Mikva is a tough one for me too. I always only went on Erev Yom Tov anyway. And I looked forward to it for all the wrong reasons, and probably did more damage to myself by going than if I had stayed home. I still go, but I have set strict rules for myself (basically the opposite of my old behaviors).

• Glasses first off and last on.


• Face the wall as much as possible.


• Remember why you are here.


• Make it quick!

Eish, hang in there. It's really tough to give up what the world has been convincing you your whole life that it is your "real self". And it feels like death itself to think that you will never have any pleasure in life anymore. I know, I went through the same thing, and I am still struggling with it. But it does get easier with time.
And know that your true self is your holy Neshama that Hashem has given you, and that He has given you (and me) this awesomely difficult task, because He knows that we CAN do it!
Gevura!

How interesting that I have the same Mikva issues, and I go couple of times a week, and I also made somewhat similar gedarim:

- Remove eyeglasses
- Face the wall
- Guard your myopic eyes anyhow!

Hatzlacha to all of us,

MT

Gevurah, kol hakovod. I am moved by your honesty and openness. You so teach me what it means to be dead serious about this monstah

My parents are divorced so I dont know if that's why but I also have ssa could be I havnt seen my father in 13 years p.s. I'm only 19

eishhatorah wrote on 01 May 2012 13:40:

careful about how much identifying information you put up there aish.

Today's Chizuk email featured a translation of the crucial Ohr Hachaim in this week's parsha that discusses the extreme importance of guarding our eyes and our thoughts. I am quoting what I think is a very relevant section:


I believe that this thought, especially the part I highlighted, is particularly crucial for those of us with SSA. The world out there is bent on convincing us that it is our identity, our essence, we are "born this way" and cannot change. They claim that it is genetic and any attempt to change our "orientation" will only cause us harm, and insist that our only hope is to give in and embrace the "lifestyle".

They may be correct, for them, who only believe in the physical. But we are different. We have the power of "Ani Hashem Elokeichem", and we can overcome the Teva as it was created in us and rise above our desires, as strong as they are. That is the mission we have been given.

Gevura!

"Hayom Shiv'a uShloshim Yom..."

The Sefira of Gevura Shebyesod.

The day that I have chosen to represent my identity, and what it is that i am striving for.

One year ago was the day that i finally committed to giving up the last of the shmutz that I was still clinging to, and to really try to live a clean and sober life free of lust. And what a year it has been. "Ki Chasdecha Godol Oloy". With the help of my friends here, Hashem has enabled me to do what i never thought possible.

I cannot express in words how much I owe to you all. Each of you in your own way have helped me along. Whether with a listening ear, a (virtual) shoulder to lean on, a smile, an opportunity to share, whether in public or privately, my deepest feelings, pain and hopes. You have provided me with chizuk, encouragment, love, mussar, culinary advice, jokes, Lechaim (and even a bus). And the ability for me to participate by giving the same to those who need it. And above all for giving me a place where i can finally feel like I truly belong. Where for the first time in my life I do not secretly feel like an outcast.

May we all be zoche to go out together in a big convoy of Monstuh Trucks to greet Moshiach Bimheiro!!!

Gevura!

Gotta finish the pasuk you started, man:

"vehitzalto nafshi mishe'ol tachtiyoh"

LOve you, GS, really.

Continued hatzlocha b'kamus ub'eychus.

You're my Hero in more ways than you know. I was thinking about you during sfiras ho'oimer tonight. What you're doing is incredible. Wishing you true happiness,
Mottel.

Gevruah,

You gave me so much chizuk tonight. You don't even know how much power you just gave the people who are just starting this journey. As you always say just keep trucking!!!

Keep posting for those who are just in the beginnings stages of this life long journey!

Keep on shteiging, Gevura. I was also thing about you last night in sefira.

Happy Gevura sheBeYesod Day!
the first thing that went thru my mind when counting last night was
I gotta post on gevura's thread.
Mazal Tov on the year
and many more!

Believe it or not, even I was thinking about you last night at Sfiras HaOmer.
Congratulations on your anniversary (or birthday?), and may this day forever be marked as the beginning of the rest of your life.

MT

Gevura,
You're a shining example that anything is possible if we keep at.
And keep at it we must!
Love you!
Alex

I don't post very often on the forum these days, but I think this is a special occasion... I'd like to wish our dear friend Gevurah shebiYesod a Big Mazel Tov! We're still in the week of Yesod, and we should all take chizuk from his inspiring story and journey!

I had an SSA expert today in my office, he wants to help GYE and maybe start a phone conference for guys with SSA issues. I showed him our SSA resources page (www.guardyoureyes.com/resources/ssa) and I went to your first post where you tell your story, and we read the whole post together. He was very impressed with your story, and was telling me how he has an approach to help guys with SSA issues that they shouldn't need to white-knuckle it, but that they can actually change the way they think and feel, and diminish the SSA cravings significantly.

When he starts his SSA phone conference (probably once a week) I will announce it for everyone.

Thank you for inspiring us all!