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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 46238 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 10:54 #336786

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Hey Shnitzel sorry to hear you got fried

Thanks for sharing and KUTGW!!
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Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 11:22 #336787

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Great attitude. Sorry to hear about the fall. In these situations the proper attitude helps to make sure that you dont continue acting out. It can be compared to someone climbing a mountain. As can be expected there are ditches and downhills on the way up. If one falls in to a ditch it does not mean he fell off the mountain! Instead he should bandage his wounds and while doing so take a look at the view and recognize how high up he already is. Of course he should try to plan how to avoid future injuries. (Obviously it would be foolish at that point to give up and roll down the mountain).   As you yourself wrote, BH you showed yourself that "it can be done". Your actions and thought processes are healthy and on track. As you take stock of where you are and plan ahead, celebrate your accomplishment, and as you shake off the dust and start to continue the climb, enjoy the scenery. Hatzlocha.
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Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 13:09 #336794

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20 weeks ! Big accomplishment for the 1st time - you should be even more successful this time around.

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 13:39 #336796

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a-men i-man ...

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 17:28 #336806

Ok so get back up was tough, I fell a few more times, to combat that I'm turning off the internet off my phone and turn it on only when I need it. And to put my phone away after a certain time by night, and no browsing randomly on the internet for no reason, despite me having webchaver, cuz boredom is what caused my to fall last night. 

So odaat, day 1
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 29 Oct 2018 18:55 #336807

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 29 Oct 2018 17:28:
Ok so get back up was tough, I fell a few more times, to combat that I'm turning off the internet off my phone and turn it on only when I need it. And to put my phone away after a certain time by night, and no browsing randomly on the internet for no reason, despite me having webchaver, cuz boredom is what caused my to fall last night. 

So odaat, day 1

I'm happy that you sound like you're on top of it.

Re: A struggling bochur 30 Oct 2018 00:05 #336814

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 29 Oct 2018 17:28:
Ok so get back up was tough, I fell a few more times, to combat that I'm turning off the internet off my phone and turn it on only when I need it. And to put my phone away after a certain time by night, and no browsing randomly on the internet for no reason, despite me having webchaver, cuz boredom is what caused my to fall last night. 

So odaat, day 1

Hey I didn't realize your phone was unfiltered. Webchaver for me is simply a fence. Which only makes it harder to find inapropriate content, just makes the hunt more interesting... 

Its not a brick wall. Whitelisting as I have on my phone, IS a brick wall which I can't circumvent. 

This is - If you're not an addict (whatever that means - go figure :-)

Keep us posted bro!!
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Re: A struggling bochur 30 Oct 2018 02:15 #336820

Everyone needs to be honest with themselves whether they need a filter. Webchaver was fine for me the past 140 days and iyh from now on. A filter wouldn't block that website, cuz its not an inappropriate site. 

Whitelist won't work for me cuz I need different websites at different times for positive things. And therefore I'm limiting my internet usage now to the barest minimum. 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 30 Oct 2018 04:10 #336836

Keep on inspiring Klal Yisroel!!

People with such positive attitudes like yourself are the yezter haras worst enemies. You are a different person then when you started this journey!

in actuality your are at Day 140 (+1). The growth you did to get to 140 hasnt gone anywhere. as soon as you pick yourself back up you will see that you are that much better at this because you've practiced this already for 140 days.

I am super confident you can put the y''h to shame on this one.

Keep Trucking!!!

Re: A struggling bochur 30 Oct 2018 11:07 #336842

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 23 Oct 2018 02:57:
Day 135 on first try!

But that's not really what's special about today, the good move I did tonight is probably worth more than my 135 days of sobriety. 

Since I switched yeshivas my former person rav isn't so accessible so I basically went over to a new Rav/mashpia in my Yeshivah and said "שלום עליכם" this is my name and I want you to be my mashpia/personal Rav and this is my main issue etc, it took me a whole week to get myself to go over.. I was hesitant maybe I should, maybe not etc

I was literally shaking and changing colors as I was telling him about my struggles, he was familiar with gye, not surprising, he told me one of his talmidim is getting divorced because of it... Very sad...

Anyhow me opening up to a real person which knows my true identity and face, is life changing, he told me to go into shiduchim based on my situation and my sobriety, so iyh hopefully it'll be a smooth process in finding the "right one". 

In his words: give yourself a tap on the back for opening up to me and for being clean for so long". 

I would also like to give a big shout-out and huge thank you to מלאך רפאל on this site, which goes by the name of "it only gets better" he really helped me out and encouraged me, hence a malach helping me get cured!!!! And to all those other who help me, if you think I meant you, then your right, cuz Its too many to spell out

Hey!!malach refoel, thats a name I did not expect!!!! Thanks for your inspiration too, on to day #79 on first try!!

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 01:54 #336862

Realestatemogul wrote on 30 Oct 2018 04:10:
Keep on inspiring Klal Yisroel!!

People with such positive attitudes like yourself are the yezter haras worst enemies. You are a different person then when you started this journey!

in actuality your are at Day 140 (+1). The growth you did to get to 140 hasnt gone anywhere. as soon as you pick yourself back up you will see that you are that much better at this because you've practiced this already for 140 days.

I am super confident you can put the y''h to shame on this one.

Keep Trucking!!!

I like that point of yours (140+) 1! And like hhm will say "a ditch high up in the mountain"

So today is bh #day (140+)1, I'm back up full force, with the will to keep fighting! 

I didn't realize my Rav is an expert in this field, today I spoke with him again, it wasn't easy to (I was even to embarrassed to tell him I fell two days ago) but it's worth the 20 min uncomfortable conversation for the 20 relieved days that follows after opening up. 

He has a guy he knows who's a therapist, he directed me to go to him, he said i shouldn't wait once I'm a choson to go for therapy. He even arranged a nice discount for me! How special! 

And I definitely feel different this time day 1 then when I started day 1 on first try. I know I escaped and not locked up anymore into acting out without zero control.

That's all I have to say. Hatslocho to all!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 03:00 #336864

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 31 Oct 2018 01:54:

Realestatemogul wrote on 30 Oct 2018 04:10:
Keep on inspiring Klal Yisroel!!

People with such positive attitudes like yourself are the yezter haras worst enemies. You are a different person then when you started this journey!

in actuality your are at Day 140 (+1). The growth you did to get to 140 hasnt gone anywhere. as soon as you pick yourself back up you will see that you are that much better at this because you've practiced this already for 140 days.

I am super confident you can put the y''h to shame on this one.

Keep Trucking!!!

I like that point of yours (140+) 1! And like hhm will say "a ditch high up in the mountain"

So today is bh #day (140+)1, I'm back up full force, with the will to keep fighting! 

I didn't realize my Rav is an expert in this field, today I spoke with him again, it wasn't easy to (I was even to embarrassed to tell him I fell two days ago) but it's worth the 20 min uncomfortable conversation for the 20 relieved days that follows after opening up. 

He has a guy he knows who's a therapist, he directed me to go to him, he said i shouldn't wait once I'm a choson to go for therapy. He even arranged a nice discount for me! How special! 

And I definitely feel different this time day 1 then when I started day 1 on first try. I know I escaped and not locked up anymore into acting out without zero control.

That's all I have to say. Hatslocho to all!

Wow!

Thats amazing!!!!!!!

Thats all I have to say :-)
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Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 14:14 #336873

Lol markz
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 16:33 #336878

Bh day (140+) #2

Someone posted here on the forums just before Rh that during the blowing of the shofar it's a good idea to take a resolution in this area. 

I did that and asked the eibishter to help stay clean for an additional 50 days. I had in mind to reach 250 days, 50 more then my goal I made after reaching 90 days which was to hit 200 days. But i guess he took it differently and I ended up staying clean for 140 days, 50 days more then 90, I reached 90 days on erev Rh. Just realized this.

...אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 31 Oct 2018 16:43 #336879

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 31 Oct 2018 16:33:
Bh day (140+) #2

Someone posted here on the forums just before Rh that during the blowing of the shofar it's a good idea to take a resolution in this area. 

I did that and asked the eibishter to help stay clean for an additional 50 days. I had in mind to reach 250 days, 50 more then my goal I made after reaching 90 days which was to hit 200 days. But i guess he took it differently and I ended up staying clean for 140 days, 50 days more then 90, I reached 90 days on erev Rh. Just realized this.

...אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו

That's brilliant, thank you.

You have to ask yourself why you didn't request 10,000 days though. It's an important question.
Last Edit: 31 Oct 2018 16:44 by mzl.
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