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my long נסיעה of almost 30 years
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TOPIC: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 16119 Views

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 14:45 #311077

  • cordnoy
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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:38:
I had B"H a great "yesterday", thanks hashem for that, I really appreciate that,  and I'm begging you that my "today" should pass Beshuloim, I don't remember having a clean Friday and Shabbes afternoon, even the last 3 weeks I was pleasuring my self, I didn't ended up till the end, but it was very close to an end.... but now I'm focusing to be clean clean clean.....
I beg you hashem, HELP me.. I'm doing it only for you, not for me,
Thank you Hashem, and thanks all GYE Chaveirim for the support...
ill be back Moitzeh Shabbes with my CLEAN report......

II don't know if the attitude should be that I am only doin' it for Him, but if that works for you, go for it.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 14:55 #311080

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cordnoy wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:45:

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:38:
I had B"H a great "yesterday", thanks hashem for that, I really appreciate that,  and I'm begging you that my "today" should pass Beshuloim, I don't remember having a clean Friday and Shabbes afternoon, even the last 3 weeks I was pleasuring my self, I didn't ended up till the end, but it was very close to an end.... but now I'm focusing to be clean clean clean.....
I beg you hashem, HELP me.. I'm doing it only for you, not for me,
Thank you Hashem, and thanks all GYE Chaveirim for the support...
ill be back Moitzeh Shabbes with my CLEAN report......

II don't know if the attitude should be that I am only doin' it for Him, but if that works for you, go for it.

in a sense you might be right, but I feel, that I cant fool myself, for "me", as long I'm not cured, I would act out hourly, I'm still so in it, and I'm fighting every moment to stay clean, in all aspects, and for the "Higher me" I wouldn't do it again ever, its very depressing, so for now i cant ask hashem that I'm staying clean for "me", since I'm still just the "me" not the "higher me"...
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 14:59 #311082

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Like I said, whatever works for you.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 16:07 #311085

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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:55:

cordnoy wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:45:

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 21 Apr 2017 14:38:
I had B"H a great "yesterday", thanks hashem for that, I really appreciate that,  and I'm begging you that my "today" should pass Beshuloim, I don't remember having a clean Friday and Shabbes afternoon, even the last 3 weeks I was pleasuring my self, I didn't ended up till the end, but it was very close to an end.... but now I'm focusing to be clean clean clean.....
I beg you hashem, HELP me.. I'm doing it only for you, not for me,
Thank you Hashem, and thanks all GYE Chaveirim for the support...
ill be back Moitzeh Shabbes with my CLEAN report......

II don't know if the attitude should be that I am only doin' it for Him, but if that works for you, go for it.

in a sense you might be right, but I feel, that I cant fool myself, for "me", as long I'm not cured, I would act out hourly, I'm still so in it, and I'm fighting every moment to stay clean, in all aspects, and for the "Higher me" I wouldn't do it again ever, its very depressing, so for now i cant ask hashem that I'm staying clean for "me", since I'm still just the "me" not the "higher me"...

Replace "higher me" with sober me and remember it's only for today. And days turn to months and months turn to years.
And focus in on having a personal relationship with Him for He loves you.
And keep on sharing your journey!
There can be many reasons why we need to do it for there are many reasons... including right at the top of the list giving Tatty nachas! 
Really just keep reading - and 'learning in' sobriety and recovery and you are going to go really far.

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 17:01 #311086

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Shivisi, just discovered your thread. Your courage (and wisdom) in sharing your challenges and history so openly is incredible. As you wrote, once you discover GYe you start to realize there are a lot of normal erliche people suffering, and that is very beneficial for you to stop viewing yourself as a loser/rasha. I see that a few people suggested you open up to a real person and that you responded that you find that very difficult. Be advised you can open a fake google voice phone number so you can remain anonymous and speak with one of the many successful people here. A tremendous chelek of any success Hashem has given me comes from my having been able to open up (very explicitly) with a live person. After a period of time becoming trusting in this fellow, I graduated the anonymity and with him use my real name and phone number (as does he).  Another option is to see a therapist specifically trained in these inyonim. They are extremely confidential. Whatever you do should be with hatzlocha. Keep posting.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 21 Apr 2017 17:01 #311087

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good going!!!
have a wonderful shabbos iyh sober!!!

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Apr 2017 04:49 #311134

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אודה השם מאד בפי
i had a sober Friday and Shabbes, sober eyes, sober toughts, and sober from touching and acting out, i broke a record from 30 years, i never had such a wonderful shabbes...
Thanks You Hashem, and thank you to all our chevra, only with your support, hope to do so next week too..
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Apr 2017 06:05 #311144

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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 23 Apr 2017 04:49:
אודה השם מאד בפי
i had a sober Friday and Shabbes, sober eyes, sober toughts, and sober from touching and acting out, i broke a record from 30 years, i never had such a wonderful shabbes...
Thanks You Hashem, and thank you to all our chevra, only with your support, hope to do so next week too..

That's awesome, keep up the great work!
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Apr 2017 12:48 #311154

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So happy for you. Keep it up. In shomayim they are celebrating too.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 25 Apr 2017 21:40 #311524

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I don’t know if it was mentioned already here, but for anyone who understands Yiddish speaking, please listen to this great speech, from ר' בערל טויבער , this speech he held for Bucherem, but its excellent for adult addicts too, https://www.koltorahonline.com/index.php/artists/tauber-r-berl/bochir-tee-vos-di-vilst.html#.WP_AurAzUy8 he explains how the Brain and the Heart are working, what מח שליט על הלב means, it’s a phenomenal speech.. you won’t regret it.
for us addicts, it’s an instructions guide how to control our self’s..

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 27 Apr 2017 23:54 #311765

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i was the chosen one today  i was honored today, someone, ill keep it confidential who it is, surprised me, and donated a nice amount of money, if i will successfully make it to the wall of honor in 90 days, i will iy"h make it, ill get there...
thanks a million, 
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Oct 2017 07:57 #321445

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Dear shivisi hashem
i read your post and i would cry if not being that im in an internet suite where there is other people
im a lot younger then you but ive been through a ton of things you can read it on my thread titled been to gehinom and back it may loo from the thread that its not a lot but thats because i left out all the gory detail not to entice others
i feel a very lot for you
im flabbergasted how after thirty years you still have the right haskofos and want to do the right thing
im not giving you a psak but it started from when you were still not a bar daas to know wrong from right i dont know how much at fault you are
keep going and there will be a time beazras hashem when you will be able to look back and praise yourself for the beautifully wrapped present you gave our father in heaven
you are a big chizuk for all of us
dont get bogged down by the times you fall just keep strong
love well worth it

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Oct 2017 10:28 #321447

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Thank you for you kind words, and good luck on your jurney... you should have it easy..
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Oct 2017 20:31 #321468

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HI GUYS I JUST HAD AN AMAZING EPISODE I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE.

I HAD A BIG FALL (AGAIN) AND I WAS FEELING TERRIBLE ABOUT LIFE. 
BASICALLY I JUST HAD A BABY BOY BORN ON EREV SUCCOS, WITH DOWNS SYNDROME AND A FEW OTHER COMPLICATIONS, SO ITS BEEN STRESSING TO SAY THE LEAST.WHICH DOESNT HELP WITH THE CONSTANT WE ARE ALL FACING.
ANYWAYS TO GET TO THE POINT...... I SAID THE FOLLOWING WORDS AFTER MY FALL: IM SUCH A LOSER HASHEM DOESNT WANT ME AS ONE OF HIS ARMY. AS THE I FINISHED THOSE WORDS I WAS WALKING ON THE STREET WHEN A VOICE FROM ABOVE ON A BALCONY CALLED OUT AND SAID," O A YID!! PLS COME UP AND JOIN THE MINYAN YOUR THE TENTH PERSON!!" 

NOW IF THATS NOT A SIGN FROM HASHEM THEN WHAT IS????

Re: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years 23 Oct 2017 20:36 #321469

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wowowowo!!!!! what a message, i call it a פתקא מן שמיא
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים
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