Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!

TOPIC: Marriage 16176 Views

Re: Marriage 28 Aug 2014 22:49 #238226

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
I think TehilimZugger includes all the above feedbacks from the Chevra . Sadly being obese has his stigmas but i guess SA is worse . I avoided going to OA's but i guess if i am faithful to the 12 steps , which i believe we all should ( even non-addicts) i should really go to this meetings. i just dont have the courage to go.

Re: Marriage 29 Aug 2014 01:22 #238233

  • ineedchizuk
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 300
  • Karma: 21
It's courageous of you just to consider it.

Joining would be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your wife.
You can DO IT, Action!

Re: Marriage 29 Aug 2014 05:31 #238249

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
thank you ineedchizuk . tell me more about it maybe i need a little more of a push.

Re: Marriage 29 Aug 2014 06:47 #238256

  • cordnoy
  • NOW ONLINE
  • Moderator
  • I'm sailin', for I've got to be free
  • Posts: 11283
  • Karma: 521
I can't tell you about OA (ask TZ), but I can tell you about SA.
It was part of the program that saved my life.
You get to be opened in a safe atmosphere.
You can listen or you can talk.
Most of the people are not judgmental (unless they are in Leicester, Liverpool or Golders Green).

It is well worth it!

b'hatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Marriage 31 Aug 2014 15:04 #238365

  • dd
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך
  • Posts: 878
  • Karma: 42
if i may ask whats oa's?

Re: Marriage 31 Aug 2014 15:32 #238367

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
0ver eaters Anonymous

Re: Marriage 21 Sep 2014 10:37 #240027

  • dd
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך
  • Posts: 878
  • Karma: 42
Newaction, as the new year comes we need new action(s).

Are you still here with us?

Re: Marriage 21 Sep 2014 18:14 #240043

  • godhelp
  • Current streak: 3 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 192
  • Karma: 47
Good job newaction and keep it up may god help you.

Re: Marriage 21 Sep 2014 18:23 #240045

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
thanks dd you can look at your Gmail chat i answered you there.

I want to take this opportunity for anybody reading this (and anybody else in GYE )

To ask for forgiveness to all those who were hurt by what i wrote . HKBH is my only

witness that i did not ever wanted to hurt anybody in my life in general and particularly

in these forums .

At the same token I forgive to any body that without intention ( or anybody else )

caused me pain by their words . I forgive with Mechila Gmura , No String Attached .

So the Oilam can enter Rosh Hashana with a clean conciseness that is with regard to me.

I wish all and each one of you a Ksiva Vachasima Tova . You shall all be written in the

Book of Tzadikim and Chasidim with all that that entitles . newaction.

Re: Marriage 17 Oct 2014 15:21 #241373

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
רבותי GYE Members i am calling to all and telling you this : WATCH YOUR EYES ! Hashem Has but only one request : מה השם אלקיך שואל מעמך what is it that Hashem your G.od Wants from you
כי אם ליראה He Wants only your eyesight . He Wants your looks . That is all He is asking. And if you do that , then the rest of the posuk will be easy to accomplish no big-deal :ללכת בכל דרכיו you will go in all His Ways , ולאהבה אותו the Love for Him will kindle in your heart ולעבד את השם אלקיך you will serve only Him , בכל לבבך ובכל נפשך you will find out that you do have a heart and a soul and you will love them because you will see that they are pure and wholesome. You will keep all His Mitzvos and you will see that all was for your good and all good is coming upon you. Just one thing Chevrah Watch your eyes , all the goodness of the world will start pouring on you .Today Isru Chag (in E.Y.) Shmini Atzeres 5775.

Re: Marriage 19 Oct 2014 03:09 #241386

  • kilochalu
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 335
  • Karma: 20
newaction wrote:
כי אם ליראה He Wants only your eyesight . That is all He is asking.

thanks for the vort!

one heara - is that a milsa zutrisa?
for me at least it seems like a big thing but maybe its really not

Re: Marriage 19 Oct 2014 13:27 #241402

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
Thank you for your comment Kilochalu . Very much appreciated. Who am i to say if it is a small thing or a big one for us . And anyways you dont ask kashias on the darshan . And i wont give advises for this super delicate topic. But this i can tell you, 75 days ago i decided to watch my eyes. and i am doing it bravely B"H . I find it easier than to watch my thoughts. my thoughts are much more automatic . but there was a time that my thoughts were me . i couldnt separate between them . Today i am more able to step aside a little and see the thought coming and telling myself this is something unwanted around me. Anyways my friend my message remains the same . if you dont know what to work on first and second , Tora , tefila , teshuva , etc,
my message is keep yours eyes shot for G.od sake , אידך פירושא הוא, זיל גמור.

Re: Marriage 30 Oct 2014 02:41 #242361

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
At 85 days in my way to 90 , I can say that B"H there has been improvement in my home and in my Shalom Bayis. definetly my wife enjoys my personality better. I managed pretty well ,until today and BE"H , to guard my eyes . I use the computer to strictly business . Not even news. it brings a sense of calm . When i go out to the street i just dont look period. I can not specify here but two major developments in life that bring me lots of Nachas . The board of directors of somewhere i used to work in rabonus made a meeting and call me to say . . . listen we are sorry for what happened between us and you , and we are asking for your mechila. i said listen guys you really misbehaved unjustly but ... i forgive you and pray for your wellness . they are even considering compensate me with some gelt. So Hashem gave me Agmat nefesh from these people and then he brings back a bit of my lost honor and some added gelt . The same with my wife when she didnt attack me she was indifferent to death . two days ago she wrote me you are a magician for all the changes that are happening in our home. Who ? me ? what did i do ? nobody knows that my secret is GYE . Here i learned about what addiction does to a person and what is the secret of recovery , Let G.od run His world as HE SEES fit. Why cant you let Him be the Supreme King . BE a bit humble , accept His Rule over all that happens to you , you get angry ? impatient ? You have complaints !?? How is it that ?

I know from experience that reaching 90 days it is very very nice and beautiful . . . but thats all folks . yesterday is bygone . tomorrow has not come , and today is up to me to have it well done.

It is all in the mind , in the wiring of the circuits. in order to recover we must have some degree of maturity that we did not posses. people with celliac disease are told they are allergic to wheat .they can live a lifetime on spelt bread. thats all. If that is what i need for my life i am staying away from wheat or peanuts or soy. Of course one day at a time but for a life time .

I can see how probable is to fall even if you have a lucrative trajectory of years of sobriety . dynamite is dynamite and will always be dynamite . it could sit in the warehouse one day , it can stay for 20 years . but in contact with fire it will explode . Hashem you have forsaken me .. ? NO , says HIm , my son you are DYNAMITE ! for that reason stay away from fire. if you do that you are sober for 40 , 50 , 60 years til 120 . if you dont watch from fire dynamite will make a BOOM . its a law in chemistry . and in our case in biology.

GYE is the place where i became wise - street wise . once the street belonged to me it was made for my entertainment . Thanks GYE that i came to the realization that everything , even the street belongs to Hashem . Hashem gives me what belongs to me all the rest is His , HE and only HE is the KING , and we are His servants.

i dont know how long will i stay in the Forum Posting business , i became addicted to it and like any other addiction it has to stop. I did enroll myself in one of conferences calls to stay connected . Thank You GYE , thank you friends for all the posts that helped me in my journey . May Hashem Grant you all what your heart desires and more ... really from the bottom of my heart to all.

Re: Marriage 30 Oct 2014 03:17 #242362

  • dd
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי מודה אני לפניך
  • Posts: 878
  • Karma: 42
Wow Newaction!!!

Beautiful post with a lot of deep though. I must read through it again when i'm not so tired like I am now.

KUTGW and KOMT!!!!

Re: Marriage 23 Dec 2014 23:58 #245583

  • newaction
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 571
  • Karma: 54
i was in chutz laaretz for two weeks thats part of my work . i meet and talk to many people.
there was one lady there talking to me about divorcing her very sexaholic husband ( he is a salesman in different countries in the area and has children of his own production in at least two countries where he goes ). suddenly in a matter of seconds i felt myself lusting for this lady . the conversation ended and we both parted to his way. But the lusting remained in my mind. B"H i am still "clean" in gye terms but my mind is driving me crazy. I can tell i am walking on not so tight rope , at the edge of the precipice. It looks that , that lusting opened doors that otherwise were closed for at least 5 months . i am in pain now . There is one insight i would like to share . If i would ask you this question even to relative veteran forum participants , what in your opinion is the main object of the AA big book ? think for a moment before you answer . The authors of the big book answered themselves this question. if you look in page 45 (4th edition) : The main object of the book is " TO ENABLE YOU TO FIND A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF WHICH WILL SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM " Rabosai this is the whole Torah , all the rest is pirushim. So when they and we and everybody else talks about Hashem doing the job for us , it is the only reality there is . And this is where we all should strive and make this our principal goal. I tend to forget this Universal Truth sometimes thinking i am sober because of " Kochi ve Otzem Yadi " i watch my eyes i watch my body i watch myself . That is far from the truth like east from west. I came from Chu"l thinking : alright i am going to solve my yisurim being together with my wife ( good old classic mistake ). To my dismay she has been spotting since weeks before i left and when i came back the spotting continues with no end in sight . OHH MYYYY What do i do now ??? There is only one way and one way only . In order to live i have to rest my ego in peace , my actual doing has to stop and Tell Hashem " please YOU take over now , this time i mean it , Please save me from myself . I praise those like Dov who calls himself "Powerless Dov" . thats a very good reminder that besides being Batel Umevutal i am not actually doing nothing
for my sobriety because Hashem is doing everything that is only if i mevatel myself . The more i mevatel myself the more kiyum i have . The more kiyum i make of myself the more batel i will be C"V. I hope that by releasing my pain into writing this i would help others who might read it and in that way help myself , Hashem Yaazor.
Time to create page: 0.54 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes