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Personal recovery plan
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TOPIC: Personal recovery plan 16782 Views

Re: Personal recovery plan 06 Aug 2012 17:59 #143026

  • AlexEliezer
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O'Mottel,
You're a fine example of triumph even in the face of a painful past, and a not-so-good present.
No excuses. You just do it. Because you know you have to.
Shteig on and hecher my brother.
Alex

Re: Personal recovery plan 06 Aug 2012 19:50 #143039

  • obormottel
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Thanks, Alex.
You're absolutely right (not with the compliments, but in saying "I knew I had to stop").
To paraphrase the White Book of SA: I had no other option but to stop, and my own enlightened self-interest told me that.
I wish this enlightenment can be shared with others, but to my dismay, most everyone prefers to wait till they hit the preverbial bottom before seriously undertaking recovery.
Nu-nu. I wish people didn't have to get hurt first, and learn from others' mistakes. But no, we all think of ourselves that we are above the norm, that no rules apply to us, that we are anything but a statistical unit, and therefore how can we possibly apply someone else's experience to our UNIQUE situation.
And besides, watching porn and masturbating and going to strippers and prostitutes feels so good now, and the benefits of stopping are so vague and far away.
Well, I am ripping the benfits of stopping right now.
My wife told me she can learn to love the man I am becoming. I am present in the lives of my children. I practice Yiddishkeit without guilt. I learn to deal with anxiety and emotional turmoil without resorting to my drug. I don't think that negative things which happen to me every so often are G-d's punishment for my misdoings. I am acquiring a happy disposition. I am not plagued by fear, and I am not demoralized and debilitated by shame. I can look people in the eye and stand straight.
Am I cured? Absolutely not. Is my life infinitely better? Without a doubt. Can anyone learn from me and not wait till they have been masturbating their brains out for twenty years, lost a business and/or family because of that, jeopardized their health and safety? Unfortunately, I think not.
So go ahead, new friends, keep posting how live meetings make you uncomfortable, how they disagree with your schedule, how Toiro Tavlin will cure you, or how going to siyum HaShas will provide you with the final push to finally quit for good.
With a notable exception of Alexeliezer (who still admits to working the 12 steps into his own model of recovery), I can't think of anyone on this Forum who can quit and stay quit for any reasonable amount of time without meeting people like ourselves face to face.
Let's see:
Dov- sober 15 years - SA
Elyah - sober over a year - SA
Gibbor120 - over a year or more- SA
Chaimyakov - 11 months or so - SA
Blind Begger - 500 days - SA
Think Good - I think he said two years? - SA
Ani Hakoton - one year - SA
And then there are UAJ (two years), jack, Steve (who's never gonna be a cucumber again) and a bunch of other guys whom I've never met even on the forum.
Anyways, all the guys that pop up here, and whine, and cry, and call us "holy chevra", and then go back into abyss...they need to hurt enough to want to stop. And they won't take anyone's story at face value and try to identify with it. So what's the point?
I am eternaly greatful to to GYE for lighting up the way, and advertising, and showing frum Yidden that there is hope. But if there is a frum Yid who "knows he must stop but can't" (like me), I emplore you to take a short road home instead of continuing with the begginer's waltz: 1-2-3-fall, 1-2-3-fall.
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 09:39 #143069

  • TehillimZugger
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Mottel let's keep that conversation there.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 10:05 #143073

  • Blind Beggar
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Or keep it here.
Kedusha has 1173 days on the Chart w/o SA (as far as I know).
I left SA and do not plan on going back. You don't need to be an alcoholic to have a drink problem.
The Blind Beggar is a character in Rebbe Nachman's story of the Seven Beggars.
If I view a woman as an object, I am powerless over lust, but I don't have to look.
I can guard my eyes.
I want to guard my eyes.
I do guard my eyes.
Why do I say these four lines?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 10:27 #143074

  • rt
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reb mottel, "reasonable amount of time" is how much ?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 10:55 #143078

  • TehillimZugger
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Blind wrote on 30 May 2012 09:25:

Here is something great from today's email. Guess who wrote it.


HELLO ALL HEILIGEHS AND HEILIGOS,

TODAY IS SEVEN MONTHS THAT I AM OFF THE CYCLE OF:
SHTUSS/SHMUTZ/CRY/DAVEN, SHTUSS/SHMUTZ/CRY/DAVEN
SHTUSS/SHMUTZ/CRY/DAVEN, SHTUSS/SHMUTZ/CRY/DAVEN
SHTUSS/SHMUTZ...


OK, WITHOUT ANY FANFARE AND ONE SHOT OF WOODFORD, HERE GOES:
I LEARNED 4 POWERFUL LESSONS DURING THESE HOLY 7 MONTHS.
1. SLIPPING IS NORMAL, BUT STAYING DOWN AFTER YOU SLIPPED? NEVER! GET OFF THE FLOOR, WIPE YOUSELF OFF... KEEP ON MOVING, KEEP ON TRUCKING!

2. I LEARNED THAT JOHN OR HARRY'S WIFE HAS "NOTHING' TO DO WITH ME.
END OF STORY...
NOTHING!
I DON"T CARE IF SHE IS...
OR WHAT SHE IS...
OR WHY SHE IS - OR ISN'T..
.
I WILL NOT SOLVE THE MIDDLE EAST CRISIS
NOR THE HEALTHCARE DEBATE.
AND I WILL NOT SOLVE THE TZNIUS ISSUE EITHER.
SHE MAY BE A PROBLEM, BUT SHE'S NOT "MY" PROBLEM
IF IT AINT YOUR RING-TONE, DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE!!
YES, TIGHT CLOTHES AND TALL BOOTS ETC WILL STILL TRIGGER ME,
BUT I DONT GO TO THE BANK OR THE MALL TO FIND THOSE TRIGGERS ANYMORE.
WE MAY HAVE CAUGHT A FIRST LOOK, BUT WE CAN CHOOSE NOT TO LOOK A SECOND TIME.
THE LUST IS STILL THERE, BUT I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE HASHEM AND I LOVE MY WIFE AND MY KIDS MUCH MUCH MORE THAN MY LUST.

3.
THE 3RD THING I LEARNED IS JUST HOW CLOSE WE ARE TO HASHEM.HASHEM SEES US IN ALL OUR SITUATIONS, AND HE ACCEPTS ALL OUR MISTAKES AND LOVES US JUST THE SAME.THE SADDEST THING IS, THAT WE NEEDED TO FALL FIRST IN ORDER TO BE PICKED UP AND FEEL THAT LOVE!

4. AND THE LAST THING I LEARNED IS THAT THIS FORUM IS ALL ABOUT AHAVAS YISROEL!!WOW, WHAT A KOACH!!
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 11:01 #143080

  • TehillimZugger
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Eye.nonymous wrote on 15 Jul 2012 12:13:


In SA meetings we do not cross talk, meaning that we avoid interrupting or speaking to others individually. We try to keep our comments generally addressed to everyone. We accept without comment what others say because IT IS TRUE FOR THEM. See what fits and leave the rest.

?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 13:16 #143089

  • TehillimZugger
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jack wrote on 05 Dec 2011 14:19:

dear holy warriors,
some people on this forum think that they are being shunned because they are not 12 steppers.well, in my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth.as proof, i will say i'm not a 12 stepper, and i dont feel at all that people here are not interested in me.just the opposite is true! r' guard wants me to succeed just like he wants everyopne else here to succeed.and everyone who 'knows' me here has tried to help me go forward.and i was never, not once, criticized for not being a 12 stepper.i'm a jew who needs help, and i believe i got it, and continue to get it from this forum.
love you all, jack

i dont mean to say that there's no chachma in the 12 steps - i mean to say for me, the group support works the best of anything that's out there.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 23:02 #143118

  • obormottel
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This subject has been chewed ad nauseum around here.
Here http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1486.0 is a good example.
I am out of it, though.
Peace.
M.
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: Personal recovery plan 07 Aug 2012 23:07 #143119

  • obormottel
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obormottel wrote on 12 Aug 2011 22:38:

I was pressed for practical steps I'm taking on the path to recovery. So here goes:
By way of introduction:
I've been a compulsive mast*****r since age 11 or 12. Started looking at internet p**n when it became available in my house, after being married for a short time. Can't tell you when viewing this garbage became addictive, but it's been years since I realized I have a BIG problem. I would come to shul to mincha with fresh stains on my pants, and people would ask me to be shliach tzibbur! The depression and anxiety, and feelings of hypocrisy! I don't have to tell you... I couldn't stop no matter how much I agonized over this. I installed BSAFE filter, and set my own password (dumb!!!). I took on hachlotois. I gave tzdoko, and even created a knas for myself of $180 for each occurrence (turns out it's a legit technique; I just did everything else wrong). All to no help. About a month ago I gave up on myself, and gave myself over to G-d's mercy. I wrote a tzetle to a Tzaddik and gave myself over to the Tzaddik. Within 1 week of the latter I saw a banner for this website on Arutz7. Ever since then:
1. I had my wife install K9 filter and hold the password. In addition , she restricted my internet access so that now when I finish work at 6pm, my internet shuts down, so I have no reason to aimlessly (or, rather, intentionally) browse the web after I am alone in the office. Even with filter, there is plenty room for mischief on the web for a sick mind, so I find this trick especially helpful.
2. I subscribed and now READ daily the Chizzuk emails (both lists)
3. I got myself on the 90 Day chart (day 9 as of today, YAY!)
4. I am half way through the Handbook and Attitude handbook. Found both of them extremely helpful and lucid.
5. I listened to Rav Reisman's shiur on Yirmiyohu. (Did it on 9 Av, thought it to be appropriate). BTW, R' Reisman is great; I've been listening to his MP3 shiurim for a long time now.
6. I am obsessing with this site now, reading what I can, taking part in the forum etc. I probably spend as much time doing this as I used to do the other stuff, which keeps me busy and I do it from home in the evenings, not from the privacy of my office, so it brings me back home...
On the spiritual side, I kept the fence I've already created for myself before: to go to the mikva after each occurrence, and in general to be particular ab. tvilas Ezra. I started learning a particular kuntreis on shmiras eynaim ( and once I know you better, I'll tell you which one it is), and plan on doing more of such reading. I also decided to keep my mouth shut in shul, if an argument of any sort ensues ( I am usually very vocal expressing my opinion), so that I learn to not have attention focused on me. Also, I promised (in that above-mentioned tzetle) to wear a hat every time I daven, bentch, say Birchas Hashachar, or Al Hamichyo. I think it should add to the additional yiras Shomaim I'm trying to instill on to myself.
What else? I apologized to my wife (for which I was ostracized by some on this forum); and I actively turn my head away if something comes into my line of sight that I know will bring me to hirhurim.
And finally, I am making this kabolo allehabo (Bli neder, it's not a vow just yet): before acting out the next time (should a time like this come, Hashem yishmerenu), I will put on my hat and jacket and say my kappitel tehilim. If I don't do it and act out, C"V, then I will pay 10 times the mikva fee the following morning (I've been pretty consistent with my mikva promise).
Your input is welcome. Please don't beat up on me too much, I'm still working out my sensitivity issues:)

It's been an interesting year. I stuck to most of this plan, but eventually had to join Sexaholics Anonymous, where I got one year sober and found new hope and new happiness.
Wishing you the same,
Mottel
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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