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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 75875 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 05:21 #337264

...או יש לומר באופן אחר קצת
"Thousands of bochurim in my boat" meaning just like me they struggle but still fight and succeed most times and work their way to recovery, so it's a positive thing too
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 15 Nov 2018 05:22 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 06:01 #337267

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btw that pic wasn't made about the. It was made by US for our very own R' SHNITZEL!
Last Edit: 15 Nov 2018 06:02 by דרך ישר. Reason: spelling

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 09:22 #337268

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 15 Nov 2018 05:17:
I look at it differently. "There are thousands of bochurim in my boat" which is a fact, sad but true.

"And I took a great step coming here" which is a fact, very positive, and lucky me, especially due to the fact that there are thousands which struggle but dont make it to gye and I will keep it up iyh. So thanks gibbor210

...הכל הולך אחר החיתום

I agree that it's a story with a happy ending. But I also think that if out there there are thousands of people like us then the way we raise kids at home and train kids in school needs to change. I don't know how it should change.

It's a well-known concept in manufacturing that if your factory puts out 20% product which is not to spec, day in and day out, then your manufacturing process needs to be tweaked.

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 19:56 #337285

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Although you're point may be true about the we raise our kids. and maybe there should be some sort of "education" in schools at 12-14 years old to see if it's possible to refer kids to therapy early instead of them getting here 5,10,20,50 years later. However you're metaphor is not necessarily accurate because it is only true if it's competitors are doing 2% bad however if it's competitors are all doing 50% bad, then they have no reason to change.As a matter of fact it may just be a sign that it's a very tough industry and therefore no one will ever get it perfect. Especially if it's a industry with mass production and large volumes.  Therefore in our case it may just be that it's unprecedented massive nisayon and maybe 20% ( although i do think that number is very high) isn't such a bad rate in the circumstances. I am not saying that anything that can be done shouldn't be , however the fact that there are a certain amount of casualties isn't in itself a proof that something is being done wrong.

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 20:20 #337289

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דרך ישר wrote on 15 Nov 2018 19:56:
Although you're point may be true about the we raise our kids. and maybe there should be some sort of "education" in schools at 12-14 years old to see if it's possible to refer kids to therapy early instead of them getting here 5,10,20,50 years later. However you're metaphor is not necessarily accurate because it is only true if it's competitors are doing 2% bad however if it's competitors are all doing 50% bad, then they have no reason to change.As a matter of fact it may just be a sign that it's a very tough industry and therefore no one will ever get it perfect. Especially if it's a industry with mass production and large volumes.  Therefore in our case it may just be that it's unprecedented massive nisayon and maybe 20% ( although i do think that number is very high) isn't such a bad rate in the circumstances. I am not saying that anything that can be done shouldn't be , however the fact that there are a certain amount of casualties isn't in itself a proof that something is being done wrong.

Something is definitely wrong because we are still not zoche to have moshiach. I rest my case.

But I would agree that there may be no quick fix.

I view the holocaust as the quick fix to klal israel's fascination with the nations of the world, and if that's the quick fix maybe we're better off doing what we are doing.

That's why it's depressing.

Re: A struggling bochur 16 Nov 2018 04:50 #337297

Day 18!
!עם ישראל חי
Even though we may fall and slip sometimes, us Jews are alive and standing strong! 

Good Shabbos,
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 16 Nov 2018 04:51 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 16 Nov 2018 06:44 #337298

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איני יודע בודאי למה לא בא משיח אבל עי' חפץ חיים בהקדמה שמאריך שאם בית המקקדש נחרב בשביל עון שנאת חנם לא יבנה רק כשנתקן ענין שנאת חנם. וזה בודאי אין לו שום קשר עם עוונות העברו של החבורה הקדושה דידן שהוא ברובא בין אדם למקום ולהיפך כל הGYE  הוא קידוש השם גדולה של אהבת חנם שאין כמוהו שכמעט כולם לא יודעים מי עוזר להם בכל דבר ואף מי הוא המשתדלין לעשות את כל האתר ולסדר הכל והכל בלי שם, וכל זה לכאו' הוא אהבת חנם ממש כן ירבו.
In regards to the holocaust....that sounds basically like the opinion of rabbi miller ZT''L and other gedolim hoever many others disagreed . However again that isn;t related at all to GYE MEMBERS ISSUES. So to sum it up no reason to get depressed

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Nov 2018 20:38 #337334

Just want to say, that I feel it extremely hard to talk openly to people and I still find it hard to talk to my rav.

I find it difficult to even book a session with my therapist as i know I'll have to be open and honest with him. After I my past session I was wondering to myself why on Earth was I so open, all because I'm not used to it.

 Since I've trained myself all these years to hold my problems in me, doing the opposite is extremely emotionally draining but at the same time, this is the only way to solve my issues.

I'm saying this to let out some steam and for those that think if only they had an easy time like shnitzel to open up, they would of done it, therefore I'm stressing it wasn't and isn't easy. 

Wishing myself to stay strong in being honest. 
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 18 Nov 2018 20:57 #337335

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Nov 2018 20:38:
Just want to say, that I feel it extremely hard to talk openly to people and I still find it hard to talk to my rav.

I find it difficult to even book a session with my therapist as i know I'll have to be open and honest with him. After I my past session I was wondering to myself why on Earth was I so open, all because I'm not used to it.

 Since I've trained myself all these years to hold my problems in me, doing the opposite is extremely emotionally draining but at the same time, this is the only way to solve my issues.

I'm saying this to let out some steam and for those that think if only they had an easy time like shnitzel to open up, they would of done it, therefore I'm stressing it wasn't and isn't easy. 

Wishing myself to stay strong in being honest. 

Maybe some in-person meetings where you share?

Re: A struggling bochur 23 Nov 2018 05:04 #337417

Time flies... Back to day 25 bh! Good Shabbos to all!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 25 Nov 2018 07:12 #337457

Gut voch to all,

Currently having huge urges to act out, what's stopping me? Acountability! 

The fact I have a forum which I update and my therapist that keeps tab on me..
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 25 Nov 2018 07:33 #337458

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18 year old bochur clean for 160 days. But the urges come every single day

Re: A struggling bochur 25 Nov 2018 19:04 #337481

That's amazing!! 

Can you please share with us some tips what helps you stay clean?
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Dec 2018 06:05 #337816

Shnitzel is still alive bh

I've never been so emotionally free in my life, thanks to my great therapist and his amazing method! 

I joined gye 6 months ago and only acted out on 2 days, pretty amazing!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochuri 16 Dec 2018 15:56 #337848

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Been where you are trying to get back up I'm 23 been trying to stop since I realized it was bad for my soul ever since I was 16
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