Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

Free Choice?!!
(0 viewing) 
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: Free Choice?!! 32836 Views

Re: Free Choice?!! 03 May 2015 20:25 #253764

  • shlomo613
  • Current streak: 32 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 433
  • Karma: 28
pischoshelmachat wrote:
It seems all the streets I travel through have many large holes. I may have to move to a new city or ask hkbh for a helicopter to fly me above the dangerous neighbourhoods.


LOL!!
and hahaha!
Good one!
I'm sorry if you didn't mean it to be funny - but it was a humourous post

Re: Free Choice?!! 03 May 2015 21:48 #253771

  • Gevura Shebyesod
  • Current streak: 2626 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3928
  • Karma: 446
Eagle wings work too.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Free Choice?!! 04 May 2015 01:45 #253789

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 168 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1684
  • Karma: 154
Or a NA NAch School bus, with monster wheels.
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 02:24 #253884

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 168 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1684
  • Karma: 154
serenity
Don't fight stress, accept it and surrender it. Hatzlacha!


What does that mean practically?! Scenario: We are going on a trip. It is a winter Friday. I want to leave by 12:00 so we won't have to worry about getting there on time. At 11:30 I come home to find the home flying, packing not done yet and no one ready. So I'm not discussing right now about who to blame for it. Lets say one kid had an accident, another is sick, and my wife was up all night. So I'm not blaming her, but the stress is major! We end up leaving at 12:45 amidst tension and grit teeth. Now there is traffic HELP! How do I or don't I fight the stress, accept it and surrender it? Feel free to alter any part of the scenario.
Thanks
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 05 May 2015 02:24 by stillgoing.

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 02:27 #253886

  • Gevura Shebyesod
  • Current streak: 2626 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 3928
  • Karma: 446
Did you stow away in my car the last time we went away for shabbos??
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 03:54 #253895

  • serenity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "ONE DAY AT A TIME"
  • Posts: 1790
  • Karma: 168
That entire scenario wouldn't happen when we are living a sober life.

I mean sober living on spiritual principle as found in the 12 steps or similar.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 04:00 #253896

  • serenity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "ONE DAY AT A TIME"
  • Posts: 1790
  • Karma: 168
The 9th step promises of AA

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 04:28 #253897

  • serenity
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "ONE DAY AT A TIME"
  • Posts: 1790
  • Karma: 168
If you look through the steps, it really doesn't take a genius to see that working through them will lead to the life as promised by the 9th step.

These are the concepts behind the 12 steps.

Principles for the Twelve Steps

1. Honesty
2. Hope
3. Faith
4. Courage
5. Integrity
6. Willingness
7. Humility
8. Brotherly Love
9. Justice (Making amends)
10. Perseverance
11. Spirituality (awareness)
12. Service

Living a life of hope and faith in God's Will, rigorous honesty, giving to others, making amends when we do wrong; what could be better?

Back to your question, "What does that mean practically?!". You may have to find for yourself how to make acceptance and surrender work. This is how it worked for me in the past. I took a deep breath or three. Thought what is the best way for my sobriety to proceed right now? I accepted that the situation I found myself in was the exact the situation that God wanted me to be in that time, in that place and under those circumstances. I realized that fighting the situation I was in was not going to do anything to help me, so I surrendered to it.

In your scenario, the fact that you didn't find fault with others is very good. Especially while the incident etc is happening, there is no point to finding fault. What you may wish to do, now that's it's over is find where your mistake was in the situation. This may be hard to do and you may need help from someone who knows you well, like a sponsor. Personally I've been in that situation many times, in the past. My mistakes are usually a major part of the chaos.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Free Choice?!! 05 May 2015 20:19 #253972

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 168 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1684
  • Karma: 154
serenity
"What does that mean practically?!". You may have to find for yourself how to make acceptance and surrender work. This is how it worked for me in the past. I took a deep breath or three. Thought what is the best way for my sobriety to proceed right now? I accepted that the situation I found myself in was the exact the situation that God wanted me to be in that time, in that place and under those circumstances. I realized that fighting the situation I was in was not going to do anything to help me, so I surrendered to it.


If feel that what you are writing is true, I just also feel that if I would do those things, I would be just as tense. But, I guess, that's why we are given years on this world. Things take time to develop, and there's no better time to start working on it then now! (It's shouldn't take too long for the next scenario to pop up so I can practice.)
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: Free Choice?!! 08 May 2015 02:06 #254162

  • TheBigX90
  • Current streak: 6 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 17
  • Karma: 3
I do agree with what stillgoing wrote, that it takes many years to work on it. However, what I find to work, is to try to find time during the day (usually sometime @ night) to relax by taking a stroll, listening to music, even 15- 20 minutes of this is helpful as it lets your body wind down & relax from tension during the day!
Good luck on your quest to accomplish this goal!!

Re: Free Choice?!! 10 May 2015 05:56 #254209

  • cordnoy
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11359
  • Karma: 536
stillgoing wrote:
serenity
Don't fight stress, accept it and surrender it. Hatzlacha!


What does that mean practically?! Scenario: We are going on a trip. It is a winter Friday. I want to leave by 12:00 so we won't have to worry about getting there on time. At 11:30 I come home to find the home flying, packing not done yet and no one ready. So I'm not discussing right now about who to blame for it. Lets say one kid had an accident, another is sick, and my wife was up all night. So I'm not blaming her, but the stress is major! We end up leaving at 12:45 amidst tension and grit teeth. Now there is traffic HELP! How do I or don't I fight the stress, accept it and surrender it? Feel free to alter any part of the scenario.
Thanks


accept that that's what god wants

bhatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re:i flubbed my Free Choice. 31 May 2015 22:12 #255727

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 168 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1684
  • Karma: 154
test
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2016 20:57 by stillgoing.

Re:i flubbed my Free Choice. 31 May 2015 23:43 #255735

  • yiraishamaim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1021
  • Karma: 99
Rabbi Avigdor Miller used to say that Hashem has us on a rotisserie like a chicken he wants us beautifully golden brown on all sides.
still going you are a work in progress(like all of us) and one that is finding some nice success in the lustful challenge of life.
We are just being reminded there is much work to do to be golden brown in all midos.
Don't sweat it! you have shown progress throughout the years in that area as well.

But heavy focus on ka'as? only one midah at a time my friend.

Re:i flubbed my Free Choice. 31 May 2015 23:51 #255736

  • stillgoing
  • Current streak: 168 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • "LIFE IS ONLY HARD FOR THE FIRST 120 YEARS!"
  • Posts: 1684
  • Karma: 154
bump
BIG SHOT!
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories
STORY TIME :)

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2016 20:58 by stillgoing.

Re:i flubbed my Free Choice. 01 Jun 2015 01:14 #255739

  • yiraishamaim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1021
  • Karma: 99
Have long has it been that you have smashed a wall? Yeah its a bit much to smash a wall, - but not nearly as much damaging as you getting down on yourself will do. its more impressive and more against tevah that you have been clean of acting out for 37 days! your better off meditating on that!

Are you indeed a danger to others because of your Ka'as?

If its been a long time that you have gotten so angry and you are not abusive to others then sure daven for help, learn some mussar on the subject- pele yoetz etc. but I would not get down or too side-tracked.
you have truly made progress in one area and you want to keep your main focus there.

Stay Happy! Keep Truckin'
Time to create page: 0.59 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes