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OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is....
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TOPIC: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 77972 Views

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 00:43 #279142

  • Markz
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Hey you're a group leader - how about do a group call with 14 friends right now

if some guys cant make it - its their loss
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Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 01:19 #279150

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OTR wrote on 25 Feb 2016 00:36:
OK so My wife is out, this is  a typical time when I would act out. First semi real act out alarm I have had this week. And I am closing in on my first week of sobriety. I can make it through this, but to be frank, I am really feeling like I am looking forward to a fight for this in the future. - I can't fight- You know, this is EXACTLY what we spoke about today on a call. I need to surrender. Surrender means I can't do this alone. I can't 'fight it' or 'beat it'... I need to talk to someone, going to make a call now... 

Great to hear.
Keep us posted.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 02:38 #279172

  • NeiroYair
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OTR, Any updates? 
Hope you're doing well.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 02:52 #279174

  • OTR
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Yeah bh I made it through. I need to set up an action plan though for when I feel at risk of acting out again.. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 03:45 #279178

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OTR wrote on 25 Feb 2016 02:52:
Yeah bh I made it through. 

And in the process you gave every one of us some more strength to KOT!

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 15:49 #279242

  • OTR
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Thanks guys. I have to really internalize this concept of surrender. At this point in my recovery, my 'higher power' is a group or a friend. And I need people who I can call and talk to when I feel low.  
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 25 Feb 2016 20:11 #279268

  • cordnoy
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R' OTR, you made it onto the email group.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 26 Feb 2016 05:31 #279355

  • OTR
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Reb Cords, I can not tell you enough what an impression this concept of surrender to the group has made on me. Helping me to reframe how I view my whole recovery. Knowing A: That i can not fight, B If I fight I will lose... leaves me no alternative but to reach out for help when I need it. - That could be reaching out to Hashem, or reaching out to a group. - You did a big chesed. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 26 Feb 2016 11:32 #279374

  • cordnoy
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OTR wrote on 26 Feb 2016 05:31:
Reb Cords, I can not tell you enough what an impression this concept of surrender to the group has made on me. Helping me to reframe how I view my whole recovery. Knowing A: That i can not fight, B If I fight I will lose... leaves me no alternative but to reach out for help when I need it. - That could be reaching out to Hashem, or reaching out to a group. - You did a big chesed. 

it is truly my pleasure.
I am merely an iberzugger.

B'hatzlachah to all
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 03:35 #279743

  • OTR
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Today's thought... I was not too much on the forum, and missed my phone conference. I was actually beginning to forget that I am a sick person in need of help to get better. Thus, I am beginning to feel the 'itch' to act out. - I need to hang around some more with other sick people to start feeling better... 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 03:58 #279750

  • Markz
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OTR wrote:
Today's thought... I was not too much on the forum, and missed my phone conference. I was actually beginning to forget that I am a sick person in need of help to get better. Thus, I am beginning to feel the 'itch' to act out. - I need to hang around some more with other sick people to start feeling better... 

You sound like a newcomer (just kidding), so here's the welcome package
My Story---------Dov Quotes




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 04:10 #279755

  • realsimcha
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Oh my....!!! Story of my life. Start getting it together. Forgetting that I am ill. Feeling confident. Not recognizing that anxious feeling for what it really is. Then ... just one quick peek just out of curiosity - of course not becasue of any sexual feelings.... then -- hours and hours AWOL. Hashem help us! 

OTR, thanks for the reminder.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 06:46 #279773

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OTR wrote on 01 Mar 2016 03:35:
Today's thought... I was not too much on the forum, and missed my phone conference. I was actually beginning to forget that I am a sick person in need of help to get better. Thus, I am beginning to feel the 'itch' to act out. - I need to hang around some more with other sick people to start feeling better... 

Hmm, I think there is another itchy individual on this site. Now where is he... I can't seem to find him...
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 23:02 #279860

  • OTR
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realsimcha wrote on 01 Mar 2016 04:10:
Oh my....!!! Story of my life. Start getting it together. Forgetting that I am ill. Feeling confident. Not recognizing that anxious feeling for what it really is. Then ... just one quick peek just out of curiosity - of course not becasue of any sexual feelings.... then -- hours and hours AWOL. Hashem help us! 

OTR, thanks for the reminder.



If for yu it its only hours of acting out your in good shape. Unfortunately the scenario I describe goes on for days weeks and months at a time in a never ending cycle. That's just it, there is no end to the madness of this cycle. 

Realizing I am an addict was at first liberating. You know, call myself an addict feel great, go on staying sober whoopee! But realizing this has also started bugging me a bit. It means I have to look at myself as seomthing wrong with me. Which there is. Maybe that is why I am able to act normally when I do. Deep down, I know there is something wrong... trying to fake it, I am faking myself out and lying to yourself never works.. in the end. At least I am being honest with myself. I am an addict. Not just a guy who can look a little at porn. Or masturbate a little... I can't control myself in that way. I am unfortunately experiencing the ramifications of my lust in a painful physical way right now. Further proof. If I needed any. 

Hey maybe I could make up T shirts- "HAppiness is Being a Sex Addict" - Hug Me, I'm a Compulsive Masturbator... On second thought.... I'll stick with working recovery... 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 01 Mar 2016 23:03 by OTR.

Re: OnTheRoad is BackonTrack is OTR is.... 01 Mar 2016 23:38 #279864

  • Shteeble
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[quote="OTR" post=279860 date=1456873348]

Realizing I am an addict was at first liberating. You know, call myself an addict feel great, go on staying sober whoopee! But realizing this has also started bugging me a bit. It means I have to look at myself as seomthing wrong with me...




SA will have you call yourself an addict.

My therapist once told me it would be better if I said "I have an addiction", rather than calling MYSELF an addict.

The difference is how you view yourself.

Are you a problematic individual?
Or are you a fine individual who happens to have an addiction.

Very technical?
Maybe.

But it may be helpful for some.

Of course, most guys here will shray chay v'kayom at the very thought of not calling yourself an addict...

 
Last Edit: 01 Mar 2016 23:41 by Shteeble.
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