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Abridged Version of the Attitude Handbook
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On this board, everyone is encouraged to share their journey through the 18 tools of the GYE handbook and get Chizuk and answers from everyone else here as well!

The GYE handbook provides a systematic framework for breaking free of this addiction. But just reading it alone won’t do very much if we don’t “work” the tools therein. So after reading through the GYE handbook once, we go back and start again from the beginning, this time taking it slowly and giving each tool a lot of careful thought. Have we tried the first few tools yet? What parts have we still not tried? Do we have questions, comments, doubts about any of the tools? Slowly but surely, tool by tool, day by day, the GYE handbook - together with the group support of this board - will provide you with the best framework possible for systematic growth and progress.
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TOPIC: Abridged Version of the Attitude Handbook 2022 Views

Abridged Version of the Attitude Handbook 27 Jun 2011 22:02 #109694

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preface
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Introduction 27 Jun 2011 22:02 #109695

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introduction
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1. UNDERSTANDING WHAT WE ARE UP AGAINST 27 Jun 2011 22:03 #109696

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UNDERSTANDING WHAT WE ARE UP AGAINST

We are not simply dealing with a “stronger than usual” Yetzer Hara, and we are not just “weak-willed” people who can’t control ourselves.

We are struggling with an addiction.

The symptoms of this disease are twofold.

1)  We have accustomed our minds to crave the chemical rush that lust gives us, in the same way that an alcoholic craves alcohol. We have often learned to use lust as a drug for self-soothing purposes.

2)  Stimulation triggers a much stronger arousal for us than it does in normal people.  This is a medical/psychological condition known as "hypersexuality."

Once the addiction has advanced to a certain level, it will likely be there for life. What that means is that once we have trained our minds to use lust as a type of drug, we must learn to keep far away from lust. And no matter how much progress we might think that we’ve made in this struggle, once we let ourselves take that first “drink” again, we will feel powerless.

But as scary as all this may seem, it is not really so bad. Someone who has a chronic iron deficiency can still lead a perfectly normal life, as long as he takes his daily iron pill. And there are many techniques that can be used as "our pills" every day, to keep the disease in check.

Also, there are many levels of this disease. The fewer times we acted out on lust, the less defined the neuron pathways will be in our minds, and hence, the disease will be at a less advanced stage. This is vital to understand, and it should serve as a powerful incentive for us to do everything in our power to stop these behaviors now. Because every single time we act out on lust, we are making the disease worse, and harder to deal with in the long term.
Last Edit: 27 Jun 2011 22:05 by .

Principle #2 ACCEPTING THAT WE NEED HELP 30 Jun 2011 11:13 #109987

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2. ACCEPTING THAT WE NEED HELP

The first key to recovery is “acceptance.” We need to accept that we have a problem and that we need help.

YOU WILL ONLY BE SAVED IF YOU ADMIT YOU ARE AN ADDICT!

You absolutely must realize that you are ill and you NEED help!  If you don’t realize that you are truly ill, you will not seek out the help.

It will almost never help to simply try “harder” to fight the Yetzer Hara, to learn more mussar, or make ever more resolutions. With addictions, there are methods that don’t work, and then there are tried-and-proven methods that do work.

The steps that work are outlined in the GuardYourEyes Handbook. There we will learn that it is possible to break free, no matter how far the addiction has advanced.
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3. BELIEVING THAT WE CAN BE HELPED 30 Jun 2011 20:03 #110049

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3. BELIEVING THAT WE CAN BE HELPED

If a male doesn't ejaculate for a long period of time nothing noticeable happens. There is no buildup of pressure or extra sperm. Our bodies are always reabsorbing and disposing of extra material, including excess components of the ejaculate. It is perfectly natural to not ejaculate for a long period of time. There are no risks or heath problems associated with not ejaculating.

Read the many recovery stories on our website to see for yourself how people even worse off than you were able to break free.

Having this condition does not let us off the hook. We may have an illness, but we are fully responsible for our recovery, and once we know that we CAN recover, it starts to become a reality.
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4. HITTING BOTTOM WHILE STILL ON TOP 01 Jul 2011 19:37 #110147

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4. HITTING BOTTOM WHILE STILL ON TOP


Often a person is not ready to admit they have a problem, seek help, and be willing to make real changes in their lives unless they have “hit bottom” first.

“Hitting bottom” means that one’s life has truly become unmanageable. He is unable to lead a normal marriage, hold a job, etc..

However, one of the goals of the GYE community is to help people “Hit bottom while still on top.” What that means, is that we try to get those still in the early stages of addiction to understand the nature of where it will ultimately lead them. They can learn where the addiction will ultimately lead them from those who have already “Hit Bottom.”

By doing this, we are essentially “lifting the bottom” for these newcomers to hit, while they are still on top and their lives remain intact. They need not lose their marriages, jobs and respect. They can learn from those who already have, and recognize the direction they are heading and seek help.
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5. YOU ARE NOT ALONE 01 Jul 2011 20:20 #110150

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5. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Almost everyone struggles with lust on some level.  Even great Tzadikim of previous generations struggled in this area (as they mention the “sins of their youth”).

Those who seek purity in a generation such as ours are truly from Hashem’s greatest warriors!

In the GYE community, you will find hundreds of religious Jews like yourself, struggling with this addiction. 


Join our lively and vibrant forum, where people like yourself:
    - exchange questions and tons of Chizuk
    - post logs of their progress
    - share experience and hope
    - read about what others have gone through, and how they have succeeded
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Re: Abridged Version of the Attitude Handbook 12 Aug 2013 21:18 #215868

Thank you, Shteeble!
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