Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

A struggling bochur
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: A struggling bochur 75876 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Nov 2018 02:29 #337065

Thanks hhm for the encouragement! 

I must say my decision to not be on my phone after a certain time by night, really helps!
I've also made extra chavrusah's so I have much less time to feel the urges bh, I even have to find the time to go on gye lol

Boredom was what caused me last time to fall..
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Nov 2018 02:58 #337066

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 154
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 07 Nov 2018 02:29:
Thanks hhm for the encouragement! 

I must say my decision to not be on my phone after a certain time by night, really helps!
I've also made extra chavrusah's so I have much less time to feel the urges bh, I even have to find the time to go on gye lol

Boredom was what caused me last time to fall..

For me, boredom or down time as I called it, was (is?) a huge cause of acting out. My brain wanders 'there' when it's not occupied.

Hatzlacha on your session tomorrow. It an be scary opening yourself up to a stranger, but remember that he's already heard and met people in the same situation, so you won't be shocking him with your story.
I don't know if you can be a "free man emotionally" in the first visit, but iy'H it's a big step forward.

Kol tuv
sg
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Nov 2018 05:55 #337068

  • gyehelp2017
  • Current streak: 635 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 175
  • Karma: 8
I think that by now you should really change this topic name from "struggling bochur" to "amazing bochur". Your daily posts show more and more what an amazing fellow you are. Nothing will stand in your way for recovery. No matter how hard things are, you stay focused on your 'amazing' journey. You should have lots of hatzlucha in therapy,  and may continue inspiring us for many years to come!!!!

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Nov 2018 06:11 #337069

  • דרך ישר
  • Current streak: 18 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 62
  • Karma: 2
Good luck with the therapist! Be''h togrther you should be able to get rid of all that's bohering you and keep on growing for many many years with a בית נאמן בישראל לשם ולתפארת

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Nov 2018 18:58 #337075

Thanks for the feedback everyone! 
@gyehelp2017 I love your suggestion, the name though "a struggling bochur" is a big catch for new bochurim that join and they can benefit by getting different ideas.  

Anyhow I just went today to my therapist, it was very easy opening up to him, as I've gotten over that fear. I had no problem telling him all my side issues I've always pushed aside. 

Tachlis he told me not to start dating till I've fully recovered in all areas. My Rav doesn't know all my side issues (and doesn't need to either, he isn't a therapist after all) and I'm sure when I tell him my therapist doesn't exactly encourage me starting for the next while, he'll definitely side with him.

My rav I use for spiritual help, and therapist for emotional help.

Anyhow got to run and learn. Hatslocho to all! 
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 09 Nov 2018 06:45 #337112

Day 11 (+140)
Back up and standing strong again bh!
...ירידה זו לצורך עליה

Good Shabbos to all!
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 09 Nov 2018 21:00 #337124

I love the attitude! Remember that for MOST PEOPLE the path to lasting freedom consists of falling and getting back up, again and again. 
If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time 

"Think good and it will be good!"

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Nov 2018 06:36 #337234

Some shnitzel updates:

So I finally pinpointed with the help of my therapist why I was turning to porn, why I felt that emptiness, unfulfillment, resentment etc

Part of what we do is "emotions release" which is basically me putting my hands in a certain way, saying that I'm holding a specific negetive emotion in my hands and I choose to throw it away, and put my hands behind my head as if I'm shaking it off.

First time he told me to do it, I felt like I'm sitting high up in the Indian mountains next to a guru, and following his religion. But it really works and I've checked it up, it's fine according to Torah too.. it doesn't stem from ע"ז

And mainly it works, it gives me a headache instantly which is a sign of energy being released, but point is my urges have decreased by literally 80%, I guess that emptiness and voidness is being filled up other ways, as the negetive feeling causing me to wanna act out have had a big chunk of it cut out. 

Hope I make sense, the therapy makes me quite moody and feelings go up and down. 
P.s. I finally found a geshmake profile pic
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Nov 2018 12:32 #337241

  • Gevura Shebyesod
  • Current streak: 2770 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3951
  • Karma: 448
When life hands you lemons, make...


...Shnitzel!!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Nov 2018 19:55 #337252

  • stillgoing
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1689
  • Karma: 154
Your pic is great, but who ate the kugel?
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: A struggling bochur 14 Nov 2018 22:04 #337253

  • gibbor120
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
  • Posts: 5250
  • Karma: 165
Welcome!  There are thousands of bachurim in your boat.  You took a great step by coming here.  Keep it up.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 01:48 #337257

  • mzl
  • Current streak: 28 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 996
gibbor120 wrote on 14 Nov 2018 22:04:
Welcome!  There are thousands of bachurim in your boat.  You took a great step by coming here.  Keep it up.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

There'a a depressing thought.

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 04:13 #337261

What's a depressing thought?
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 05:04 #337262

  • mzl
  • Current streak: 28 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 996
Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 15 Nov 2018 04:13:
What's a depressing thought?

Thousands of people in that boat.

Re: A struggling bochur 15 Nov 2018 05:17 #337263

I look at it differently. "There are thousands of bochurim in my boat" which is a fact, sad but true.

"And I took a great step coming here" which is a fact, very positive, and lucky me, especially due to the fact that there are thousands which struggle but dont make it to gye and I will keep it up iyh. So thanks gibbor210

...הכל הולך אחר החיתום
Joined as a single bochur, Bh broke free (but still on watch) by using the tools on this website, therapy but mainly through getting married. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Time to create page: 0.58 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes