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TOPIC: introduction 6462 Views

Re: introduction 19 Mar 2013 21:28 #203760

  • gibbor120
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WELCOME HOPEFULL!

You are in the right place. The handbook is definitely a good place to start. You will have to decide what to "do" ultimately.

hopefull wrote:
When i was 13 i was caught by my parents and stoped for about a year but in camp the next year i was realy bored and lonely and i turned to maturbation for an outlet.

You have already made an important realization. Get involved in something positive. Boredom and lonliness are fertile ground for lust to grow.

hopefull wrote:

But even now at 17 the lusts and deires have yet to go HELP..........

Is there anyone you can speak with in person? A rebbe, a rav, a family member? Sharing your problem with a safe person is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Re: introduction 19 Mar 2013 22:02 #203768

  • AlexEliezer
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Welcome!

Why do you want to stop?

Re: introduction 19 Mar 2013 23:20 #203783

  • hopefull
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because i have no life and a im constantly feeling guilty about what im doing and i live in constant fear of discovery

Re: introduction 19 Mar 2013 23:21 #203784

  • hopefull
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gibbor120 wrote:
WELCOME HOPEFULL!

You are in the right place. The handbook is definitely a good place to start. You will have to decide what to "do" ultimately.

hopefull wrote:
When i was 13 i was caught by my parents and stoped for about a year but in camp the next year i was realy bored and lonely and i turned to maturbation for an outlet.

You have already made an important realization. Get involved in something positive. Boredom and lonliness are fertile ground for lust to grow.

hopefull wrote:

But even now at 17 the lusts and deires have yet to go HELP..........

Is there anyone you can speak with in person? A rebbe, a rav, a family member? Sharing your problem with a safe person is one of the most powerful things you can do.


im to embarased to talk to anyone

Re: introduction 20 Mar 2013 00:20 #203796

  • gibbor120
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hopefull wrote:
im to embarased to talk to anyone

We were all embarrased when we finally shared our secret for the first time. Take a look around the forum. I can recall many a post sharing relief at finally telling someone. I can't recall a post saying, "I wish I never told anyone". Obviously, you must be careful about who you select. But sharing it with a safe person, is POWERFUL!

There are many people here who would be happy to talk with you on the phone, and even meet you in person if you like.

You can keep doing what you have been doing until now, or you can try something different.

Re: introduction 20 Mar 2013 00:26 #203799

  • Pidaini
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hopefull, stand true to your name!!!
what IAS (inastruggle) told you is my support beam, ONE DAY AT A TIME!! start today, don't worry about tomorrow, don't worry about tonight, don't worry about yesterday, only today, now, stay clean stay sober now.
try realizing that gaurding your eyes is essential in this fight, and even though we have plenty of vids and pics to last us a few lifetimes, they will be much easier to combat.
as AlexEliezer puts it we need "bulletproof" shemiras einayim.
start living in the solution, that is real life, and you will find yourself.
Hatzlacha Rabbah
Yankel | My Ladder | Talking to Hashem
I'm just a dude, another guy on this bus.
Have a great day, unless, of course, you made other plans. ~ obbormottel
"Nothing changes as long as everything stays the same" ~ Dov

Re: introduction 20 Mar 2013 01:04 #203802

  • hopefull
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We were all embarrased when we finally shared our secret for the first time. Take a look around the forum. I can recall many a post sharing relief at finally telling someone. I can't recall a post saying, "I wish I never told anyone". Obviously, you must be careful about who you select. But sharing it with a safe person, is POWERFUL!

There are many people here who would be happy to talk with you on the phone, and even meet you in person if you like.

You can keep doing what you have been doing until now, or you can try something different.[/quote]

yea but im a young yeshiva bachur just imagine i tell my rebbi hell think im crazy and lose any respect for me, do you know how i can talk to someone anynimosley?

Re: introduction 20 Mar 2013 06:10 #203811

  • TehillimZugger
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Hey there Hopeful!
I like your name. It's good to be hopeful, it's even better to be "full". I wish I can go back to being 17 and messed up, 'cuz it's better than being 21 and messed up.
Being "full" is a good suggestion, I think. Full of Torah is the best option, Full of Mitzvos [kibood aim, helping mom b4 pesach is a good idea], the second best. Full of hobbies the third best, but anything better than being empty of action and full of...
hope?
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: introduction 20 Mar 2013 06:33 #203813

  • hopefull
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when im busy and active i have no problem its in the 3rd week of a long winter zman feeling lonley and depresed thats when lust and m******* kick in

Re: introduction 22 Mar 2013 00:55 #203913

  • Dov
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And it may sound obvious...but it's not:

Tehillim, kedusha, and even the 12 steps with meetings, sponsors, written stepwork, and regular phone calls whenever in trouble, etc - none of them work at all if we still do not really need to stop.

See, right after we masturbate, everybody wishes they'd stop! So us frum guys suffer so much, struggle so hard, and fight tooth-and-nail (all l'Shem Shomayim, of course). But we just don't feel right, do we?

There is only one surefire way we all know to bring our dirty, yucky, painful selves close to Hashem - really honestly close:

masturbate again!

Within a minute or so we find that we are dropped cold out of lust like a rock. Brought to our humble, reeling, holy senses again like the worst cold shower in the world. It's horrible five minutes later. We become frantic to finally fly right, despondent, ready to reach out like never before..."I'll do anything to quit and not fall the next time!" See? We are brought back to our senses! We wanted nudes five minutes ago - and now, all we really want is sweet tahara! Because we masturbated and 'got it over already'.

It works every time. It's the nuclear reset button, isn't it?

After our painfully intense 'zera levatola', life and avodas Hashem suddenly and painfully makes sense again. Sure we are farther away - but at least we are in the game again! ..or so we think. The sex obsession is blown out of us, gone. Holiness is again in view, at least. Menucha...

...for about a day (maybe)

Maybe I became willing to start recovery because I got tired of reset buttons, that's all? While we are flaming addicts, there eventually comes a point at which we realize that in order for us to live successfully we do not really need to give in and end the game by masturbating (again) so that we return to our holy senses. This is a total shock to a frum porn and sex addict.

We always saw our lusting, fantasy, and sex-with-self as the opposite of our avodas Hashem...and surely, the lusting and the fantasy always are. But not so the zera levatola! So often we held our breath, counting the days till....till it built up to a crescendo of crushing tension. Then we used the good old nuclear reset button - ending the game. We just couldn't take it any more. How long can you hold your breath? Eventually, everyone who is holding their breath needs to come up for air! So we fall, R"l. "It's Game Over, I guess," the poor guy says.

But it's not really ending the game at all! It's just starting a new game!

Anybody here who has ever been addicted to computer games knows exactly what I mean, here, by "GAME OVER" just being a reset button. Think it over.

Hatzlocha using this.

(Hatzlocha using anything! )
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: introduction 22 Mar 2013 01:31 #203915

  • zvi
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yea but im a young yeshiva bachur just imagine i tell my rebbi hell think im crazy and lose any respect for me, do you know how i can talk to someone anynimosley?[/quote]

I'm 16, a year younger than you. The first time I told one of my rebbeim about my problem, I didn't actually specify what Aveira I was doing- I just said a 'certain aveira.' Although I didn't realise it at the time, I think he guessed what it was...
A few months later, someone who is a few years older than me and had been through this and had stopped, guessed my problem. That was 7 months ago. Even now, when I think about that moment, it still makes me feel warm inside. Someone knew! I had someone who I could share my burden with, someone who could help me! He encouraged to come clean to a certain Rebbi of mine- and guess what? That Rebbi did not 'lose any respect for me'! He was completely understanding!
You said you're in Yeshiva. Have you tried your Mashgiach? If he's a Mashgiach for 17/18 year olds, he's not going to be blind to this problem. Obviously, I don't know your Mashgiach, and I'm not saying that that's 100% the best course. But you must know someone (even a friend) whom you can trust. And trust me here: If you take the admittedly scary but brave step to come clean to someone, that will change your life.
B'ahava Rabba!
Life’s a mountain. You just gotta keep climbing…

Re: introduction 22 Mar 2013 03:47 #203918

  • hopefull
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thank you so much i do have a rebbi who i can talk to im just very nervous

Re: introduction 22 Mar 2013 04:00 #203921

  • reallygettingthere
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I told my father and my wife.

Telling a rebbe cant be any worse
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: introduction 22 Mar 2013 17:43 #203932

hopefull wrote:
thank you so much i do have a rebbi who i can talk to im just very nervous


There is a moshol (in the sifrei mussar): A kerosine lamp has a glass cover on top, which protects the flame. The glass has a narrow opening on top with a wide belly on the bottom. A fly somehow got stuck in the belly of the burning lamp. He tried to stay at the wall of that belly, as far as possible from the heat, but it was becoming hotter and hotter. The fly needs to realize that although the narrow passage on top is much much hotter than his current position, but if he goes for it and undertakes that painful step, he will then be totally freed from the oppressive heat and from the danger that he was in.

The nimshal is hopefully self-understood.

Hatzlacha

MT

Re: introduction 24 Mar 2013 01:09 #203960

  • zvi
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Then go for it! If you're really nervous, then just say "a certain aveira." Chances are, he'll figure out.
Life’s a mountain. You just gotta keep climbing…
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