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MY PATH TO SANITY
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TOPIC: MY PATH TO SANITY 41946 Views

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 06 Oct 2019 02:29 #344022

  • lionking
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I fell last night. I woke up in middle of the night so aroused and had a difficult time controlling myself. It didn't help that my wife is currently not mutar for an extended period of time. Might have been an after effect of thursday night surfing.

It is scary to see how the YH can lead someone off. I started Thursday night, looking up a pshat in a certain gemora, got in to a article which tied in the gemora with historical science, which let me to a wiki page on ancient Greek culture, and then to a Medical journal which I shouldn't have been reading. I haven't surfed the web like that in a while. I try to be disciplined and browse only what I need at the moment.

Friday night fall was very hard for me. Shabbos is usually an easy day for me. I haven't acted out on a Shabbos in years. It is not any Shabbos, it is also the first Shabbos of the year, and Shabbos Teshuva.

I felt extremely bad Shabbos morning. It was extremely hard for me to just move on. I so wanted to wallow in sorrow and be depressed.

B"H I didn't. The YH would've wanted me to do that, so I shouldn't learn or daven. I'm humbled by the experience and tzurbruchin, but also I'm glad Hashem has given me the ability to connect with him and IY"H do teshuva.

I saw a vort today from the Baal Shem Tov ZT"L, Yosef Hatzadik tells his Brothers, ואתה
אל תעצבו כי למחיה שלחני, they shouldn't get בעצבות from averios, כי למחיה שלחני, Hashem allowed a person to sin for a purpose. I just hope and pray that I should be able to serve Hashem in all circumstances.

Git Voch and a Gmar Chasima Tova
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 06 Oct 2019 02:58 #344025

  • Hashem Help Me
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I hope you realize that only a great man can submit a post like the one you posted. It displays courage, humility, determination, resilience, and great depth. You are a real inspiration for so many of us here. B'ezras Hashem when this battle of our generation is won, you will be on the front lines of victory. Sorry to hear of this fall, but maybe now you can show others how to move on and upwards despite it. Gut voch chaver.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 06 Oct 2019 03:23 #344027

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Markz wrote on 06 Oct 2019 00:18:
I noticed the title of your thread, and then...

lionking wrote on 24 Sep 2019 11:56:

Life is extremely stressful. I'm balancing tons of projects and not eating or sleeping normally the last few weeks. 



Sounds like a “Path To inSanity”
Idk how I’d survive like this...

What has helped me along the path was to follow the GPS, G-d's Planning System. Keep on recalculating what does Hashem want me to do.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 06 Oct 2019 03:29 #344028

  • lionking
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 06 Oct 2019 02:58:
I hope you realize that only a great man can submit a post like the one you posted. It displays courage, humility, determination, resilience, and great depth. You are a real inspiration for so many of us here. B'ezras Hashem when this battle of our generation is won, you will be on the front lines of victory. Sorry to hear of this fall, but maybe now you can show others how to move on and upwards despite it. Gut voch chaver.

I don't feel like a great man, rather a broken one. It was difficult for me to post. Outwardly I'm going on and leading a normal life, however במסתרים תבכה נפשי. 
Thanks for the Chizuk, You are amazing!
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 06 Oct 2019 22:50 #344059

  • Markz
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lionking wrote on 06 Oct 2019 03:23:

Markz wrote on 06 Oct 2019 00:18:
I noticed the title of your thread, and then...

lionking wrote on 24 Sep 2019 11:56:

Life is extremely stressful. I'm balancing tons of projects and not eating or sleeping normally the last few weeks. 




Sounds like a “Path To inSanity”
Idk how I’d survive like this...

What has helped me along the path was to follow the GPS, G-d's Planning System. Keep on recalculating what does Hashem want me to do.

LK we met once and I’ll be in your neck of the woods again sometime soon iyH 

Have you upgraded recently? Did you turn 40?
How in the world do you know what G-d wants?
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Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 07 Oct 2019 09:24 #344075

  • lionking
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Markz, I owe you a ton for being there for me and encouraging me to open to people.
Looking forward to your visit, (will fit you in, in between catching my breath...)
I BH don't age so quickly, and I wouldn't know what Hashem wants even by 40. I do recharge my batteries from time to time, and I'm constantly recalculating.
Gmar Tov
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 07 Oct 2019 16:18 #344081

  • Markz
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lionking wrote on 07 Oct 2019 09:24:
Markz, I owe you a ton for being there for me and encouraging me to open to people.
Looking forward to your visit, (will fit you in, in between catching my breath...)
I BH don't age so quickly, and I wouldn't know what Hashem wants even by 40. I do recharge my batteries from time to time, and I'm constantly recalculating.
Gmar Tov

I didn’t see ‘my breath’ post on the forum yet, is he an anon-anon?
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Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 08 Oct 2019 15:52 #344122

  • lionking
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I would like to ask forgiveness from anyone I might have offended. If anyone bears a grudge on me, please reach out to me privately.
Thanks!
A Gmar Tov everyone. May we all be Zoche to a year of Yeshios, Slicha, Mechila and Hatzlacha in all inyonim.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 02:15 #344131

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Dov wrote on 21 Feb 2011 23:21:
Kreegtzich arois mit dem kleiner benkletzufloigenmashinn!

(a ba'al teshuvah in) Williamsburg


Any idea what this means???
English please!
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Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 02:50 #344132

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Markz wrote on 10 Oct 2019 02:15:

Dov wrote on 21 Feb 2011 23:21:
Kreegtzich arois mit dem kleiner benkletzufloigenmashinn!

(a ba'al teshuvah in) Williamsburg


Any idea what this means???
English please!

I can't explain Dov's cryptic messages.
Literal translation, if I got the last word correct is: "fight it out with the small ?disheveled chair machine?" 
How was your Yom Kippur?
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 02:53 #344133

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lionking wrote on 10 Oct 2019 02:50:

Markz wrote on 10 Oct 2019 02:15:

Dov wrote on 21 Feb 2011 23:21:
Kreegtzich arois mit dem kleiner benkletzufloigenmashinn!

(a ba'al teshuvah in) Williamsburg


Any idea what this means???
English please!

I can't explain Dov's cryptic messages.
Literal translation, if I got the last word correct is: "fight it out with the small ?disheveled chair machine?" 
How was your Yom Kippur?

Not so easy for me to focus on other misdemeanors
The YH says to me “You’ve been clean for 6 months+ - chill!”

How was yours?
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Last Edit: 10 Oct 2019 02:54 by Markz.

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 03:29 #344135

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The YH is a smart cookie. Always finding different ways to get us. For some he comes and tries to get them complacent, "look you're doing so great, you're such a Tzadik, etc..." For others he does the opposite, "How can daven, your going to burn in hell anyways, don't you remember what you did, etc..."
ובתחבולות עשה מלחמה.

B"H Yom Kippur was good.
A git kvittal
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 22:13 #344149

  • ColinColin
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lionking

Sometimes you have to go down in order to rise up.

The urge to fall can be strongest on holiest days....the Yetzer Hara is stronger those days, it wants to destroy the holiness.

But you have shown that you want to ignore it and be enjoy the extra Kedusha.

That shows real good intent.

When the urge  to fall is strong, treat it as an external thought.
There is no need to act on it.

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 10 Oct 2019 23:41 #344151

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Colin,
Thanks! I B"H didn't have an urge to fall on Y"K.

Can't say the same about today unfortunately. I had urges today. Slipped 5 minutes with random browsing, some entertainment site, B"H not porn, but could've easily led to it.

I was responding to Markz about his feeling to chill.
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com

Re: MY PATH TO SANITY 11 Oct 2019 07:36 #344159

  • lionking
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What is wrong with me? I just masturbated instead of sleeping. I'm I insane?!
My email address is: growinghigher613@gmail.com
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