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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 19309 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 10 Mar 2019 06:52 #339501

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Whatever it is, wishing you a speedy recovery.

Wishing me a speedy recovery back to normalcy as well.

Hope yours goes better than mine.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: A struggling bochur 10 Mar 2019 17:09 #339513

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doingtshuva wrote on 06 Mar 2019 21:27:

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 05 Mar 2019 06:06:
@hakol hevel I didn't read inappropriate stuff on Shabbos... It's just a lead up..

And @doing teshuvah for you personally making a shaua won't work however for me amongst others it does work, and the proof is, the only way I stopped acting out after the past two falls was through the shavua...

Great, you should do and continue to do everything that helps you.
I didn't say anything against a Shvua, just in my experience it holds you back for a limited time.
In the beginning that is what we do but in the future you will understand what I mean.

Good luck!

reading this thread I was thinking the same thing. As long as the counting is motivating you keep it up I guess it isn't bad. When that engine burns out though there are other benefits of remaining in recovery. 

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Mar 2019 05:03 #339609

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Day 10 after that roller coaster...

I was thinking maybe the reason I keep falling and not hitting high numbers like my first streak of 140 days was because I wasn't communicating with the chevrah here and gye friends off this site...

So plan is to be talking to guys every few days iyh
Feel free to pm me
"The 30 sec enjoyment ain't worth the 30 day depression which comes right after it!"

ולכן אל יפול לב אדם וכו' גם אם יהיה כן   כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 13 Mar 2019 12:07 #339612

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 13 Mar 2019 05:03:
Day 10 after that roller coaster...

I was thinking maybe the reason I keep falling and not hitting high numbers like my first streak of 140 days was because I wasn't communicating with the chevrah here and gye friends off this site...

So plan is to be talking to guys every few days iyh

Sorry to hear about your fall.

Truthfullyi think it may be something else. But before I open my big fat mouth, please can you tell us here what have you tried in the recent past? Thank you so much and good luck to us all.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 02:45 #339639

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I second troubles assertion.

I would just add, can you be more specific regarding what you think the issue is. In other words what is it that you think you need to do. From what you wrote, it sounds like you had a good mindset, had a good program, the only thing you where missing was comradery . A few text messages or pms a day to some (annonymous) friends and your back at 140 in 140 days.

If you had something else in mind (which I assume you did) please tell.

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 05:07 #339650

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I have no problem in saying the truth on this forum, I've long gotten over that... 

And yes, the only thing I had missing after my first fall was comradery.. maybe I don't have the same passion as i did when joining gye but that's about it... 

If you guys have any assumptions or ideas what I'm missing, speak up!
Feel free to pm me
"The 30 sec enjoyment ain't worth the 30 day depression which comes right after it!"

ולכן אל יפול לב אדם וכו' גם אם יהיה כן   כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 10:42 #339654

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 09 Sep 2018 03:25:
mazel tov!!

This conversation took place today between my yetzer horag (yh) and yetzer tov (yt)

Yt: wow! Wow!
Yh: what's the wow?
Yt: what do you mean? I just reached 90 days clean today on first try!
Yh: so what? you still had these lusting thoughts from time to time..
Yt: well that wasn't intentional
Yh: but your only clean based on gye's  terminology, you still subconsciously look at woman and fantasize
Yt: so what? I didn't act out for 90 days and our action is what we can control, we can't have complete and constant control over our thoughts
Yh: so many guys reached 90 days and still fell, so what are you celebrating?
Yt: tommorow is the future I'm just focusing on the present!
Yh: I still haven't given up on you
Yt: neither have i
Yh: I'll put more effort to get you to fall
Yt: and I'm counter attacking and putting much more emphasis to stay clean.
Yt: just the fact that I'm clean for 90 days consecutively, shows me that I can survive without acting out.
Yt: I'm going to tell everyone that they too can defeat you
Y"h: oh man! He's actually winning me
Y"t: great! Hopefully moshiach comes right away and hashem will shecht you finnaly so we wouldn't have to constantly fight you!

For all those that haven't read my whole thread, I'm a 22 year old single Bochur, non addict and bh just reached 90 days on first try, one day before Rh! Definitely will have a totally different Rh like never before bh!

What keeps me going is, 
1) hashem helping me out! (Miracoulsy found gye just over 3 months ago)
2)the huge desire to get rid and to put an end to this after all these years
3) the 90 day challenge, iyh my next goal is to reach 200 days clean (thanks to the advice from hhm)
4) seeing that so many normal people have this struggle and I'm not a low life for having this issue
5) people's inspiration and talking to people

Wishing all of you a sweet clean and happy year!!

Is this still your program?
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 14:36 #339665

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Yes, all I was missing was number 5.
Feel free to pm me
"The 30 sec enjoyment ain't worth the 30 day depression which comes right after it!"

ולכן אל יפול לב אדם וכו' גם אם יהיה כן   כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 16:12 #339673

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 14 Mar 2019 14:36:
Yes, all I was missing was number 5.

Great. Glad to hear you got it all worked out. Wish I did......
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 19:59 #339687

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I'm not sure what your trying to get to...

Point is, I didn't say I have it worked out.. i was just trying to figure out why i keep on falling after a long streak, and I am assuming it's got to do with me not communicating with gye friends.. that's it, only an assumption..
Feel free to pm me
"The 30 sec enjoyment ain't worth the 30 day depression which comes right after it!"

ולכן אל יפול לב אדם וכו' גם אם יהיה כן   כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 20:32 #339688

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 14 Mar 2019 19:59:
I'm not sure what your trying to get to...

Point is, I didn't say I have it worked out.. i was just trying to figure out why i keep on falling after a long streak, and I am assuming it's got to do with me not communicating with gye friends.. that's it, only an assumption..

What I've seen and heard here is that there comes a point where a person here needs to "graduate" to a real recovery program, something that perhaps is a bit of a challenge, something that might not be so comfortable, but something that will actually make a difference.

I don't know if you're at that stage yet, but I think that the question should probably be asked.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Mar 2019 21:54 #339690

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My observation following your posts etc. Has been that you seemed to believe this is something that you can  get "healed" from and not have to think about to much. That is why once you found yourself being clean for a substantial amount of days, you would for the most part disappear from public view and gye. 

SO I think your not talking to people (the number 5 referenced above) was just a outgrowth of that belief.

In my life, as much as i would like to graduate and consider myself healed from my bad habit, I suspect it will always be lurking there in the corner. I spent to much time with it, for it to disappear in a mere 90 days. 

That is why I am always trying to do things recovery related which of course include being in touch with people, but that alone is not the end game. The end game is constantly thinking about recovery, never getting complacent. And being in touch with people and posting/responding on the forum has kept me always involved.

And to reiterate what trouble said, after seeing youself fall a few times after being on gye for a while, it might be time to take another uncomfortable step. 

I could be wrong, I was wrong once before (till i found out I was mistaken:)

Hatzlocho

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Mar 2019 05:10 #339700

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Seems like people misunderstood my posts.. when I joined gye I thought my issues will like magically go away.. but learnt pretty quickly that I'll have this fight my whole life, which was pretty hard to accept then..

I went off gye for a while simply because I wanted to have less urges to fight, and coming on to gye was doing the opposite being that I get triggered from small things, but not in a million years was my intention to fool myself in thinking that I'm good to go and I've recovered. 

Now, I did consider going to live meetings, however I decided to give gye a extra shot, so I made a shvuah and it worked wonders till it expired.. so now I have another shavua in place and guess what my filter is currently broken so technically I can access inappropriate stuff in 5 sec but my shavua is stopping me.. 

Point is, do I have to go to live meetings even though before gye I acted out 3 times a day and since joining gye only fell on 4 days, and that's 4 days out of 280 days!!

Time will tell..
Feel free to pm me
"The 30 sec enjoyment ain't worth the 30 day depression which comes right after it!"

ולכן אל יפול לב אדם וכו' גם אם יהיה כן   כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Mar 2019 11:01 #339701

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I agree you have been doing great! However if the initial steps you took have worn off it is time to seek out something more.

Reaching out and being involved with real people could have a positive affect, by refreshing the right perspective towards lust, gaining new insights, and most of all coming out of hiding. That could be done without joining SA. 
Aka -  Mischadeish075
 
 

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Mar 2019 12:50 #339702

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 15 Mar 2019 05:10:
Seems like people misunderstood my posts.. when I joined gye I thought my issues will like magically go away.. but learnt pretty quickly that I'll have this fight my whole life, which was pretty hard to accept then..

I went off gye for a while simply because I wanted to have less urges to fight, and coming on to gye was doing the opposite being that I get triggered from small things, but not in a million years was my intention to fool myself in thinking that I'm good to go and I've recovered. 

Now, I did consider going to live meetings, however I decided to give gye a extra shot, so I made a shvuah and it worked wonders till it expired.. so now I have another shavua in place and guess what my filter is currently broken so technically I can access inappropriate stuff in 5 sec but my shavua is stopping me.. 

Point is, do I have to go to live meetings even though before gye I acted out 3 times a day and since joining gye only fell on 4 days, and that's 4 days out of 280 days!!

Time will tell..

Firstly, I don't think anyone mentioned you should join sa or go to meetings; just that self-changing steps should be taken. People mistakenly thing that posting on forum is included in that. While it is beneficial and may be very productive for some, it may not alter one's inner being.

Secondly, although those numbers are very commendable and you, your friends, family and God are certainly very proud, that may not be an indicator of any lust decreasing powers within us. Case in point, I have been technically sober for years, but I am in a week-long funk of lusting 24/7. As long as I know that lust is significantly impacting my life in a detrimental way, I cannot rest on my laurels; it is not a cause for celebration, although I haven't stroked or touched.

Now, all this may not be relevant for you at all. And if that's the case, that's fine as well, for after all, I am only Trouble.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....
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