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From tragedy to redemption
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TOPIC: From tragedy to redemption 46914 Views

Re: From tragedy to redemption 14 May 2015 11:35 #254670

  • cordnoy
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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:
pischoshelmachat wrote:
Hi Hash
I had this exact issue. I needed to pause and think before reacting to ensure I did not say anything harmful.
I started calling my sons tzadik before each thing I said to them.


Tzadik, how many times do I have to tell you to ......!?!?!

I'm just kidding.

It's great that you're trying to correct it. And by addressing him nicely, you are making a reminder to yourself to say the right things to him, because it involves more than just the tone and the title, and that's exactly what I want to address here. Thanks for joining me in this discussion and avoda.

And if someone asks 'What does this have to do with GYE issues?' the answer is it has a lot to do for many reasons which I don't have the time t enumerate now because I'm heading to bed.


The connection to gye issues is because it is a manifestation of resentment and anger, which are all results of the root cause, which is self. When we scold a child (past the lines), who are we placatin'? who are we helpin'? we are tryin' to soothe our soul. We are concerned with our pride, ego, self, and so on. Many addicts demonstrate this type of behavior.

Take a look at step 4.

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 14 May 2015 14:00 #254679

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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cordnoy wrote:


The connection to gye issues is because it is a manifestation of resentment and anger, which are all results of the root cause, which is self. When we scold a child (past the lines), who are we placatin'? who are we helpin'? we are tryin' to soothe our soul. We are concerned with our pride, ego, self, and so on. Many addicts demonstrate this type of behavior.

Take a look at step 4.

b'hatzlachah


Yes, well said. I also have other reasons why it's connected but I think what you said here is so true and powerful that כל המוסיף גורע.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 14 May 2015 14:07 #254680

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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serenity wrote:
Hashiva, Glad to see your posting. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your success with your new family approach. I relate.

Hatzlacha!


The reason that I hadn't been posting for a while is because I was out of sorts for various reasons. I still am to a degree but not as much. So what got me out of it? I had a text chat with someone here. Much of the chat was sheer silliness but there was also some meaningful discussion. I don't know which part helped but it seemed to be therapeutic. The reason I share this is to say that just a chat with a friend can go a long way. being isolated isn't a good idea.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 14 May 2015 17:31 #254699

  • cordnoy
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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:
serenity wrote:
Hashiva, Glad to see your posting. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your success with your new family approach. I relate.

Hatzlacha!


The reason that I hadn't been posting for a while is because I was out of sorts for various reasons. I still am to a degree but not as much. So what got me out of it? I had a text chat with someone here. Much of the chat was sheer silliness but there was also some meaningful discussion. I don't know which part helped but it seemed to be therapeutic. The reason I share this is to say that just a chat with a friend can go a long way. being isolated isn't a good idea.


gee thanks
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 02 Jun 2015 10:12 #255825

  • dd
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Hi Hashiva!!!

How are things?

Is everything ok?

Thinking about you!!!

Re: From tragedy to redemption 02 Jun 2015 14:05 #255836

  • serenity
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Yes, what's doin Hashiva!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 02 Jun 2015 16:08 #255847

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Thank you for thinking of me. I'm still here, but I can't speak because I don't know what to say because I am looking for the way but don't yet know for sure if I found it. But now that you ask I'll say.

My feeling is that I need to follow the ways which are advised to us by The Torah. I believe that The Torah has all the answers only we try to cut corners and don't properly follow The Torah. So I'm learning Shaarei Teshuva. It's leading me to learn about these things daily on a regular schedule to keep the hisorerus alive. He says that the more a person feels the pain about having sinned (not the pain of the consequences) the more the soul is purified. So that needs work. Today I read the way The Rabeinu Yona in Igeres Hateshuva - 11, so beautifully explains the Gemara kol hamistakel bearoyos kashto nineres, to mean that he loses the strength of his yetzer hatov and his glory transforms to destruction, which these are exactly the experiences that I am having, so it is clear to me that my issue is here being addressed. And I also saw that Rashi on that gemara in the second pshat says that hamistakel could also mean to think about. So these things help to correct the hashkafa to want not to sin and to begin to hate sin.

I also heard a pshat from the Gra that the reason that a person who withholds the matanos from the Cohen ends up with his wife being a sota is because the wife knows that one of the causes of poverty is looking at zonos and so the person who withhods the matanos becomes poor from that but his wife thinks it's because he is promiscuous so she also acts promiscuously. So from there I had a hisorerus that my financial struggles are caused by these things.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 02 Jun 2015 22:39 #255902

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Thank for that post very shtark!!!

Well if your focusing on the torah way you can continue to share it here. We can post and discuss it with the whole oilam.

I would like to just add one point if I may. Sometimes when we learn a lot of mussar we can get very down from seeing all the stuff they write. So just keep in mind the chizuk too not just hisorerus. Either by keeping in touch with the guys or learning also seforim that are mechazek not just meorer.

The main thing is KOMT!!!!

Re: From tragedy to redemption 02 Jun 2015 22:45 #255903

  • shlomo613
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Hashivalisesonyishecho wrote:

The Rabeinu Yona in Igeres Hateshuva - 11, so beautifully explains the Gemara kol hamistakel bearoyos kashto nineres, to mean that he loses the strength of his yetzer hatov and his glory transforms to destruction, which these are exactly the experiences that I am having, so it is clear to me that my issue is here being addressed. And I also saw that Rashi on that gemara in the second pshat says that hamistakel could also mean to think about. So these things help to correct the hashkafa to want not to sin and to begin to hate sin.

Hashiva, This idea of yours was playing in my mind when in was working in a public place and numerous attractive people were passing me. And it kept me focused on my work. Shkoiach. And glad to see you back. Shlomo

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 03:44 #256115

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I had a business dealing with a repulsive ***** ***** but a woman none the less, and I didn't get a 100%. I don't think I even got an 80%. But I still kept up my daily dose of learning about these issues and divrei hisorerus and I know that I need to be more careful, so I don't give up just try harder. I have an upcoming flight in a few days and I need some extra zehirus and planning. I should plan to have certain passages of certain seforim on my mind constantly. I should also tell my travel companion that I will be looking down and avoiding looking at the pritzus. That way I will be ashamed to do differently than I said. I hope this will work. Any other ideas? What would a real sur mera and yerei chait do? And when I say yerai chet I mean someone who tzitters in his hoizen mamash from sin.
Last Edit: 14 Jun 2015 15:09 by Kedusha.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 03:53 #256118

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I'm confused about what your saying? Are you saying you lusted after this woman? In any event my thought would be to focus on my repulsive sick behavior and have nothing but compassion for this woman.

Hatzlacha!
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 04:12 #256121

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It is written that the way one is on Kaf Sivan,that's the way he will be on Yom Kippur. And the remez is Ki yad al Kais kah Kais isKaf Sivan and Kah is Yom Hakipurim.

On that day I am iy'h travelling on a flight so I will have airport and airplane nisyonos. If I do well I'll have a good Yom Kipur.

I daven that Hashem should help me. So help me g-d.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 04:17 #256122

  • yiraishamaim
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Amen

not to burst your bubble or anything but -seems like a segulah- which would tend to mean helpful and sure go for it but nothing near a guarantee.

As well,isn't that way a little too simplistic. And perhaps a little out of character for the deep thinking intellectual that you clearly are?
Last Edit: 05 Jun 2015 04:21 by yiraishamaim.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 04:24 #256123

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It is written that the way one is on Kaf Sivan,that's the way he will be on Yom Kippur. And the remez is Ki yad al Kais kah Kais isKaf Sivan and Kah is Yom Hakipurim.

On that day I am iy'h travelling on a flight so I will have airport and airplane nisyonos. If I do well I'll have a good Yom Kipur.

I daven that Hashem should help me. So help me g-d.

Re: From tragedy to redemption 05 Jun 2015 04:30 #256124

  • Hashivalisesonyishecho
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Serenity, yes shamefully I did. And you're right it's good to keep in mind the repulsiveness of being that way. That's like Yazkir lo yom hamisa - a moment of reshaim afilu bechayehem kruyim maisim, and da meayin basa mitipa serucha. But if only we would remember that at the right times. I suppose when a person is expecting to be in a nisoyon, that is when he should take up this ammunition to be mistakel (think about) meayin basa and leom ato holech - yom hamisa.
Last Edit: 05 Jun 2015 04:41 by Hashivalisesonyishecho.
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