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New member - Colin
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Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: New member - Colin 25374 Views

Re: New member - Colin 23 Sep 2019 03:34 #343716

  • Hashem Help Me
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That took a lot of courage to post. You are a real inspiration. Continue giving all of us so much chizuk and sound advice while continuing to lead the way up the mountain.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: New member - Colin 23 Sep 2019 13:29 #343723

  • Dave M
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Colin,

I'm sorry to hear about your fall.  But that was an amazing clean stretch.  You have provided many people with chizuk along the way.  From past experiences, I know a fall after such a long streak can lead to a debilitating feeling.  Please keep posting on your status during the beginning a new longer (Im'h) streak.

Re: New member - Colin 23 Sep 2019 18:44 #343728

  • ColinColin
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Thanks Hashem Help Me and Dave M.

I could feel the stress building all week, knew I was vulnerable, but fell victim.

I have often written about the technique mindfulness, of regarding the urge to fall as merely an external thought, and I tried to use this.

But on the night I fell, I got overwhelmed.

In the past after a clean streak, I have usually fallen twice in quick succession.

So this time I am being extra vigilant against that.

If I stay clean over the next two weeks, it is a small victory in that regard.

And as ever, to anyone who reads this, the moral of the story is...we have to know that any day of the rest of our lives we have the potential to fall, and the potential to stay clean.

L'Shana Tova
Last Edit: 23 Sep 2019 18:48 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 24 Sep 2019 02:21 #343744

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ColinColin wrote on 23 Sep 2019 18:44:



In the past after a clean streak, I have usually fallen twice in quick succession.

So this time I am being extra vigilant against that.

If I stay clean over the next two weeks, it is a small victory in that regard.



SMALL victory?! If someone falls after a long time and only acts out once, picks himself up, moves on, courageously posts, he is a HERO!! He has rewired his brain. How many of us threw in the towel, acted out ad nauseum, went into hiding and yi'ush upon falling after an extended time?!?! Give yourself some credit! 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: New member - Colin 02 Oct 2019 14:31 #343928

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Colin,

Haven't seen you around for a bit.  How are you holding up?

Re: New member - Colin 02 Oct 2019 20:40 #343936

  • ColinColin
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Hi Hashem Help Me and Dave

Thank you for your encouragement and asking after me.
I appreciate it.

With work very busy, and then Rosh Hashona, I did not log in here.
I guess too it was my way of coping after my fall, to bury myself in work.

I have had very strong temptation to fall again, but have resisted.
This is crucial because as I posted above, I usually fall twice in quick succesion.

This time I am being very careful not to be hard on myself, but to accept what happened - which was that I got stressed, and I used the flawed coping mechanism of acting out instead of calming myself through mindfulness.

But that fall is a fall, it is not a lifelong self condemnation of my character.

I am isolating it as an incident, being very clear what led to it, and have devised my plan for when I get stressed again.

Basically...instead of reaching for porn, I must be nice to myself using Kosher means.

I knew that anyway, but the key is to remember it whilst I am very stressed.

Wishing you all Gmar Hatimah Tovah.

Re: New member - Colin 22 Oct 2019 23:30 #344309

  • ColinColin
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I fell on 30 days.

Mixture of tiredness, stress and emotional upset.

I had this crazy urge to seek relief from the spiritual "junk food" of acting out.
It does not nourish the mind, body or soul.

I have used mindfulness very effectively in the past to get me to 259 days, but this fall was brought on by very strong urges. 

I was emotionally upset at how some people had acted to me.

1.) Well, I cannot control that, but in future I must control how I react.
I may react emotionally, but I must be nice to myself and assure myself that just because I am emotionally upset, does NOT give me licence to sin.

Instead I should be nice to myself in all the ways I have recommended others - exercise, reading, watching a "safe" film etc.

2.) Use these methods, and also very much a few minutes to think, analyse why other people acted towards me as they did, and then not let it get to me.

3.) Also use "Gam Zu Le Tovah."
Part of my upset was at being denied the chance to visit a certain place by other people.
But probably Hashem used them as messengers, He did not want me in that place.

4.) And to plan my days better. If i have a bit of free time I tend to get up to mischief, So a timetable of positive ideas will be useful to me.
Not itemised to the minute, of course it must have some flexibility because someone might phone, or visit. 
But a general timetable to keep me focussed on positive things.
Last Edit: 22 Oct 2019 23:32 by ColinColin.

Re: New member - Colin 27 Feb 2020 03:21 #347587

  • ColinColin
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Thank Hashem to be on this Forum tonight.

I am fighting right now...on a clean streak but really being tested tonight.
I think it is a result of work troubles, which lead me to be emotionally fraught.

So far still clean.

Somehow I managed to log in, just doing that calms me, helps me think rationally instead of letting emotions get to me.

I shoudl be in bed right now but need to calm down and plan a positive day for tommorow.

Taking it one day at a time.

Re: New member - Colin 27 Feb 2020 13:38 #347599

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Colin thanks for posting that.  Just know that all of us here are rooting for you.  G-fd willing things should get easier. 

Re: New member - Colin 27 Feb 2020 14:30 #347600

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Colin, thank you for your posts.
I totally relate to everything you've said. I too need to learn "kosher" ways to dealing with challenges in life, stressing events, etc. Unfortunately, acting out comes as an unkosher outlet.
I really like swimming. It feels like you're transported to another dimension, and it's very relaxing. It has surely helped me deal with stress.
I'm also trying to do just what you said. If the urge comes, just log in here before anything. People here are sure to help us out.
Keep us posted.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו

Re: New member - Colin 27 Feb 2020 14:49 #347601

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Good morning ColinColin

How was your night? How are you doing today? 

The concept of Kol Yisrael Areivim Ze L'ze is so amplified here as we are all one family and we care so much for each other. I'm sure Hashem has so much nachas from this and from your great effort to keep clean and strong.

Keep it up and keep us posted.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 27 Feb 2020 14:49 by DavidT.

Re: New member - Colin 28 Feb 2020 02:07 #347613

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ColinColin wrote on 04 Nov 2015 22:50:
Hi
Am here because I want to change and beat my Yetzer Horah.
Single man.
As for avoiding masturbation, nothing has worked for me longer than 10 weeks.

I started with teenage masturbation.
Pornographic magazines.
Then internet porn.
Prostitutes.
One night stands.
Swingers sites.

I want to be healthy and find a meaningful monogamous relationship and please G-D get married one day.

My trigger is very much a deep emotional loneliness, when I feel this, then nothing stands in the way of my Yetzer Harah.
I need closeness and need to avoid that inner pain.

So I seek respite from it in ways which are sinful.
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Hi colin welcome youve really come to the right place. If you want to dialog feel free to either in this forum or via private messaging. Ive been where you are. Something very important if you havent done so already you must get a physical exam and a blood test for a possible std. You dont know what you might be walking around and if you do have something and its not treated right away youre really taking your life in youre hands even if you used condoms you could have something serious















































Re: New member - Colin 01 Mar 2020 19:20 #347654

  • ColinColin
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Thank you for your support Dave M Snowflake DavidT Mark 18.

Have kept as busy as possible seeing friends and family, and trying to study.
Still clean.

Thank G-D I got an STD test. Am in good health, no infections.

The process of getting that test is not nice...wait 13 weeks from any possible risk, then a blood and urine test, then wait a week for results. 
It is sobering.

I have to plan out each day...fill it with positive activities which make me feel good about myself. And make others feel good about themselves.
Last Edit: 01 Mar 2020 19:23 by ColinColin.
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