marriage will make it worse and I understand it partially. The guilt you have once married, is much worse and you then realize that seemingly there's no light at the end of the tunnel. 


I didn't manage to put a complete stop to acting out before I was married, but I constantly fought and that's what it is about, constantly fighting. But if you do that, most probably marriage will help you have a healthy outlet and keep you clean from seeking unhealthy outlets, like it bh does to me. 


May hashem help me to constantly stay clean without having any  urges which occasionally happens once in a while.


In short singles listen up: fight fight fight now!! This is your chance to fix it, to have an amazing marriage without constantly battling the urges. 

Good luck to all, may hashem help us all!! Thanks hashem for helping me till now!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2020 19:43 #356927

Mazeltov! Very exciting news
I've been reading through your thread, it's very inspiring to see your path of growth. 
Last Edit: 31 Oct 2020 23:25 by Looking_to_improve.

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2020 00:01 #356930

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Mazel Tov.
And thank you so much for the insight.
Bezras HaShem I shall heed your words

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2020 04:24 #356938

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Mazel Tov lots of Yiddishe Nachas!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2020 04:56 #356940

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Mazel tov!  A sach nachas!   Keep inspiring tzaddik....  We need guys like you to post.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Dec 2020 05:59 #358586

Hey everyone, 

First of all a shout-out to Yeshiva guy, keep rocking!! Fight fight fight!

I personally think that if not for the fact that I'm currently married I won't be able to stay clean for too long the way I am now. 

BH I'm married and have a healthy outlet, although not always possible e.g. when wife is a nidah etc. 

My marriage is a healthy distraction from my urges. I very rarely have urges, very rarely lust but I do sometimes lust. Is my marriage making me lust less, or have I just trained myself? 

I don't know, and didn't have enough time to tell because all the tools I tried didn't actually keep me clean always, one thing did, marriage! 

Most probably I can assume marriage actually helped, or maybe it's just a distraction. Whatever the case is, marriage is helping me tremendously! 

Why am I saying this? Because there's some lucky single people on gye which fight and try various things, however it doesn't always seem to work for them. 

They're being told marriage doesn't help, which might cause confusion or cause them to give up completely fighting. 

So I'm saying as "someone who was there" that personally marriage was ultimately what keeps me clean. Does it mean it'll help them? Possibly yes and possibly not? 

If they fight and fight as a single, big chance it'll help, who knows? But big chance yes.

Porn definitely has an advantage which marriage will never give you, but end of day what gives you a good feeling in the long run? What helps you emotionally?

I'll let you figure out. 

One thing is clear singles, continue fighting, never give up, marriage has a huge chance of helping you stay clean once and for all, if you fight as a single. 

And realize that yes indeed one day you'll Iyh marry a beautiful frum girl and you'll have a healthy outlet iyh, the fighting now is just temporary, it's very worth it in the long run!  Acting out once married is a horrible feeling, and makes the fight so much harder!

All the fighting you did as a single will give you so much nachas, as you'll see it helped you so much! 

Again only if you fight fight fight now as a single!

Hatslocho everyone!!

Love shnitzel,
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Dec 2020 06:06 #358587

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Thank you so so much 

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Dec 2020 07:09 #358596

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Nice message ...

I personally was not zoche to find Gye before marriage and it caused plenty of difficulty particularly with my emotional health .
I would imagine that if I had gotten here as a bochur and gotten to work , it would be in a completely different world ,
so yes all bochurim out there , it may seem impossible, never ending , and not getting results ,but keep in mind the incredible gains will play a more practical tangible result once you iy’H get married.

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Dec 2020 14:45 #358600

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cordnoy wrote on 28 Jun 2018 19:38:

danann@ wrote on 28 Jun 2018 18:35:

Karl wrote:

For me personally they're not much different regarding what situations I act out in, and the recovery tools too

For me it has nothing to do with someone being married / single / divorced / drunk / yeshivish bres-lover / trump-hater... did I miss anyone?


yup! me! i'm sephardi and yes the tools aren't that much different 

Markz, how do we link this thread to the African slonim one?

Here you go!

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/258999-African-American-Slonim-FFB-LGYB
My Story---------Dov Quotes




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Re: A struggling bochur 17 Dec 2020 18:40 #358959

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saveme123 wrote on 02 Jul 2018 16:54:
Hey im a bochur of 20 yers old struggling. My issue is mainly on my smartphone and unfiltered internet too 

How u been?
Maybe start your own thread and join the family!

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Dec 2020 15:23 #360257

#500 days! Who'd believe! 

I don't have much time to write but bh for marriage which ultimately keeps me clean. 
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Dec 2020 15:46 #360259

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 13 Dec 2020 05:59:
Hey everyone, 

First of all a shout-out to Yeshiva guy, keep rocking!! Fight fight fight!

I personally think that if not for the fact that I'm currently married I won't be able to stay clean for too long the way I am now. 

BH I'm married and have a healthy outlet, although not always possible e.g. when wife is a nidah etc. 

My marriage is a healthy distraction from my urges. I very rarely have urges, very rarely lust but I do sometimes lust. Is my marriage making me lust less, or have I just trained myself? 

I don't know, and didn't have enough time to tell because all the tools I tried didn't actually keep me clean always, one thing did, marriage! 

Most probably I can assume marriage actually helped, or maybe it's just a distraction. Whatever the case is, marriage is helping me tremendously! 

Why am I saying this? Because there's some lucky single people on gye which fight and try various things, however it doesn't always seem to work for them. 

They're being told marriage doesn't help, which might cause confusion or cause them to give up completely fighting. 

So I'm saying as "someone who was there" that personally marriage was ultimately what keeps me clean. Does it mean it'll help them? Possibly yes and possibly not? 

If they fight and fight as a single, big chance it'll help, who knows? But big chance yes.

Porn definitely has an advantage which marriage will never give you, but end of day what gives you a good feeling in the long run? What helps you emotionally?

I'll let you figure out. 

One thing is clear singles, continue fighting, never give up, marriage has a huge chance of helping you stay clean once and for all, if you fight as a single. 

And realize that yes indeed one day you'll Iyh marry a beautiful frum girl and you'll have a healthy outlet iyh, the fighting now is just temporary, it's very worth it in the long run!  Acting out once married is a horrible feeling, and makes the fight so much harder!

All the fighting you did as a single will give you so much nachas, as you'll see it helped you so much! 

Again only if you fight fight fight now as a single!

Hatslocho everyone!!

Love shnitzel,

Dear Schnitzel, 
Mazel tov on becoming a Dad.
It must feel so rewarding. May you have much nachas from him.

On the other note.
​I vehemently disagree that marriage is an answer to lust problems. IN fact if someone doesnt get over these lust problems it could only make marriage harder. Let me bring an example from Reb Grants story. The man thought that women love have S*X and therefore they will be able to have it whenever, but when he wasn't getting what he thought he should he went right back.  
Marriage is only a bandaid, but is not the fix. Once a women has a children, she doesnt look like a kallah maidel anymore. Ya, those pimples could get in the way of her looks.
Please everyone out there you need to love for other reasons besides for looks and sex. 
If marriage is all about sex, in my opinion you are doomed for failure. You may not always feel satisfied. I learned the hard way, when I thought I could get sex whenever I wanted. My wife told me no, that she is incharge and when she is ready then we will have it. BH sex is much different that way. She is happier and so am I. 
Guys dont get married bc you have lust. Get help professionally and then when you are ready get married. You could ruin your marriage just bc you think that you will have as much sex as you want. Women are also people not dolls to be poked. 

Sorry for venting 

Eyes

Oh yes please keep on praying 
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