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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 41093 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 02:08 #340686

Yeye... a struggling bochur...

fell today on day 49, and not even my taphsik method was able to stop me.. 
Past few days I was in a crazy triggering location which wasn't something i cud of prevented and eventually succumbed to the lust.. 

So what's next? 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 02:20 #340688

  • Tzvi5
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I feel for you. I'll repeat what I said earlier in other words acquiring שכל works to allow a person to control himself/not to feel lust. What I mean by acquiring intellect is when learning a statement, or a saying, or a piece... to think what's the reason, does it make sense, does it hold up to scrutiny... other methods could be, repeating the whole sugya in your own words: the whole discussion. If one does this repeatedly for several hours a day for a few weeks straight you'll notice a vast improvement. Speaking from my own experience. Good luck.
Email aronieberger@gmail.com to find out how an ex sa member found serenity through Torah Study.

link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 04:50 #340690

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I feel for you man! Better luck next time. Although this was definitely not a besurah tova, I appreciate that you shared your fall with us.
I think for next time, the question is, what can we learn from this past situation to help us towards the future.
you mentioned that you were in a situation which you could not prevent.
that may happen again in the future. What battle plan can you make that will help you the next time this type of situation presents itself?
At least, in that way, you can "redeem" your fall, and use it as a stepping stone to get to the 90 days, and not give up.
good luck!

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 05:24 #340692

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Hey, I also fell both erev yontiv and motzi yontiv, the erev yontiv was after roughly 140 days. My taphsic also did nothing for me. Actually that's not so true, I believe my taphsic was the reason I ended up falling. Not too sure how you've treated the taphsic, but in my case, my sobriety became completely centered around and reliant upon the taphsic. The taphsic is a tool (hence the reason why it's part of the "tool" section) We have many "tools" in our "tool kit" e.g. GYE principles, forums, chats, articles, taphsic, filters, etc. The tools are only so useful as long as you know what it is you're trying to build. Our sobriety is more than the sum of our tools, but the "bigger picture" that we're working for. I think we need to ask ourselves: how important is our sobriety to us?

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 13:26 #340696

Thanks everyone for the encouragement, tzvi5 I didn't really understand what you mean, if you can elaborate it'll be great.

And yes iwtbf613 I think my sobriety became dependent on the taphsik, my first try I hit 140 even though I didn't have any taphsik, which I think should be the other way around, when first joining a taphsik to stop myself then after training myself somewhat I wouldn't need it.

Anyhow I definitely am better off in handling lust since joining, I think this is my 5th time falling in just under 11 months when I joined gye, before that it was daily but I can and will bez"h do better.

New day, new start, in Chabad we start learning today מסכת סוטה reason is, just like the סוטה acted like an animal and therefore brings a מנחת שעורים which is animal food, same too the sefirah is the time to purify and get rid of our animal inside of us, the יצה"ר/ נפה"ב so what a great time to start again?

#day 1

My shavua is over and I really have to think off a great plan..
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 22 Apr 2019 13:28 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 15:45 #340699

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For starters, why not renew your shavua

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 15:59 #340701

If it didn't stop me yesterday, then no point in renewing it, especially since I wasn't so fond of using it to start off with...
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Apr 2019 17:01 #340703

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A struggling bucher?!! Really?! I would call you a Great Bucher. Only 5 times in 11 months is greatness. Don't despair, you can and are doing great. Keep it up.

Hatzlocha
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Apr 2019 20:06 #340721

Sometimes והמעשה הוא העיקר so 5 times in 11 months, not bad. right?

However I still haven't learnt how to stop lusting constantly.. since I've joined I might have learnt how not to act out on each urge, which is great but that's not what I'm trying to gain. 

The tools helped me till now, but the lust simply caught up with these tools and since I've not begun to deal with the actual lusting, learning how not to lust constantly but rather just fighting it, eventually even a shvuah will be overpowered...

Therefore my question to you all is what do I next to end this insane lusting life?

Not tools how to deal with it, but ways to take care of it.. 

I'll appreciate solid answers. Thanks!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Apr 2019 21:18 #340722

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 23 Apr 2019 20:06:
Sometimes והמעשה הוא העיקר so 5 times in 11 months, not bad. right?

However I still haven't learnt how to stop lusting constantly.. since I've joined I might have learnt how not to act out on each urge, which is great but that's not what I'm trying to gain. 

The tools helped me till now, but the lust simply caught up with these tools and since I've not begun to deal with the actual lusting, learning how not to lust constantly but rather just fighting it, eventually even a shvuah will be overpowered...

Therefore my question to you all is what do I next to end this insane lusting life?

Not tools how to deal with it, but ways to take care of it.. 

I'll appreciate solid answers. Thanks!

Read the white book, 10/15 minutes every day. Come back here when you're finished.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Apr 2019 15:08 #340725

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Cords, are your saying that our chaverim  shnitz is an addict, or that even if he's not it would be helpful?

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Apr 2019 19:18 #340726

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Hakolhevel wrote on 24 Apr 2019 15:08:
Cords, are your saying that our chaverim  shnitz is an addict, or that even if he's not it would be helpful?

I definitely see symptoms of addictive behavior. I actually saw it when he first came on as well (and I probably/might have written it someplace too). But even if he's not, it's a good read. 
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Apr 2019 19:36 #340727

Thanks cords for the solid advice, I'll iyh but the white book after yt, when I get back to yeshivah, it'll be interesting to see my roommates reactions when they see me reading the book lol, They know I'm into physcology so I don't think they'll suspect me...

I also plan on going to another therapist which specializes in family/marital issues/pornography so bezh he'll help me out too. 



Btw have no issue in considering myself an addict but chords what do you mean you saw that I was one when I first joined? 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Apr 2019 22:34 #340730

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To clarify the first method i presented learn the sefer דרכי התלמוד by יצחק קנפטון (can be found in sefaria) where the structure of the gemara is explained.
Email aronieberger@gmail.com to find out how an ex sa member found serenity through Torah Study.

link to my story guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/339218-My-journey-to-sanity
Last Edit: 24 Apr 2019 22:56 by Tzvi5.

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Apr 2019 23:40 #340733

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 24 Apr 2019 19:36:
Thanks cords for the solid advice, I'll iyh but the white book after yt, when I get back to yeshivah, it'll be interesting to see my roommates reactions when they see me reading the book lol, They know I'm into physcology so I don't think they'll suspect me...

I also plan on going to another therapist which specializes in family/marital issues/pornography so bezh he'll help me out too. 



Btw have no issue in considering myself an addict but chords what do you mean you saw that I was one when I first joined? 

You can also download onto your phone for free.

Shnitz as an aside. You mentioned you acted out bc you where in a bad situation that you could not control, just curious, was your phone part of your acting out? Because that is something you can control. 

Also I have found that if we really want we could  have more control then we would like to believe. Sometimes we like to believe we have no say that way we have a semi excuse to act out.

i don't kno if any of this applies to you, and it would be near impossible to know, which is again the downside of a annonymous forum, when people write what they did or what happened, it tends to be half the story. Not that people are trying to lie, it's just not possible for a person to truly give over his life situation over a forum.

On what cords said re: it being helpful for all. I have not read the white book, but I have listened to all of dovs talks, and to may from Sandy Beach of AA and I have found many of the ideas helpful even though I'm not in SA.
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