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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 30501 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Jun 2018 18:35 #332782

  • danann@
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For me personally they're not much different regarding what situations I act out in, and the recovery tools too

For me it has nothing to do with someone being married / single / divorced / drunk / yeshivish bres-lover / trump-hater... did I miss anyone?


yup! me! i'm sephardi and yes the tools aren't that much different 

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Jun 2018 19:38 #332785

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danann@ wrote on 28 Jun 2018 18:35:


For me personally they're not much different regarding what situations I act out in, and the recovery tools too

For me it has nothing to do with someone being married / single / divorced / drunk / yeshivish bres-lover / trump-hater... did I miss anyone?


yup! me! i'm sephardi and yes the tools aren't that much different 

Markz, how do we link this thread to the African slonim one?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Jun 2018 03:38 #332796



Married guys have a different type of struggle.

For me personally they're not much different regarding what situations I act out in, and the recovery tools too

For me it has nothing to do with someone being married / single / divorced / drunk / yeshivish bres-lover / trump-hater... did I miss anyone?

From talking to married people, in which most said that marriage made it harder while some said that marriage made it easier and thinking this over I realized (cud be I'm wrong and I want to hear people's opinions) that for someone that isn't addicted marriage will make it easier, and for an addict marriage makes it harder. Because for someone that is single to stop completely is hard because for him it's completely off limits, for a married guy it is permitted sometimes which will make it easier to stop for an non addict. But for an addict he definitely will have a hard time stopping as a single and even when he's married it will still be hard to stop and by him living a double life it will destroy him, and he might lose interest in his wife etc but if he is single he isn't really living a double life and isnt  tricking a person, nor is he experiencing a relationship in which he knows the right way to use it but isn't using it right. All he knows, he's doing something wrong. 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 29 Jun 2018 05:05 #332799

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Hello happy leil shishi
Just a quick response to the points you made based on my own experience:

When I was a struggling bochur I was definately living a double life - spending large portions of the day  learning in bais medrash then going to the dorm/dirah or wherever and acting out.
As for tricking people - when speaking to parents and they would ask me  how the learning is going I felt pretty rotten saying "great BH" , when in reality it was terrible because my mind was full of tumah and I was all "depressed"
I knew the right way to have a relationship with myself and with Hashem ( probably the 2 most important relationships someone could have) but I abused it  by taking so much potential and oppertunity and squandering it for a fleeting second of false pleasure

And by the way anyone who is married was once single and completely relates to what a bochur went through and could be very helpfull - especially if he succeeded  in getting better ( even a little) as the Mesilas Yesharim says in Shar Zehirus the Mashal about the Labrynth.

All the best

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Jun 2018 07:14 #332800

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I think the reason that for an addict marriage doesn't fix the problem is that he steers his relationship to his wife so that it becomes just another expression of his disease.

I think one can tell if his marriage is like that by asking himself some questions about it (and answering honestly ...) for example "would I be just as happy in my marriage if I swapped my wife out for a different one?" and "would I be happier if I could be married to a lot of women like my wife simultaneously?" If the answer is "yes" then his wife is really just a service provider for him.

And I don't mean to disqualify marriages that don't fit a certain mold, just recognizing the difference.

Re: A struggling bochur 01 Jul 2018 07:00 #332834

Hi everyone,

Thank you all for the feedback and comments! Bh I'm currently holding at 21 days clean on the first try in the 90 day challenge. Iyh all the way to 90! 

My personal experience, that although I have a good filter etc if not for being very careful with shmiras ainayim whilst walking in the street, no way will I be able to stay clean, past few days it's getting Abit weaker by me but iyh very on top of it again!

And the fast day really means much more now, after joining gye, tonz of luck to all of you in keeping strong and feel free to email me on shnitzelandkugel@gmail.com.


Looking forward in hearing from you,

All the best,
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 02 Jul 2018 16:54 #332909

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Hey im a bochur of 20 yers old struggling. My issue is mainly on my smartphone and unfiltered internet too 

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Jul 2018 17:36 #332910

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AMEN !!

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Jul 2018 18:14 #332911

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saveme123 wrote on 02 Jul 2018 16:54:
Hey im a bochur of 20 yers old struggling. My issue is mainly on my smartphone and unfiltered internet too 

Maybe you should start with a visit to your local TAG office.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: A struggling bochur 02 Jul 2018 19:01 #332915

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Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 02 Jul 2018 18:14:

saveme123 wrote on 02 Jul 2018 16:54:
Hey im a bochur of 20 yers old struggling. My issue is mainly on my smartphone and unfiltered internet too 

Maybe you should start with a visit to your local TAG office.

TAG in Flatbush has a new standard called machane kadosh. It is foolproof. They put on the apps you need and remove the browser. If you really need a smartphone (and maybe you don't) try this new mehalech
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 05 Jul 2018 05:26 #333001

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yes I’m in the same boat I’m also a bachur and as long as I didn’t have access to the internet it was bearable but once I got home that second it was over plead help

Re: A struggling bochur 05 Jul 2018 07:14 #333003

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Perhaps you can speak to your parents about the internet at home and ask them to put filters on. If you're not comfortable telling them why, tell them that your yeshiva has warned about the dangers of the internet and you don't want to have that nisayon.

השלך על השם יהבך והוא יכלכלך
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Re: A struggling bochur 05 Jul 2018 20:25 #333013

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same with me also a baucher with this problem maybe we can email 


polandtours1@gmail.com

Re: A struggling bochur 06 Jul 2018 16:31 #333040

So bh the week went by very quickly and also was I'm still clean! 26 days and odaat! Although ive had wet dreams, I still don't give in because that's not my fault at all. Before I joined gye every time I had a wet dream that was just an excuse to mastrubate on purpose but after joining gye I realized if I didnt cause it to happen then it ain't my fault. Keep strong everyone and good Shabbos to all!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 06 Jul 2018 17:07 #333045

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Hi wet dreams are normal they Are supposed to happen while you are recovering here i copied and pasted a post by "hashem help me" on the matter

"When the subconscious mind starts to realize that you have made a decision not to watch pornography anymore, it rebels. It wants the "drug." It wants that rush of adrenaline and raised heartbeat.

Therefore, when it is in charge - when you are sleeping, half awake, or very spaced out - it will take over and flood your head with images in your memory and cause wet dreams. Ignore all of this completely. It actually means you are winning the war and the subconscious is desperate. It is on the attack. It wants you to feel dirty and evil after the wet dream - but nothing could be farther from the truth!"

I hope you find this helpful. Have a great day.
Important quote from Cordnoy
"The need is a perceived one. There has not been one reported case on these pages of a death occurrin' on account of not fulfillin' that need

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.” 

"My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last."

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