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My Story - Thank Gd
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 14 Jun 2016 19:07 #290062

  • yiraishamaim
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So how about some real quality time together. Go out with her and be a great listener.
With regard to GYE -Perhaps she is right, you could cut down a shtickel from posting on the forum and replace it with other meaningful activities.

Hey -What do you know? You may actually get a life after all? and a quality one at that!
 

Re: My Story - Aspergers 06 Jul 2016 22:26 #291477

  • Markz
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Why the "device calendar" helps me

I feel that my P&M problem in the past 10+ years was primarily one of "internet addiction" and every once in a while after caught in the 'web', I'd slip down the youtube
I can't say I have a strong sex addiction, but some level of lust yes

Time awareness apparently is an issue for me, although if you'd ask me I wouldn't have been aware of it ;-)

I found the following enlightening quotes

www.aspergermanagement.com/

"Not everyone with AS has a poor concept of time. Some of my clients are very organized, and have no trouble meeting deadlines. The individuals who do have difficulty often do not have a sense of what time means. So, for example, if a manager asks them to do something in a half hour, they do not have an intuitive awareness of how quickly they need to work, or whether that time frame is realistic or not. Another problem is becoming so absorbed in a project that a person loses track of time altogether.

www.healthguideinfo.com/

Most people have experienced periods of time just slipping away. With Asperger's sufferers this can be an ongoing problem that interferes with school, work, and daily life. For parents, caregivers, friends, and employers of Aspies, dealing with someone who constantly loses track of time or ignores it altogether can be both frustrating and downright annoying. However, those who spend time around Asperger's individuals should try to remember that poor time management is a trait associated with the disability.

Always Have a Plan or Objective

Spontaneity just doesn't work well for most people with Asperger's. Surprises or unexpected occurrences can be very jarring for them. Many Aspies crave and enjoy routine and sameness.

For Aspies and their family members, creating lists of tasks that needed to be completed each day can be a great way to keep them organized. The list should be very specific and include a timeframe in which tasks must be completed. Also, allow the person the list is being created for to have some input into what it includes. Make sure the list is not too overwhelming for the Aspie. He or she needs to be successful. But hold them accountable for making sure tasks are prioritized and completed on time.
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 08 Jul 2016 20:01 #291631

  • Markz
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image_2016-07-08.jpeg


Perhaps for many, but for people that relate easier to their computer than to other people, like myself, gye is life, not an escape from life

My therapist said something like this recently, and was gonna write it in an email. If she has more enlightening info I'll try share it
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Last Edit: 08 Jul 2016 20:02 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 08 Jul 2016 22:58 #291642

  • inastruggle
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Can you explain that better? From the way it was written it sounded like it's ok for gye to be life. 

Re: My Story - Aspergers 12 Jul 2016 16:46 #291804

  • Markz
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My wife asked "If being on the computer/Internet is a soothing activity for you, how can you figure out what is the void in you that is needing soothing when you do that?"

Therapist replied "Mark will have to answer this but as we discussed the obsession with the internet might not be a replacement for a “void” in his life rather it is something that he feels comfortable with."

In other words most gyes are social beings and Internet is an escape from their reality. Aspies are different. So Ina, chatting with my friends on gye for me is ok to be life

My wife asked me "why don't you find a different website" I said to her go ahead find me a different forum like this. I don't believe it exists

Moreover the honesty and sharing (which our past sins bring out), can't be gained elsewhere.
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 Jul 2016 11:25 #291853

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Markz wrote on 12 Jul 2016 16:46:
My wife asked "If being on the computer/Internet is a soothing activity for you, how can you figure out what is the void in you that is needing soothing when you do that?"

Therapist replied "Mark will have to answer this but as we discussed the obsession with the internet might not be a replacement for a “void” in his life rather it is something that he feels comfortable with."

In other words most gyes are social beings and Internet is an escape from their reality. Aspies are different. So Ina, chatting with my friends on gye for me is ok to be life

My wife asked me "why don't you find a different website" I said to her go ahead find me a different forum like this. I don't believe it exists

Moreover the honesty and sharing (which our past sins bring out), can't be gained elsewhere.


Just curious- why would a different website be better? Is her issue that you're spending too much time on the computer or that there's something specific about GYE?

Re: My Story - Aspergers 13 Jul 2016 12:52 #291855

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Gye because of the lust topic... And we can discuss more on my Karl thread, but this week I'm overly busy.

WG Is lust more difficult for you this week that the wife is away?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 17 Jul 2016 09:25 #292093

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Markz wrote on 13 Jul 2016 12:52:
Gye because of the lust topic... And we can discuss more on my Karl thread, but this week I'm overly busy.

WG Is lust more difficult for you this week that the wife is away?

Mark, 
it definitely is and I'm going to post on my thread but mostly because 1) I have too much alone time on my hands and 2) I have forgotten all my commitments originally that helped me stay sober which you were my Rebbi for. I had a fall while she was a way- not because of the too much time but because of a huge stressor but it doesn't matter- so on your thread I recommit to this- I am going back off any you tube or entertainment type media like movie clips and going back to keeping my eyes to
myself. I let those slip and now I've been worrying about the underlying reasons why I slip but I have to also do what got me sober- no looking. 

I'll post more on my thread. Thanks for asking

Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Jul 2016 04:00 #292461

  • Markz
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So I'll reply to your question on my thread

Workingguy wrote on 21 Jul 2016 23:01:

Markz wrote on 01 Jul 2016 21:59:
Um... been there... done that... I have covenant eyes... I know all the loopholes... I used to take advantage of them...


Markz,
My problem is that when life gets too difficult I slowly start to slide and eventually will take some advantage of them. You Tube and some images, not going to be specific in why it doesn't trigger Webchaver bc sometimes it does.

Why doesn't that happen to you? Is it that this was never a coping tool but just a struggle because of the bad opportunity of open internet?


Look I'm gonna be honest
I'm not my therapist (Maybe you should give me your therapists phone number cos you said he knows how to give a kick in the pants)

But this is honestly what I think

As an aspie

1) I have weak communication skills (I didn't give you my number - I'm not the type to shmooze, although I'd love to say hi), and I shy away from people, even from my wife. Usually when we take a walk Im almost never the one to open a discussion / topic... I'll try join her convo, but not always successfully

2) I always keep myself busy. Is it an escape outlet from society? Possibly. I was bullied as a kid (nothing serious) likely because aspergers are high targets, and that possibly built in me a greater resistance to real people [Porn isn't real life so I was comfortable there :-( ]

3) I never stop to rest. I wouldn't plan to do something to chill ever (If not for my wife needing a vacation I wouldn't ever go)
Whether it's too busy at work, learning a bit, posting on gye, exercise.... I block out the world. When out and about I always put on my headphones and plug into a shiur (There's too many good ones, enough to get past 120 years...) and block out the world

So I don't allow myself opportunity to think if life is too difficult or not. Yes sure sometimes life is tough (I have something I'm going thru now, can't elaborate)

Not that aspies don't have feelings. They do and they can be deep, but Aspergers prefer to think and change the world, and will put thought before emotion

And aspies like consistent schedules. I find for me, when my schedule is out of whack eg on Sunday's when I'm off work, so I have time on my hands and usually that is one of my challenging lust situations

Recently on Sunday's I've been checking 'kosher' you tube vids, it's not an escape rather something I like to do

So for me it's not about 12 stepping, rather making a firm Sunday schedule (and sticking to it - I wish. This is a topic I hope to get help from my therapist)

Sorry if my words aren't coherent

Keep on Trucking!!

Mark
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 22 Jul 2016 04:05 #292463

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You're an inspiration, Mark.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 03:46 #292837

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This post I wrote recently is related to my situation and I'll likely want to repeat it to other friends (very infrequently), so I want it to park here for now


Markz wrote on 15 Jul 2016 19:02:
...you must start already driving on a real recovery road and not rely entirely on this forum which seems to me an off road dirt track which only helps a select few. How many guys are like me that are clean long term with daily forum posting? Almost no one

Thats the reality


My Story---------Dov Quotes


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Last Edit: 28 Jul 2016 03:52 by Markz.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 06:15 #292840

  • cordnoy
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Just curious.....Who says the two are related?

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 09:42 #292842

  • doingtshuva
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Cordony are you also curious?
 NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!

I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.


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Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 12:02 #292849

  • Markz
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cordnoy wrote:

Just curious.....Who says the two are related?


I stated a fact which seemingly can be corroborated

Id say to consider sobriety with the forum alone - posting once a week is a minimum, perhaps it should actually be once daily

Now, out of the almost 6000 members, how many do that?

To your question.
I can't totally explain why they're related, but seemingly what I said is true. Understood?
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Re: My Story - Aspergers 28 Jul 2016 12:17 #292850

  • cordnoy
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Not

NotNot at all.

How do you know that you need to do that?

And I'm sick of deleting the first few duplicate words every time I post.

My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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