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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 45889 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 17:08 #336883

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 31 Oct 2018 16:33:
Bh day (140+) #2

Someone posted here on the forums just before Rh that during the blowing of the shofar it's a good idea to take a resolution in this area. 

I did that and asked the eibishter to help stay clean for an additional 50 days. I had in mind to reach 250 days, 50 more then my goal I made after reaching 90 days which was to hit 200 days. But i guess he took it differently and I ended up staying clean for 140 days, 50 days more then 90, I reached 90 days on erev Rh. Just realized this.

...אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו

My Rebbi used to say, "Be careful what you Daven for, you might get it".
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 17:56 #336884

mzl wrote on 31 Oct 2018 16:43:

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 31 Oct 2018 16:33:
Bh day (140+) #2

Someone posted here on the forums just before Rh that during the blowing of the shofar it's a good idea to take a resolution in this area. 

I did that and asked the eibishter to help stay clean for an additional 50 days. I had in mind to reach 250 days, 50 more then my goal I made after reaching 90 days which was to hit 200 days. But i guess he took it differently and I ended up staying clean for 140 days, 50 days more then 90, I reached 90 days on erev Rh. Just realized this.

...אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו

That's brilliant, thank you.

You have to ask yourself why you didn't request 10,000 days though. It's an important question.

תפסת מרובה לא תפסת..

Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2018 01:47 #336890

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WOW!!!!
That's really a amazing story and really brings out how Hashem is always with us ( even if wish we would have seen it on a more positive note)
This is a great story to post in my HASHGACHA PRATIS thread under testimonials section. Can you please do that, because i think it's a huge chizuk when we see (and are מתבונן) into these types of stories.
sorry dont know how to send links

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2018 14:49 #336903

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Dear S&K, I think the hasgacha pratis that you saw is a direct outcome of your real honesty,  its amazing to watch this kind of honesty on a daily basis.
Talking about being honest, I can tell you personally that your daily posting gives me lots of chizak, and I am sure that many others too, you are really amazing. 
Keep it up!!!!!  ODAAT!

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2018 17:55 #336912

דרך ישר wrote on 01 Nov 2018 01:47:
WOW!!!!
That's really a amazing story and really brings out how Hashem is always with us ( even if wish we would have seen it on a more positive note)
This is a great story to post in my HASHGACHA PRATIS thread under testimonials section. Can you please do that, because i think it's a huge chizuk when we see (and are מתבונן) into these types of stories.
sorry dont know how to send links

Just posted it on your thread. 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Nov 2018 17:57 #336913

gyehelp2017 wrote on 01 Nov 2018 14:49:
Dear S&K, I think the hasgacha pratis that you saw is a direct outcome of your real honesty,  its amazing to watch this kind of honesty on a daily basis.
Talking about being honest, I can tell you personally that your daily posting gives me lots of chizak, and I am sure that many others too, you are really amazing. 
Keep it up!!!!!  ODAAT!

Thank you for the chizuk!

Bh day (140+) #3
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 05 Nov 2018 18:29 #337020

Day (140+)7

Just wondering if there's any point in doing the 90 day chart again?

If I've managed to stay clean longer then 90 days, then according to the scientific study I've changed my addiction pattern. If so, even if have fallen after 90 days that doesn't necessarily indicate I'm addicted, so what would be the point of hitting 90 as part of the chart?

and if falling after 90 days does show my bad habbit, then obviously the 90 day challenge didn't achieve it's goal. 

Obviously I'm still going to still fight to stay clean, but not necessarily making my goal specifically 90 days.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 05 Nov 2018 18:31 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 05 Nov 2018 18:40 #337021

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 05 Nov 2018 18:29:
Day (140+)7

Just wondering if there's any point in doing the 90 day chart again?

If I've managed to stay clean longer then 90 days, then according to the scientific study I've changed my addiction pattern. If so, even if have fallen after 90 days that doesn't necessarily indicate I'm addicted, so what would be the point of hitting 90 as part of the chart?

and if falling after 90 days does show my bad habbit, then obviously the 90 day challenge didn't achieve it's goal. 

Obviously I'm still going to still fight to stay clean, but not necessarily making my goal specifically 90 days.

Great men think alike ...

Re: A struggling bochur 05 Nov 2018 20:11 #337025

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Will it help you stay clean ?

That's probably what you need to ask yourself

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 05:42 #337037

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I have't done 90 yet (at least since i joined the program) but even if logically you may be correct that it may not necessarily work. It's kedai to point out that many have posted here after going hundreds of days there is no magic in 90-although obviously the longer we abstain the weaker the urge/need becomes and there probably is something to the 90 day term-but at the end of the day even if there may noy be a "addiction" and neurological pathways have changed that still wont cancel the habits we have had over many years plus the physical pleasure we receive plus good old יצר הרע which are all working together to make us fall again, so i think overall definitely sticking to the chart adds a HUGE incentive to stay clean/not to have to start over, and as a reminder about how far we've come.Keep up the battle either way!

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 11:08 #337040

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It is very valid to ask precisely how the 90-day chart helped my particular brain.

As far as I know it can help motivation, perhaps through achievement (I am worth more because I achieved more), perhaps through competition (I am worth more because I won over others,) to defeat a thinking error that something seems too difficult (I did it therefore it can't be too difficult,) or conditioning (like always taking the same route to go to work.) There may be others.

If you already hit 90 and you are thinking about doing it again and you can't think of a reason to use 90 again, it may well be because there is no reason. After you have done it you should have processed precisely how it was helping you.

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 13:59 #337042

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For post 90 days: Using the one day at a time approach along with upcoming goals, be they Chanuka, 100 days, Rosh Chodesh etc was very helpful for me.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 14:36 #337043

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Great points made by hhm and DY I would just like to add a point. Even if you are not using it as a motivation, it's good to keep track just to see how your recovery is going. I personally do nt update every day so as not to get obssessed, but I feel it's important to keep track to see if there are patters. Bezrat hashem the only pattern you should have is staying clean.

Hatzlacha.

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 22:50 #337058

I guess doing the 90 day chart again is to keep track how I'm doing, like people pointed out. 

Iyh tomorrow I'm having my first appointment with a therapist.
Another thing opening up to my Rav helped me, was him advising me to this specific therapist who my rav can attest is good. 

So ye opening up to another person ain't easy but the only way forward and the only way to take care of all my other issues which I've buried over the years. And I can pinpoint exactly what lead me to viewing inappropriate stuff at a young age. So I'm actually excited to go to this therapist, that way I can be a free man emotionally.
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Nov 2018 22:53 #337060

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You are one brave and focused fellow. Iyh your wife will be one lucky person.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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