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A reMARKable noteBOOK
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On this board, everyone is encouraged to share their journey through the 18 tools of the GYE handbook and get Chizuk and answers from everyone else here as well!

The GYE handbook provides a systematic framework for breaking free of this addiction. But just reading it alone won’t do very much if we don’t “work” the tools therein. So after reading through the GYE handbook once, we go back and start again from the beginning, this time taking it slowly and giving each tool a lot of careful thought. Have we tried the first few tools yet? What parts have we still not tried? Do we have questions, comments, doubts about any of the tools? Slowly but surely, tool by tool, day by day, the GYE handbook - together with the group support of this board - will provide you with the best framework possible for systematic growth and progress.
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TOPIC: A reMARKable noteBOOK 8632 Views

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 08 May 2016 15:20 #287147

  • Abie
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markz wrote on 05 May 2016 02:59:

IMHO, this is great for their kids (I'm being sarcastic) who know how to bypass filtering


fbi2.jpg

 

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 09 May 2016 12:56 #287245

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GYE HANDBOOK
PAGE 16

TOOL #1: Stop

Summary: If you can't stop you can't gye (Yiddish for go)

"As long as we are still actively feeding the addiction, our brains are like on drugs and we cannot think straight. As one long-time GYE member wrote:

In order to fully absorb the lessons taught in the 'GYE Handbook’ (or the 12-Step program), you have to be sober for a few days. Why? Because when one's head is absorbed in the insanity, no matter how much the person might want to be clean, the filth is still tugging and affecting their perceptions. This is not just my own opinion, it is written straight out in the 12-step program; i.e. that it is advisable to be sober for at least a few days before starting the program. And after trying both ways, clean and not clean, I GUARANTEE that no recovery program can be effective unless you are clean. It's not enough to want to diet if you're still eating chocolate cake. Your mind will NOT accept fully what it

needs to accept while under the direct influence of the insanity"

**********

We have heard many a brother say
"I am not ready to cut Mast* out of my life, only porn"
Or
"I am not ready to cut Porn* out of my life, only mast*"

What Tool precedes Tool #1?
Is there tool we can use to encourage someone that joined GYE to get totally clean for today, when he's not too interested (besides for warmly welcoming of course)?
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Last Edit: 12 May 2016 00:51 by Markz.

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 12 May 2016 02:09 #287566

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Page 9-13

Tool 3: Guard Your Eyes

Guard Your Eyes
The very first practical tool in recovering from lust addiction is to guard our eyes and avoid lust as much as possible.
WHY
True "lust addicts" do not have control in this area. No matter how many years they manage to stay clean and no matter what steps they may have taken, if they are faced head-on with lust, they will feel powerless. We have an “allergy” to lust, and as the saying goes: "Once an addict, always an addict". As scary as this may seem, it really is not so bad. People who have a deficiency of iron in their body, even if it's a chronic condition, can still lead perfectly normal lives as long as they take their daily iron pill. The number one symptom of this disease is that when we are faced head-on with lust, we cannot help lusting

Area 1 - Internet Filters
WHY
The filter acts mainly as a "heker" (a reminder), similar in a sense to what our Sages tell us about Palti ben Layish (to whom Shaul Hamelech gave over David's wife). Palti was alone every evening with Michal (who Chazal tell us was one of the most beautiful women) and yet he never stumbled because of a sword that he placed between the two of them, saying that whoever bypasses this sword should be run through by it. The filter is like our sword, it is our "heker". But it will not stop us completely unless we want it to. However, since it can take a long time until we learn to genuinely give up our lust to Hashem, we must have a strong filter at all times. For if we don't get it out of reach, we won't be able to stop the vicious cycle of addiction and begin the healing process.

Accountability Software:
Even if we have a filter installed, it is important to have accountability software. When lust attacks, an addict can usually find a way around his filter, but if he knows that his partner will see all the sites he is trying to access, it will be a far stronger deterrent. If you are having a hard time finding a partner or you’re too embarrassed, use our Knas Based Accountability program at www.gye.org.il/kba (minimum $100 Knas for every bad report). 


Area 2: TV, Movies, Reading Secular Magazines and Newspapers:
It is best for us - if possible - to avoid all non-Jewish or secular news and entertainment sites (and the like). See the "Kosher Isle" on our website for lists of Kosher news and entertainment sites that can provide us with more than our ‘daily dosage’ of news and distractions.
In the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good


Area 3: Guard Your Eyes Outdoors

As addicts to lust, we must be extra careful about where we go... , and perhaps even remove our glasses if we have bad eye-sight... See more here

TIPS
1) The "Three-Second Rule”: If we see something inappropriate, we can implement the "three-second rule." Doing so involves three steps: alert, avert, and affirm.
The first step is to realize that we're seeing something inappropriate. That's the "alert" stage, and it may take a second or two.
The second step is to close our eyes or look away. That's the "avert" stage. These two steps should take place within [about] three seconds.
The third step is to give yourself a mental "pat on the back" thinking something like, "I saw that by mistake, and I quickly looked away. I'm still clean and, G-d willing, I'm going to build on that, one day at a time." That's the "affirm" stage. 


_______________________________________
Question to fellow gyes
Please see this

Home location
: Another great way to make sure we guard our eyes online is to place the computer in a highly visible area of the house, such as the living room, and to also make sure never to use the Internet when alone in the house

Tip - Make it Hurt: We can try to accept upon ourselves (not forever, just for "x" amount of days or weeks, at first) that every time we take that second look at something triggering, we will (either):
give ourselves a pinch that hurts,
wear a rubber-band and snap it against our skin,
give 25 cents to tzedaka,
give our eyes a "time out" by closing them for 6 seconds.

Are these Two relevant in practical terms and necessary to be in the handbook. Does anyone do these especially #2?
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Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 25 May 2016 01:19 #288833

  • Markz
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Taphsic Revisited

Cholentfresser wrote on 29 May 2011 09:39:
Hi,

I know there is already a lot of material on the forum about this, but I just wanted to share something which is really working for me. Its a variation on the tafsik method and is not my original idea - I was inspired to do it by someone else here on GYE. I made a commitment that if I wanted to look at p@rn online first I would do one of 4 things, 1)talk thru how I'm feeling with my wife, or 2) go for a 30min run/exercise, or 3) learn Torah for 30mins, or 4) read about the holocaust for 30mins. If I did anyone of these 4 actions before looking then I would only have to give $75 to tzedakah, if I did not do any of these 4 actions but just went right ahead and looked I would have to give $750 to tzedaka. BH I haven't looked at any p@rn online since I made this commitment. Again this is someone elses idea (thank you whoever it was - sorry I cant say it over b'seim amru) - it helps me a lot, I hope it can help you too.

KT,

CF


There's 2 things
1) Stopping 
2) Living Life

IMHO Taphsic can be a great tool to help (some) STOP sinning and begin recovery, because as tool #1 in the Handbook states 

Tool 1 - STOP!In order to fully absorb the lessons taught in the GYE handbook (or the 12-Step program), you have to be sober for at least a few days. Why? Because when one's head is absorbed in the insanity, no matter how much the person might want to be clean, the filth is still tugging and affecting their perceptionsThis is not just my own opinion, it is written straight out in the 12-step program; i.e. that it is advisable to be sober for at least a few days before starting the program. (Step zero of the 12-Steps is: "STOP"). And after trying both ways, clean and not clean, I GUARANTEE that no recovery program can be effective unless one is clean. It's not enough to want to diet if you're still eating chocolate cake. Your mind will NOT accept fully what it needs to accept while under the direct influence of the insanity.


Many of us have emotional / psychological factors that allow us to find lust at every corner, so the Taphsic could possibly help get the ball rolling, and for a select few it may be all they need.

Furthermore, the shiur that explains the TaPHSiC method also encourages users not to rely solely on the Taphsic alone, and to join the 12 Step Phone Conferences

Lesson learnt?
Do what works for you!!!
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Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 05 Dec 2017 14:51 #323342

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I finally found a virtual chavrusa...
Shvisi and I started the white book and communicating via email

Shvisi,
Maybe we live next door to each other - you never know, I should give you a call...  KITKOT
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Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 05 Dec 2017 18:25 #323357

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Markz wrote on 05 Dec 2017 14:51:
I finally found a virtual chavrusa...
Shvisi and I started the white book and communicating via email

Shvisi,
Maybe we live next door to each other - you never know, I should give you a call...  KITKOT

Hay! you may never know! one day we will definitely be neighbors, in Yerushelayim..... and we will celebrate our clean days together... שמחנו כימות עינתנו
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 06 Dec 2017 19:56 #323403

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from the White Book...
sa.PNG

I agree 100% not to disclose with family members, it might harm your relationship, and they will never understand what we go through, and even if they have there own problems, its totally different then ours, and i dont understand the other side of the coin, (i heared once from Dov too...) that we should disclose it with our closed relatives like wife.....
My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון,  והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים
Last Edit: 06 Dec 2017 19:57 by Shivisi_Hashem.

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 07 Dec 2017 02:34 #323416

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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 06 Dec 2017 19:56:
from the White Book...
sa.PNG

I agree 100% not to disclose with family members, it might harm your relationship, and they will never understand what we go through, and even if they have there own problems, its totally different then ours, and i dont understand the other side of the coin, (i heared once from Dov too...) that we should disclose it with our closed relatives like wife.....

I assume it's for the goal of quiting secretive life, and being real. Also practically many cannot continue to attend meetings or have any abstinence w/o disclosure

Maybe you're talking about THIS great Dov talk (as they all are), and he says quite clearly around minute 30:30 that he wouldn't answer such a question in a general format like this secretive forum, rather one on one ;-)
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Last Edit: 07 Dec 2017 02:56 by Markz.

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 19 Dec 2017 17:28 #323944

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Whitebook spare pages?

img_1164.PNG


Is it supposed to say 
"the solution"?
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Last Edit: 19 Dec 2017 17:29 by Markz.

Re: A reMARKable noteBOOK 19 Dec 2017 18:44 #323945

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This Post has been purposely left blank.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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