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Neder
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On this board, everyone is encouraged to share their journey through the 18 tools of the GYE handbook and get Chizuk and answers from everyone else here as well!

The GYE handbook provides a systematic framework for breaking free of this addiction. But just reading it alone won’t do very much if we don’t “work” the tools therein. So after reading through the GYE handbook once, we go back and start again from the beginning, this time taking it slowly and giving each tool a lot of careful thought. Have we tried the first few tools yet? What parts have we still not tried? Do we have questions, comments, doubts about any of the tools? Slowly but surely, tool by tool, day by day, the GYE handbook - together with the group support of this board - will provide you with the best framework possible for systematic growth and progress.
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TOPIC: Neder 1344 Views

Neder 28 Aug 2013 14:47 #217561

  • thatguyoverthere
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I've been reading in the handbook, and I have a question about neder - does anyone have any experience? Does it work? I am considering making a neder that I will fast for a full day if I fall before I reach 90 days, the fast will be the direct day right after the fall as far as possible (should the next day be shabbat, I will do it on Sunday. Should it be (chas vechalila) right before yom kippur or tsom gedaliah then it will be two days after - giving me one day of eating inbetween). It is limited to the current 90 days challenge Im taking.

Will it help, or am I just "holding my breath"?

I think my wife would object, since I become very vulnerable to mood swings when Im fasting, but maybe dafka that - that my fasting would be a bad thing for the family - would help me keep sober.

Any thoughts? (And yes, I know I spell my Hebrew like the Israeli I am - I don't have all the yeshive-Hebrew that you guys have )
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. /Mishlei 25:28

Re: Neder 28 Aug 2013 16:59 #217568

  • tryingtoshteig
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A few points about Taphsic (that's what your referring to, right?)

1. I have never actually done one, so you can disregard the rest of what I say.

2. The handbook recommends keeping the term of the Taphsic short, at leat at first, and renew it when it expires. The example given is a week at a time for "beginners."

3. עיין שם in Masechtos Nedarim and Shevuos. A "Neder" is an issur cheftza, like "this loaf of bread will be assur to me like a korban if I......" Whereas a Shevua is an issur Gavra that you create on yourself, as in "I take a shevua that I will...."
The taphsic (as presented in the handbook) is a shevua, not a neder.

4. The way that is recommended to form the shevua is to not directly punish the acting out, but to provide yourself with an incentive to distract yourself. For example, "If I act out, but I: went for a jog first/learned first/said tehillim first/whatever other distraction you can come up with for a set amount of time, then I will have to do a small k'nas. But if I act out without using any of my distractions first, then I will have to do the big k'nas."

5. As far as whether it works, like I said, I never tried it. Those who have say (I think) that it is only a tool but it is not THE Solution.

Hope that helps.
"ויעזור ויגן ויושיע לכל החוסים בו ונאמר אמן" -- ArtScroll Gabbai's Handbook

Re: Neder 01 Sep 2013 16:31 #218057

  • thatguyoverthere
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Quick update:

Thanks. Yes, it's a shevua, not a neder. What was I thinking? ^^

I will try to do this as a thought-trick without an actual shevua in the beginning. I will first read from the handbook and/or testimonies on GYE. If I still fall I will fast. I have tried it for the past week (bli shevua), and so far I havent fallen at all. If this tool works for me this way, I will keep it like this. Should I fall, and things get worse, then I might need to make an actual shevua. So far, it's working - or rather, it's working together with all the other tools (posting chizuks, updating 90-day challenge, looking away from women on street, etc, etc)
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. /Mishlei 25:28
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