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I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy)
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TOPIC: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 5363 Views

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 06 Jul 2012 00:07 #140976

  • Dov
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titanlooks wrote on 03 Jul 2012 21:50:

just started the 90 day chart, so im tackling it one day at a time.. right now it is so hard not to look at p*** im not even kidding its like if i dont have it ill die , getting stimulated randomly to, i was at the mall with my friends was like pure hell everywherei turned there was something to look at no joke, tonight i fear the worst so one of my friends is putting a password on it that only he will know and he wont give me the pass till morning...
Opening up to a friend was a great idea, if that's what you mean you did.

The 90 day chart never 'works', so why blame it? The only thing that ever works is staying open, being honest, and connecting with safe people who understand this problem themselves. That will eventually help you learn how to use G-d to help you. Till you are honest with other real people, Hashem is just not real enough to you, either. You are no way alone in this - many others have succeeded one day at a time - if they did these things. Giving up on yourself is just silly, and you are probably a great guy, like I am and as are all of us here.

All the chizuk in the world will not help you. It's action, only positive, healthy action that will help. Opening up was a huge step, I think.

Now keep going in that direction and you will be OK in the end. Keep open here on the forum - and grow into becoming more and more open with safe, real people.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 09 Jul 2012 14:18 #141133

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Hey titan, how's it going what's up with you these days?

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 11 Jul 2012 04:04 #141282

  • titanlooks
keepgoingdude, things are going good, keep falling everyday so im just wondering what will happen in gehinim lol, having fun to, summer is AWESOME

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 11 Jul 2012 11:07 #141292

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Well were all hoping that you don't go there! To tell you the truth gehenomm and all the suffering that I heard ide get for m****** never got me to stop, only for a short little bit then ide be back.
"Keep falling every day"
So what steps are you taking to avoid those situations??....!
Keep having fun and stay with friends, and pay attention to where you need to make fences. Did you read the handbook yet?

Titan! Its great to hear from you!

Keep on posting buddy

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 11 Jul 2012 14:18 #141301

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titanlooks, you have made tremendous progress just by coming to GYE for help, and you have done so well to recognize that you need help.

These are the very first steps to mastering this! Do you realize what that means??
You are making great progress!! So JustKeepGoing!!

Now that you have realized that you need help, and that falling everyday is not good for you in any way, we can do something about fixing this up!
Don't worry, IT CAN BE DONE!!
We have GYE and all its members, including you, as PROOF! :D

You need to find out where the root of your problem lies. So have a think about how you usually fell, and why it was.

Was it because you were bored, worried, upset, anxious?
Or did you by mistake see something that triggered you?
Was it in the street? Or while on the internet?

Now that you have found out what often causes you to fall, you can work out a way to make sure that won't happen TODAY.
Note: The key word is "TODAY". Because in order to fight this, we need to focus on ONE DAY AT A TIME.
By taking it slowly, and going ONE STEP AT A TIME, you will eventually break out of this addiction!

Tell yourself in the morning when you wake up, "JUST FOR TODAY I WILL STAY CLEAN!"
But remember, we cannot do this on our own, we need a Higher Power to help us.
And that is HASHEM!
So, first ask Hashem, beg Hashem to please, please save you and help you to pass TODAYs tests.

But you need to remember that we cannot possibly live without Hashem in our lives and so we need to make Hashem part of our everyday life in every way possible!

We need to totally rely on Hashem and like the first step teaches us, to give over our lust to Hashem to deal with, by admitting we are powerless over lust and that our lives have become unmanageable. (www.guardyoureyes.com/the-12-steps)

Only then, can we begin to live a normal life.

But if C"V we forget that our lives depend on Hashem, then we may need to experience a small "wake up call" with a slip/fall R"L to remind us that we cannot possibly do anything on our own and that we are certainly not in control of ourselves, but only Hashem is.

We need to make Gedarim (Fences) to protect ourselves from triggers and bad things.
For example, if you walk through big shopping areas a lot and you have noticed that you are being triggered by a lot of different things there, then you need to either find a different way to walk/shop and try to go there as little as possible. And if you really have to go there, then you need to remember to turn on "Low scan mode" which means walking with your eyes down and not gazing at things you shouldn't.
See what I mean?

Go on, give it a try!
Remember, every time you refrain from looking when you want to, it gets saved up, and each time you hold yourself back, you are getting stronger and stronger!

You will feel so good with yourself after refraining to satisfy your lustful desires even just once!
And in Shomayim you create such a wonderful and beautiful Malach who will save you next time you need help.

All Hashem wants of you is to do the very best you can and then He will do the rest!

May Hashem help you to overcome this battle day by day and grow tremendously strong!
Hatzlocha Rabboh!
Keep in touch, and always remeber to KEEP SMILING!! ;D

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 13 Jul 2012 04:40 #141437

  • titanlooks
steps i am taking is limiting com times etc , still failling every dam day.. even without computers.. not looking doesnt help. i cant bring myself close to God b/c I hate davenning (prob b/c im lazy ) being jewish annoys me a lil but not too much, i mostly mas****** when im bored basically. but yet again im always bored lol me and my friends spend hours doing nothing were all like "im bored" ty for the post refoel

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 13 Jul 2012 13:39 #141459

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Not looking does help!

I've learnt recently that this problem "breeds in isolation" so sitting with your friends is nice but sitting there bored is..... Boring. Why don't you guys go out and do stuff? Go fishing go camping go ride a bike DO something. I get soooooo lazy I don't want to do anything but I know that after the 5 minutes it takes to set something up it'll be fun.
Take something that interests you and pursue it!
Try davening to hashem in your own words like you would talk to a friend, in ENGLISH! Hashem is your friend and I heard that the chaftez chayim used to just talk to hashem like that, you'll become more aware of hashem in your life. Don't force yourself to pray, don't try to motivate yourself with things like " I have to pray, I must, or I should" those lines only make you feel forced and you'll resent the pressure. Just tell yourself "ill feel good if I do it"

Maybe try making a schedule to your day

Yala chabibi
Have a great peaceful awesome shabbos

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 13 Jul 2012 14:05 #141464

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WOW!! That is terrific news titanlooks!

Its really great that you are limiting your computer times etc! This shows that you are already making amazing progress by actually realizing that you need to make changes.

We all need to take a step back to find out where we are going wrong.
Everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect.
The only reason we fall is so that we can realize that we are making some mistakes that need correcting.

A fall is from Hashem and for our ultimate benefit.
It is there to help us grow and move closer to Hashem.

Hashem is just giving us a little reminder that something may need correcting and we should take a closer look.
Once we find the problem, like you have, we should be able to go on and do much better this time, with one problem sorted.

But remember, the road is a long one with many potholes, bumps and obstacles in the way.
But don't worry, this is just the Yetzer Hora trying very hard to discourage you and make you fall even lower.
So when you feel the Yetzer Hora entering into you, telling you to act out, SCREAM AT HIM!! "GET OUTTA MY FACE, I HATE YOU!! ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU!! THAT'S IT! ENOUGH!! JUST GO AWAY FROM ME!! AT LEAST FOR TODAY!!" Until he finally goes away from you, scream at him, you do NOT need anymore trouble from him.
Tell him to "GET LOST" however "JUST FOR TODAY!!" and then he will surely listen, as he says okay then, I will leave you alone for today, BUT JUST TODAY. Then when he comes back the next day, tell him again, "JUST FOR TODAY".

This is an extremely useful and important way of dealing with this. It will help you progress one day at a time.

Don't worry, it may seems as if you are not making any progress, but that too is just the Yetzer hora, again, trying to get you to fall. But you will know, you are not stupid, so just ignore him. He is the stupid one, he thinks he can get you, but really he can't. Because you have Hashem on your side, always.

Another thing you MUST do, is speak to Hashem, your loving Father in Heaven, The Master and King of Kings of the entire Universe!!

Talk to Hashem, EVERY SINGLE DAY.
This is called Hisbodedus - Personal Prayer.

I also, just like you, didn't enjoy davening, I couldn't daven, I just wanted to rush it all and hurry back to my computer, but Baruch Hashem, with Hashem's infinite grace and loving kindness He brought me back home, to the truth, to reality.
Hashem so lovingly guided me and helped me to find Rabbi Lazer Brody's website lazerbrody.typepad.com/ and taught me about the EMES! The ABSOLUTE TRUTH!!
I learnt about Emuna - The complete Belief in Hashem and how to pray and talk to Hashem, to Thank Hashem for everything and anything that happens.
Because I now know, that everything that happens is directly from Hashem, and for my ultimate best!
Everything comes from Hashem and is for the best, even though we may not see it.
Everything Hashem does has a purpose!

So please see these beautiful video clips on how we should do this, how we are meant to talk to Hashem, they will change your life!:
lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2007/01/hitbodedut_an_i.html />lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2011/11/chef-sam-talks-to-hashem.html />
I now know that HASHEM LOVES ME from here:
lazerbrody.typepad.com/lazer_beams/2009/12/hashem-loves-me.html />
And I have learnt from all of this and by having Emuna in Hashem, I LOVE HASHEM!
I TRULY LOVE HASHEM!
HE IS SO VERY KIND TO ME EVERY SINGLE DAY!
He, created me a Jew, a happy, healthy Jewish child of Hashem!!

You need to focus on always being happy and learning to have complete Emuna in Hashem, your loving Father in Heaven, who truly Loves You, no matter what!

Make sure that you aren't bored. Go for a jog, a nice walk in the forest with Hashem, alone, just you and Hashem, and give over all your problems and difficulties to Hashem!
Believe me this is the KEY to SUCCESS. Its tried and tested. And it certainly works!!

Have a read of this lovely article about how to grow spiritually and become closer to Hashem:
www.breslev.co.il/articles/spirituality_and_faith/spiritual_growth/additional_ways_of_building_emuna.aspx?id=1854&language=english />
I wish you much Hatzlocha, may Hashem help you to grow extremely close to Him and overcome your Yetzer Horas, one day at a time.

Every second you do not sin is a tremendous Mitzva, so don't despair!

Every time you say "NO" to your Yetzer Hora, you become a whole lot stronger and so next time you will know that it can be done, YOU MANAGED IT LAST TIME!!

You are part of Klal Yisroel, no matter how low you might have fallen, you always will be part of Hashem's nation!!

You are bringing our final redemption and the re-building of the 3rd and Final Beis Hamikdosh closer every time you fight your desires, so KEEP TRUCKING!!

Have a wonderful Shabbos!!

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 17 Jul 2012 02:21 #141780

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Refoel, are you saying what you are suggesting is the right solution for everybody?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 17 Jul 2012 19:01 #141837

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dov wrote on 17 Jul 2012 02:21:

Refoel, are you saying what you are suggesting is the right solution for everybody?


Yes, Dov, I am sure that it is.

I would suggest that everyone learn about having true Emuna in Hashem, and then they will see that this is only possible with Hitbodedut - Personal Prayer.

We need to be close to G-D.
How do we do this?
How do we be close to anyone?
By talking to them.

So too, with Hashem, our loving Father in Heaven, the King of Kings and Master over the entire Universe!
We need to talk to Hashem in our own, personal way, every single day, if we truly want to be close with Him!

I think it makes quite a lot sense.

I also, unfortunately, did not think of it this way before.
But B"H I felt I needed to be closer and tried very hard to be, and so when Hashem saw this, He in His infinite grace, brought me to learn about this and begin to understand what it is all about.

Everyone should watch those two video clips I gave the links of in my last post.

I would also recommend purchasing this set of amazing CDs:
www.breslev.co.il/store/torah_cds/rav_arush_brody_eng__cds/personal_prayer_hitbodedut_cd_set.aspx?id=13534&language=english />
And also this book:
www.breslev.co.il/store/books/spirituality_and_faith/in_forest_fields_the_garden_of_prayer.aspx?id=9818&language=english />
Or just purchase any Emuna CD from here:
www.breslev.co.il/store/torah_cds.aspx?category=2&language=english to learn about Emuna and Hitbodedut.

Believe me, they are all well worth it!
I recommend you purchase a few dozen at a time, as once you hear one, you will feel the need to listen to more and to grow and become closer to Hashem.

May Hashem help us, and the whole world, to realize and see the ultimate truth and to have Emuna Sheliema (Complete Faith) in Him alone.
May Hashem guide us on the right path and to rise up in Kedusha and become as close to Him as possible and so bring the Final Redemption Speedily and in Our Days.
Amen!

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 17 Jul 2012 23:58 #141867

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Thank you, Refoel.

My next and nearly final question:

When was the last time that you masturbated yourself and when was the last time that you used pornography?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 18 Jul 2012 14:50 #141907

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Baruch Hashem,
Those days are long gone,

In my current streak I am on Day 21,
with a cumulative days of 115.

You may think I'm crazy, 21 days! Haha!
21 days?!!
Long gone?!

Yes, its true!
21 Days, UNBELIEVABLE.

Baruch Hashem, the last, real time, was a long, long time ago.
The last times that I fell/slipped was because I was on a slippery slope!
Who wouldn't?
I believed I could do this on my own.
HA! Yeah right!

So, I needed a little reminder, or two.
Now, i think finally I am beginning to understand this, to remember what its all about.
to realize who is actually running the show here.
Not me, that's for sure!

So who is?
HASHEM!
Drrr.

The last time, was actually, totally unintentional m*********. I had a weird "wake up call", LITERALLY.
I was sleeping then woke up feeling weird and just withing seconds, it had been done. Without even thinking!!
And I had fallen asleep whilst listening to a Shiur!!
That's how crazy we are!
But I now know, that it too, was for MY ULTIMATE BENEFIT!
I learnt a lot from it.

I got right back up! Literally, too, and went for a nice, calm, walk with Hashem, for at least an hour, talking, trying to cry, and growing!

Viewing p**********, that was B"H a very long time ago.
I don't need it, anymore.
In fact, I always hated it!
I don't have the slightest desire to go anywhere near that utter garbage! IT STINKS!! :o

BARUCH HASHEM!!!
THANK YOU HASHEM!!

Hashem was and always is, constantly guiding me in the right direction: the way I want to go!

I don't worry about what day I am on anymore, I have a different attitude and outlook on it now!
I know that as long as I am doing my best, doing what Hashem wants of me and growing stronger every day, that is all that matters!

I know that HASHEM LOVES ME, no matter what!
I also know that I LOVE HASHEM, no matter what!!

ITS GREAT!
What more could I ask for?!

Baruch Hashem, He is so extremely kind and loving to me.
The most loving and kind Father I could wish for!
AND I HAVE HIM!
HE IS MINE!!

When I talk to Him, I am connected to my G-D above!
AND THAT IS JUST AMAZING!!

I feel like laughing out loud and dancing around, full of joy and happiness! :D
Because He loves me so much and He has brought me out from the depths and lowest places on earth to being so high and so very close to Him!
Wow, Hashem is truly THE BEST!!

THANK YOU!!
Thank you
again,
Ty!

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 18 Jul 2012 21:14 #141949

  • titanlooks
well good news.. I didnt fall for the past 2 days but i fell like 2 hours ago but still! 2 days!

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 18 Jul 2012 22:57 #141953

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Shalom Alecha, habochur hachoshuv, titanlooks.
Much hatzlocho in your battle. now, after maran harav elyoshiv zatza"l passed away, dont you think that am yisroel would need some zechusim of your shmiras habris (and mine certainly, and refoels and the keepgoingdude (sry, just quoting ) and all the other guys/GYE'S here around).

@refoel: good luck refoel. i hope very much you will stay on top and there will be no reasons to stop dancing around. good night.
p.s. you are a breslaver, huh?

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 18 Jul 2012 23:24 #141954

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2 days is great news.

Titan, what caused the fall? how are you trying to avoid these situations? what concrete and actual steps are you taking to avoid the temptations?

did you read the Handbook yet?

Titan we want to see you succeed! you can do it!

Maybe your tellig yourself that at this point theres no hope so why even try? its NOT TRUE! if you want to live WITH this problem then giving up is EXACTLY the way to do it.

If not, then start fresh right NOW. And make a serious commitment to change..

Do you want to live without this???

- keepgoingdude
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