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TOPIC: my problems 19041 Views

Re: my problems 26 Sep 2018 02:37 #335774

  • mzl
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mikestruggling wrote on 25 Sep 2018 20:00:
I'm in the pits. I rationalize that "OK I'm back to regular". I'm gonna daven for the ability to be completely honest with myself and understand my 1st step properly (just how dangerous porn masturbating etc. is for me).
will try to keep everyone updated. 
A Gutte Moied

Did something happen to make you depressed? That will kill your motivation dead (your motivation to work the 12-step program.)

Re: my problems 28 Sep 2018 08:22 #335826

  • mikestrucking
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last night my computer was unfiltered and I know the password. and I wanted to watch porn everything was perfect. on the way home from a simchas beis hashoeiva I had to stop off in shul. I opened the aron kodesh and said "Hashem I want to watch porn please help me"
iI got home stillplanning to watch I almost finished setting up when at 12 am the phone rings it's a program member. I shared with him exactly what I was doing and committed and davened to be able to fulfill my commitment I'm happy to say it worked. 
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 06 Oct 2018 22:10 #336005

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iI'm sleep training my daughter. I'm not sleeping in the same room as my wife. and I'm having withdrawal. I'm committing to not getting my phone or computer until 220 am (I hope to be sleeping by then)
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2018 22:16 by mikestrucking. Reason: misspelled

Re: my problems 06 Oct 2018 23:20 #336007

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extended until 320. Hashem please help me sleep and not need to distract myself
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 06 Oct 2018 23:53 #336008

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extended until 320. Hashem please help me sleep and not need to distract myself
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 07 Oct 2018 00:32 #336010

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mikestruggling wrote on 06 Oct 2018 23:53:
extended until 320. Hashem please help me sleep and not need to distract myself

They say if you pick up a sefer you go to sleep right away.

Re: my problems 07 Oct 2018 09:42 #336026

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​It worked BH have a gr8 day
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 10 Oct 2018 16:25 #336118

  • mikestrucking
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last night I emailed a mentor of mine from this forum the honest painful truth, that I'm in a binge and I don't want to stop. Today I had a rock bottom experience after which I called my DSR, my therapist and my sponsor. A new commitment to work the steps.
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 10 Oct 2018 18:59 #336120

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Keep coming back...

Re: my problems 19 Oct 2018 04:50 #336397

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Wednesday, I regressed in my recovery. I decided that if I'm not getting sober anyway I can skip a meeting. (talk about insanity). At the time that I would've been at the meeting I went cruising for a half-hour. I almost crossed a very big red line. Needless to say, I felt dirty, low and bad. I felt like an animal. 
Yesterday (Thursday) I went to my therapist. He proved me that I'm a good person and said that if I understand that I'm a good person and connect with that by taking even SMALL positive actions the rest will come by itself. He actually learned with me an orach chaim by the story of kayin and hevel that says this.
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 19 Oct 2018 05:02 #336398

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ויאמר ה' אל קין וגו'...   ...והוא אומרו הלא אם תטיב פירוש אם תהיה מבחינת הטוב כל מעשיך שורה עליהם בחינת הטוב ומעצמן הם מתנשאים כי הקדושה אינה צריכה לאחרים. וצא ולמד (ב''מ פה:) ממעשה כסאו של ר' חייא שהיה עולה מעצמו למעלה והוא אומ' שאת פירוש מעצמו, ותתפרש שאת על המנחה גם על קין עצמו שלא יפלו פניו שהוא צלם הנאות אלא תהיה מעלתו נשאה והיא בחינת הטוב שהיא בחינת הרוממות והגדולה והם כנגד ב' בחינות האמורים בענין וישע ה' אל הבל ואל מנחתו שהם ב' דברים, ואם לא תיטיב פירוש כשתשלול בדעתך בחינת הטוב לפתח פירוש להתחלתך חשוב רע הנה בחינת הרע שנקראת חטאת רובצת עליך גם על כל מעשיך ושוללת ממך הנשיאות ומושלת במעשיך. ומעתה מה מקום לחרון אפך כיון שאתה סיבה לדבר. ואומרו ואליך תשוקתו כאן רמז כי יצר הרע יש בטבעו בחינת התשוקה להחטיא האדם כטבע שבאדם להתאוות תאוה ולחשוק זהב. ואומרו ואתה תמשל בו כאן הודיע כי הגם כי הוא בסדר זה ישנו בידו למשול בו, ומעתה למה יפלו פניך אחר שבידך הדבר למשול בו ולהרים המכשול שהוא החטאת:
ccheck it out for the whole arichus 
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: my problems 19 Oct 2018 10:33 #336402

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mikestrucking wrote on 19 Oct 2018 04:50:
Wednesday, I regressed in my recovery. I decided that if I'm not getting sober anyway I can skip a meeting. (talk about insanity). At the time that I would've been at the meeting I went cruising for a half-hour. I almost crossed a very big red line. Needless to say, I felt dirty, low and bad. I felt like an animal. 
Yesterday (Thursday) I went to my therapist. He proved me that I'm a good person and said that if I understand that I'm a good person and connect with that by taking even SMALL positive actions the rest will come by itself. He actually learned with me an orach chaim by the story of kayin and hevel that says this.

Did he discuss with you some biofeedback tool you can use every day to keep you from going after your next high, and low?
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